I, Tonya: about the truth.

How the broken reality, the unfiltered, the less pretty, gain more sympathy.

It has been a long known feud between the two skating sisters Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan in and out the ice rink. Of how the two of them has been forever compared to each other, the sweet princess versus the heavy-metal step sister. As if there’s only two spectrums of the axis.

Mind me that I wasn’t actually in the generation to experience this historical events, but I saw the movie and enough video interviews to hopefully know what’s going on. The incident that made the two of them, accidentally and ironically, lived up to the media’s portrayal.

It was very much ashamed of what has been done. I was never a fan of innocent person charged as guilty. But of course the law and authority has their own judgement and consideration to make the decision. Damn, I can still feel the pain in my chest just to think back to that scene.

“Your honor, I don’t have an education. All I know is skating. If you banned me from skating, it’s a life sentence. I’ll go to jail, but please let me skate.” — Tonya to the judge.

FUCK!

Okay-okay, what’s done is done and all is on the past. Tonya still living her best life and now the society is waaaay rooting for her, we’re all on her side.

Regardless of the laws and crime, there are other essentials things that makes us sympathize more with Tonya than Nancy, despite her role as the more messed-up one. And what could that possibly be?

Not only that Nancy voluntarily making a fool out of her self — by still seeking apologize from Harding. But we can also see the longevity of loyalty from the society. At first the associations rather see the America’s sweet heart with a “whole some America’s family” to represent their country. But which one of them still made us stick around even way after the competition ends?

A little background story, for those who haven’t watch the movie or even heard of it before, Tonya really really really has a rough time growing up with an abusive parent, yes, singular, cause it was only her mother. Her loving dad sadly had to left her because of the divorce. And I never understand about child custody.

Her mother claimed that her way of showing her love is to be hard on her, sacrificing the love of her daughter so she can be the best. On one side, she has a point, she did notice Tonya’s talent and potential to put her into the skating rink. But does the physical abuse really necessary?

It didn’t stop there.

The first guy who ever told her pretty, Jeff Gillooly, unfortunately also has that kinda love language. Psychoanalytic would say that it’s a pattern, she was used of being beaten up, thus somehow associating punching the same as “I love you”

Obviously with all of that facts above, Tonya didn’t exactly fit the title of America’s sweet heart with a whole some family. But if only the associations doesn’t give a damn about that, I bet we are all entirely sure that she would crash every medal on the competition.

Cause the world could never forget her triple axel.

“Why can’t it be only about skating?” — Tonya to one of the associates.

We’re all asking the same thing, Tonya, we are all…

Fast forwards years later, as I browsed through the media, turns out the America’s sweet heart, the victimized, the sweet princess, lost any sign of supports and compassion from the world.

Media may sided with Nancy,

but we all stayed for Tonya.

Here’s my analysis why:

In the end, humans connect by being humane.

Who wants the artificial perfection? Who actually likes an aesthetically pleasing to the eye, but far from the heart?

We all know damn well that Tonya put her heart and soul to the ice rink. And her life is not relatively easy. My favorite part is when she says:

“Nancy get hits one time, and the whole world shits. For me, it’s an all the time occurrence.”

The ugly life Tonya had, is what emotionally connects us. Because at one point somehow, our life may be as bad, worse or maybe not even come close to what Tonya had. But seeing someone else living that life, certainly concerns us.

She’s the real deal, she’s what we see all the time in our daily life. She hits close to home.

The moral of the story is, there’s no point of showing the image that you want people to see, rather than showing the real, transparent, unfiltered you.

But I’m not saying you should play pity. Tonya damn well know she doesn’t have any pity left to share for her. She keeps on walking alone, she doesn’t even try so hard on telling the truth and making people believe her. She has the world’s back, just because of sympathy.

About the film, it was amazingly packaged. Watching the whole movie is like peeling the skin of onion one by one until we know what’s really going on. It has the same teary eyed effects of an onion too. It was so hard to watch, but it’s the ugly truth, the real life, not your fake disney fairy tale.

I put my hats off to Margot Robbie, she’s killing it. She’s more of a Harley Queen here than she were in Suicide Squad. Also the fact that she also produced and pitched herself to be Tonya. And I always have more respect for actors with accent.

The details of the movie is soooo terrifyingly accurate. They doesn’t have to do it, but real history am I right?

I hope people catch this movie at least once in their life, as for me, I need the second time experience because it’s way too good for primary thinking.

26th of July, 2021.

Written by Purilaw

Published on Cinema Psyche