The only thing to remember to always ask: What is the “primary purpose”?
Dear God,
I would like to always remember my purpose in the midst of doing what I am doing, and realize when this purpose becomes obscure and I start following something that digresses me from what is most important to me.
Only now, in talking to Franny, did I realize, not only in saying it — although it was even those literal words — but only now — that I was thinking of writing as a prospect for possibly making money — and when that happens, the nature of everything changes so definitively, so, irreversibly… that is, until the moment I realize it… which is, now?
I would like to remind myself to utilize this platform exactly the way I would my notebook, with my paper and pen — exactly for the purpose my pen and paper have so often served me, for no more, and no less. Anything else would deter and undermine the original purpose it has seemed to be serving so well for me until now.
(The only advantage of having my entries here in typed form, would be, for my own convenience, to be able to search and find things more easily, perhaps, with keywords, something like that — and I must keep a diligent watch on my mind at all times when it starts thinking, even the least bit remotely, about the prospects of publishing these entries for monetary, or even just publicity potential —)
That is most certainly NOT its purpose, and will only steer me away from what is truly important to me — using writing as a way to witness more clearly, to inquire, to understand, and finally to reform my “self” through the written process of examining my experiences and the thoughts that accompany them.
I am not sure if I feel appalled, or surprised, at the very least, that I have even been seriously considering using this writing as a “means” to bring about financial prospects — that is, no doubt, that could very well be an “unintended result” of the act, but by no means the “purpose”!
Here the key word is “unintended”. That’s right. What is my true intention here?
What is the “purpose” I am giving these actions? And why? Is it to use my writing for the “purpose” of examining and understanding my mind, or is it for the “purpose” of creating content that can capture the attention of others, thereby capturing the prospect of monetary income, or even of capturing the inspiration of others? The important note is that the latter two can certainly arise as a “result”, but
What is the “primary purpose”?
There can only be one “primary” purpose.
Certainly the former could also arise as a result of either of the latter two, but the “problem” with that is that it keeps my focus away from what is really important.
Surely it is nice to realize some self discovery along the way of creating something nice to share with the public and also make some nice money — or any money at all, or any viewers at all, for that matter, but the problem with that is that if this is the “primary purpose”, it implies that
if that purpose falls through, then so will the “meaning” that I have attributed to this, or any, specific action.
The one and only way to ensure a consistent and indestructible — “guaranteed meaning” — to absolutely ANY and ALL “things”, “actions”, “happenings” — “life” — is to remember:
There is one, and ONLY ONE “purpose” in all “things” — all “material”, “physical”, “worldly” events that “happen” and that one “undertakes” —
To guide one back, in the way one has “chosen”, to the “realization” once again of one’s “true nature” — one’s “true self”.
I cannot believe how easily I have fallen out of my realization of this, it seems, when things seem to be “calm and peaceful” and “going well”… it is almost, well, actually rather, ironic — in times when things seem to have all “gone wrong”, that is when one remembers the “true purpose” of all the things that have happened — the “wrong” way, which was actually the absolutely “right” way all along.
It is only in those times that we stop and wonder and actually question WHY it is that things are the way they are, WHY we chose and want certain things? WHAT we even want at all… and so naturally
only those times when we shift our purpose from seeking something to come of the external “world” into something to come from the internal “self”…
and in doing so, finally find peace back in the way things “are” — exactly the way things are.
The “dangers” a “successful” person faces — in falling into what seems to be the inescapable ever-deepening “loop hole of eternal contradiction” — are far greater than one that seems to face a “dreaded and damned life in hell”.
“Hell” is a gift —
A most greatest gift that accelerates one to the understanding of the essence of what is “really” “important” like no other, like no one “blessed” with the “blindfold of achieving all that one “thinks”, “believes” one really wants” would ever have the “privilege” of seeing is just that —
Only loss and failure have the power to so quickly and so forcefully give one the gift of vision.
It is not a state of turmoil that one should worry, for that is what drives one so powerfully and so intently towards the direction of change — it is the state of indulgence and gratitude for what seems to be important but what is actually not.
One must be so careful when one is rich, successful, recognized, well-liked…for one risks faultily seeing the “importance” of things where it is actually not, and when the placebo is taken away, the endless journey from hell to strive back to heaven again…
But what one does not realize in those endless cycles is that what one thinks is taking one out of hell is really what is keeping one these — the more that one “wins”, the more one “loses” — until the point where one can lose no more, or can handle no more “loss” — only then is the point turned — the “recognition”.
Dear God, please help me if only to remember to ask—
What is it that I want? What is it that I Really want?
My writing is only a tool, as is anything else, to guide me back to where I am already and not to any other destination.
All that we experience through our “humanly”, “worldly” activities is only there to guide us back to our “selves” — we need not “go”, need not “arrive” anywhere at all — need only open our eyes to “see” what is invisible.
So God, let me write, not to inspire others, not to remind others or what is important, but simply, to remind myself of what of truly important — and in doing so is the “deed” inevitably transmitted to “others”.
One must never seek “external results” in one’s endeavor of “seeking oneself”, for doing so would only blind one to the “causes” that can only stem from within.
Indeed then, if my writing sought to achieve “external results”, be it money, fame, or even the inspiration of others, it could only deter me from change that could only be brought about the transformation of “inner cause”.
Perhaps for so long I have even dreamt it was a “worthy cause” to “inspire others”, but the truth is so simple — how can one inspire others without inspiring oneself?
And how can one truly “inspire” oneself without first finding one’s true self?
If one has “inspired” (others) without first “returning to one’s true self”, then it is no real “inspiration” at all, but only something so smooth and sly and so well disguised as “inspiration” that it would only inevitably knock one to the bottom of the well again once one can no longer “attain” that “result”.
Let me write then, simply for the purpose of seeking — understanding, uncovering, untangling — myself.
And whether or not others are inspired, or even find anything coherent at all is entirely irrelevant — those who will, will, and those who won’t, won’t. But regardless of “them”,
