The CineNation “Meh” Awards
The Oscars honor the best, the Razzies honor the worst, and CineNation honors the stuff in the middle.
This year’s Academy Awards will go down in history as one of the craziest and most surprising ceremonies of all time. La La Land was at the top of the mountain for most of the awards season, but the underdog film, Moonlight, took the film’s spot literally at the last possible minute. The Academy is known for awarding some of the best films each year with the prestigious Oscar, and it did so again last night. And if you are a big film fan, you also might have paid attention to the Annual Razzie Awards that occurred on Saturday. Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice was the big “winner” that night, when it took home 4 Razzies, including Worst Screenplay.
The Oscars are known for awarding the best of the year, and the Razzies are known for “honoring” the worst of the year, but what about those middle of the road films? What about that movie that was entertaining in the theater, but after two months you forget you even saw it? You know, that movie that had a good premise, but not so good that you went out and told your friends to go watch it. Well, don’t worry.
is here for you. Welcome to the First Annual “Meh” Awards.“Meh” Animated Feature of the Year — Sing
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American Idol went off the air in 2016 after 15 seasons, following abysmal ratings for the last few seasons. So why on Earth did moviegoers turn out in droves to see Sing!, basically an hour and a half animated episode of that now deceased singing competition show?
Sing! is a perfectly adequate little piece of children’s entertainment. It’s just disappointing when held up to another wonderful animated film, Moana, that came out around the same time. In its opening five minutes, Sing! introduces every character in a way that you can tell exactly what they need and what they will achieve by the end of the film. From there, the story just lags between extended song sequences. After all, they don’t want a storyline to distract you too much from all the catchy pop songs you have to download when you get home!
In all seriousness, story is thrown out of the window in this film to make room for more pop song covers, leading to a 90 minute animated music video with an extremely predictable plot. The biggest disappointment is realizing Sing! went up against Moana, a film with a much more engaging and surprising story and impressive original music, and outperformed the Disney flick by about $20 million. Hollywood learns from box office trends, so expect to see more star-studded animated episodes of American Idol coming soon to a theater near you.
Also, let me take my extra word count allowance here to send a message to the writers of Sing! and any contestant on any real singing competition show in the future: I’m begging you, for the love of Cohen and everything that is holy, can we all just agree to stop covering “Hallelujah”?!?!?!?!?!
“Meh” Screenplay of the Year — Rogue One
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Okay. Let me first clearly state that I think Rogue One was a fine movie. A good one, in fact. It was incredibly enjoyable, and I think for the first Star Wars film to stray from the Skywalker path, it did so much better than other franchises that have had solo attempts (Remember X-Men Origins: Wolverine? Yikes.) The film’s score was serviceable (though clearly rushed), the action set pieces were phenomenal, the special effects (even the zombified Peter Cushing and youthed-up Carrie Fisher) were on point, and the film gave a simple, clear action film. But I think even the most die-hard Rogue One fan, if such a thing exists, has to admit that the screenplay was… well, mediocre.
Consider Mad Max: Fury Road. The story begins when one woman turns left. Very barebones. And yet, with what little dialogue it used, it used it phenomenally well. Characters had clear arcs, desires, and passions behind the film’s spectacle. The characters of Rogue One? They were archetypes (religious warrior, extremist rebel, pilot, snarky sidekick, spy, troublemaker with personal history with The Bad Guy, and The Bad Guy). They could’ve really been played by anyone. What they said? Didn’t matter. They had no arc. The entire story boils down to: Find the plans to the Death Star and deliver them.
And that’s perfectly fine!
This was Star Wars attempting a much shorter and more action-packed Saving Private Ryan. Their Black Hawk Down. It’s the first war movie in the series. Instead of a family saga, it’s about the bigger picture, the fight too big to remember all the true heroes, which happens in war. Hacksaw Ridge is a great 2016 example of telling the story of a forgotten hero of a war. But that was a biopic glorifying the person, and this was a story about the end result. Even though I am usually incredibly judgmental of screenplays as a writer myself (my extreme love of puns has caused me much turmoil over Vader’s “choke” line), the characters didn’t need to be the focus. All in all? It got the job done, but it’s just okay.
“Meh” Directing of the Year & the Meh Screenplay of the Year — Star Trek Beyond
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“It’s five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.”
Star Trek Beyond certainly seems to do it all- its crew seeks out strange new worlds and new civilizations. They go where no one has gone before.
But do they do it boldly? Well — kinda. There is adventure. A sense of peril. Mysterious aliens. Conflict amongst our heroes. Everything you want in a Star Trek film.
But it somehow feels like you’ve seen it before. Their ship gets stuck on another planet. The bad guy has ugly alien makeup and wants revenge. They meet a hot female alien with a foreign accent who’s fiercely independent and says she doesn’t need any help but of course she does.
And then there’s some weirder stuff. Like Kirk distracting the bad guys by being cool and riding a motorcycle. Like ending the film by celebrating their alien friend’s birthday. Like making an “ancient” Beastie Boys song a major plot point. It feels like a script written in 1980 that they thought they could make in 2016.
I don’t know, it’s got action, adventure, thrills, romance and laughs. It has a storyline you can follow, our familiar lovable characters, and epic battle sequences in outer space. It’s never boring. It’s not bad. It’s just not…good.
What went wrong? Was it the fact that Fast & Furious director Justin Lin was at the helm instead of a sci-fi genius J.J.Abrams? Was it that the script was given to comedian Simon Pegg to write? Are we missing the beloved Leonard Nimoy’s presence? Maybe it’s impossible to top the first two films? Or maybe it was the fact that despite their great acting, the cast just doesn’t care anymore. They’ve all moved onto bigger and better things since originally signing on for the 2009 film, but they were contractually obligated for a third. Are they just going through the motions? It’s hard to tell — especially with Zoe Saldana, who has a terribly small role after we learn of Uhura’s breakup with Spock.
The title Star Trek Beyond implies that it should offer something beyond what we’ve come to expect. But it doesn’t. So why do we need this film? What does it accomplish? (“Lots of money from our last viable franchise!!” screams a dying Paramount.)
It’s not a bad movie, but it’s certainly not good either. It’s just average. Beyond average.
“Meh” Picture of the Year — The Nice Guys
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Everyone on this podcast apparently has massive love for Shane Black. Thomas, Hunter, and Brandon have all at some point or another gushed over his work. I still have complaints over Iron Man 3, but that is neither here nor there. The Nice Guys should have been a huge smash. Russell Crowe+Ryan Gosling+1970’s black comedy crime thriller should work phenomenally well. But for me, as I said at length in my review of the film, it just felt too bizarre. I could not tell where or how the jokes were supposed to land, nor who exactly the jokes were on. The Nice Guys has its moments, but it felt like an opportunity wasted…much like Iron Man 3.
“Meh” Picture of the Year — Arrival
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I accept any and all the hate mail coming my way.
I felt the most “meh” after seeing Arrival, even though it is beloved by many filmgoers from this past year. I guess I have some explaining to do. The minimal style of the film left me unfulfilled. The acting was horrid. The only aspect of the film that keeps it from being bad is the unique design and interactions with the aliens.
Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner were boring and bland. Seeing the minimal style of the film, I hoped for the acting to draw me in and connect with the characters. I was wrong. Adams isn’t given much to do, except look scared, worried and frightened. A lot of the times she is reading handouts or working on a computer, figuring out how to communicate with the aliens. Sadly, the computer screens she’s looking at are different variations of circles and not interesting at all. Meh.
In Renner’s case, there is supposed to be a connection with Adams — their work partners and also future couple — but the spark is not there. A line dropped in the middle of the film gives away the “shock” ending — at least that’s how the film treats it — adding to the “meh-ness” of the film. I was not invested in any of these characters, due to the boring screenwriting and acting. They did not seem like they cared; nor did I.
The atmospheric directing is deliberate. I get that. There are some stunning shots and the aliens are creative and interesting. However, we never get a full, clear shot of them — sort of like how I see this film. I never understood how others advertise the film. It’s not one of the best sci-fi films; that hype needs to end. It’s just… “meh”.
“Meh” Picture of the Year — The Nice Guys
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This was a tough decision for me, because I don’t like repeating something that someone has already mentioned on here, but I have to go with The Nice Guys. Sully, however, was a close second (Go watch Flight instead). I really wanted to love The Nice Guys. I’m a big Shane Black fan, both as a writer and a director. Black is great when working in the buddy cop genre, Gosling and Crowe are two talented actors, and the film is set in 1970s Los Angeles. I should love this movie, right? The film, however, wasn’t that memorable, and I’m not quite sure why a number of my film friends love it.
The Nice Guys was one of those movies where I left thinking, “That wasn’t great and I’m not sure why it wasn’t great.” There weren’t really any glaring problems to me, but for some reason, the film didn’t click. Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe work very well together. Gosling is easily the shining star out of the two, and it makes me want to see him do more comedies. The look of the film, however, fell flat to me. It didn’t have the 1970s L.A. vibe that I thought Shane Black would kill. Some of it worked, but not all of it. A big reason is because they shot majority of the film in Atlanta, Georgia, and the movie just feels like they shot it elsewhere.
When someone tells me they love the film I always ask them if they have seen Black’s directorial debut, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. The majority of them say no. If you love The Nice Guys (which is fine), but you haven’t seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, then please go watch it. It is a far superior movie, and Black’s style is more present in that film. The Nice Guys is an accessible film, and I hope it gets more people into Shane Black, but it isn’t that great compared to his other work. It’s just meh. (2022 Edit: It was better the second time.)
