The Only Way to Make Top Gun 2
Since it’s “definitely happening,” there’s only one way to do it. Bruckheimer, take note.
In the biggest news to come out of The Mummy press tour — yes, bigger than the announcement of the “Dark Universe” — Tom Cruise and his just-so-damn-charming smile confirmed Top Gun 2 on an Australian morning show today.
Some people might jump for joy at this news, as the Internet seems to have done in the last few hours. Others might roll their eyes, wondering why a classic ’80s film is falling prey to the same Hollywood remake/reboot fever that has claimed so many films lately. I, however, remain optimistic. There is a way Top Gun 2 could work.
Let me stress this again though. There is a way this could work. Just one. There is literally only one scene that could make or break Top Gun 2. And here’s why:
Part of the reason Top Gun 2 has never been explored before is that, despite the blossoming bromance between equally ridiculously handsome Maverick (Cruise) and Ice Man (Val Kilmer), none of us really have any interest of revisiting a world where Goose (Anthony Edwards), the greatest wingman in the history of wingmen, is still dead. The portion of Top Gun after Goose’s death already feels so empty, why force ourselves to endure another film without Goose’s antics?
The secret to saving Top Gun 2 is already hidden in another cinematic classic: Beerfest. For anyone unfamiliar with Broken Lizard’s complex exploration of alcohol, global culture clashes, and the fragility of masculinity, just know that the midpoint hinges around the murder of American Beerfest team member Phil “Landfill,” portrayed by Kevin Heffernan. The loss of Landfill cripples the team and brings the film to a screeching halt. Until, at Landfill’s funeral, his identical twin brother Gil (played convincingly by Heffernan as well) shows up and proves that he has drinking skills comparable, possibly even superior, to his deceased brother. And just to make things easier, he’d like to go by the nickname Landfill as well. It’s a genius strategy to invoke the pathos of a death in the film without burdening the plot with the loss of a primary character.
So dust off your flight suit, Anthony Edwards, because you’re coming back as Nick “Goose” Bradshaw’s twin brother, Rick, who has equal navigation skills as his brother and takes on his callsign of Goose as a sign of respect for the deceased. And, since this is a move taken straight from Beerfest, go ahead and just hire the Broken Lizard guys as staff writers on the film, Bruckheimer.
If this happens, I can guarantee you Top Gun 2 will be a giant success. Possibly the greatest sequel of all time. But mark my words, if this scene is not in the film, Top Gun 2 is going to fail more disastrously than the training flight that claimed the life of Rick “Goose” Bradshaw’s twin brother, Nick “Goose” Bradshaw.
