This is not a eulogy for Irrfan Khan.

Ouf.

I have lost a few friends and I have mourned their departure. I have seen their deaths at an age when we were supposed to do great things in life, not attend funerals. Those experiences have shaped me, built character, and given me perspective.

I had never thought I would feel something even remotely similar to the loss of a friend; at least not from the death of someone I never knew. I wondered why. I wonder why yesterday I felt heartache and a tear while looking at your photos on a screen. I wondered why I mourned the death of an actor.

This is not a eulogy.

I have always believed people who are true to themselves are the ones who can act greatly, with verisimilitude.

Now, I wonder why we always fail to acknowledge and celebrate people when they are still a part of our lives. Why we don’t tell them in their face how beautiful their soul is and how that reflects in their art. I might be a cinephile, but I realized my liking for the cinema arts very late in my life. I don’t have the memory of the first Irrfan Khan film I have watched, but I do have a very strong impression of each and every one of his films that I have seen.

I can’t help but think, if I had a chance to meet you ever in life, I would have called you Irrfan Bhai, or Miyan. Has a nice ring to it

I did watch one of your shorts, “Migration” a brainchild of Mira Nair on the day I heard the news. There is a lot of undervalued work you have done which I will be consuming over the weekend, maybe write about it.

The feeling of loss I have in my heart comes from how I will not be able to see any more of his work. The cinema Industry- both Bollywood and overseas will remain bereft of this artist forever.

I was not looking forward to watching English Medium, his last film, but now, I will watch it like that voice message a loved one sends right before they die in a car crash, as shown in movies.

I was stalking you on your Instagram after I heard your news and found this video you uploaded from St. Petersburg. You referred to billboards visual pollution, and mentioned that it was a relief you didn't see many billboards there. The world will miss the purity of such thoughts.

Making a dent on this world came naturally to you, why’d you have to leave a void?

This is not a eulogy, this is thinking out loud, bit from the heart. I guess what I feel is because I saw through you in your art. With each frame, maybe I got to know you better. Through you, I fell in love even more with cinema.

إِنَّا لِلَّٰهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ‎

इन्ना लिल्लाही व इन्ना इलैही राजिऊन | Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un

“Verily we belong to God, and verily to God do we return.”

Here is a list of his work.