Anxious Lesbian Representation Matters — “Am I Ok?” Review (Sundance)
Am I Ok?, directed by real-life wives Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne, is a coming-of-age story for those who have outgrown the time of their life when they were “supposed” to have it all figured out. Thirty-something best friends Lucy (Dakota Johnson) and Jane (Sonoya Mizuno) know everything about each other. Jane knows exactly what Lucy will order at their favorite diner, right down to her drink of choice. Their lives are wound together so tightly that when Jane announces that she got a promotion and is moving to London in six months, it’s like Lucy’s whole world is falling apart. The fact that a secret has been weighing heavily on Lucy only adds to her feeling that the rug is being ripped out from under her.
Am I Ok? is so easy to love. The friendship between Jane and Lucy is effortless, as if they are the audience’s own friends. That feeling is a testament to the quality of the script. Jane and Lucy share a private language that has grown through the years of their friendship. They say things like “you had shaky voice” to recognize when the other is clearly upset. A yoga instructor even informs them that she can clearly see they were sisters in a past life before one of them betrayed the other and called her a witch so she was burned at the stake. Without missing a beat, Lucy deadpans that it was definitely Jane who did the betrayal, saying, “that feels like a her thing.” It’s the sort of lived-in familiarity that makes friendships special.
While out celebrating Jane’s move to London, the two get very drunk and start sharing secrets. Jane casually mentions that she kissed a girl once in tenth grade. This sends Lucy into a downward spiral. Not only was it something Lucy didn’t know about her, but Jane said it in a casual and carefree way, as if it was an easy thing to do. Lucy is jealous that Jane was able to do what Lucy has been thinking about doing for so long, but has never had the courage to act on. Later in the evening, Lucy attempts to explain how she feels to Jane, but she can’t say the words that could make it real. Lucy also beats herself up about the fact that this is something she should have acknowledged a long time ago. She’s embarrassed that it took her so long to be honest with herself.
So often, when people think of representation, they think they have to show off the most perfect version of the people or group they are trying to represent. These unattainable caricatures make the people watching at home, who are seeking representation, feel even more isolated. When the only image they have of themselves is perfect, how can they live up to that? Thankfully, Am I Ok? has no interest in making Lucy perfect. She’s confused, heartsick, and slowly learning about herself. Not everything goes perfectly and her growth doesn’t happen overnight, but it is beautiful to watch her try.
The film is in tune with what it feels like to identify as queer. It comes as no surprise, given that the directors and the writer are a part of the LGBT community. This is not to say that only people of that community can write about LGBT characters, but there were moments in the film that felt honest in a way that can only come from lived experience. Watching Lucy Google “how do I know I’m a lesbian” and take an “am I gay” quiz at work is a funny scene for two distinct reasons. On its surface, it’s humorous to watch Lucy Google this while sitting at a fancy reception desk while her crush/co-worker is behind her. It also pulls a laugh from the people who have found themselves in a similar situation. Perhaps it’s not a joke that will land as well if you haven’t Googled “am I gay” at some point in your life, but for those who have, it’s layered. It’s remembering being so confused that you turn to Google, looking for some confirmation of the thing you already pretty much know, but cannot say. It’s being able to look back at where you once were and where you are now.
Not only is the chemistry between Jane and Lucy absolutely divine, this is one of the funniest movies released in recent years. Hollywood has moved away from mid-budget comedies, and Am I Ok? is proof that it’s a genre that has been sorely missed. It’s not the raucous humor of Superbad, but it’s the sort of smart banter that is quietly hilarious. The film is funny in the way your real-life friends are funny. Not relying on physicality or punchlines, the impeccable script from Lauren Pomerantz makes Am I Ok? instantly rewatchable. Charming in all the right places, angry in others, and pit-of-your-stomach sad at times, Pomerantz has written a delightful slice-of-life comedy.
The supporting cast members are the quiet heroes of the movie. While Johnson and Mizuno are the standout stars who carry the weight of the film, Kiersey Clemmons, Molly Gordon, and Jermaine Fowler deserve attention as well. As with her scene-stealing performances in Booksmart, The Broken Hearts Gallery, and Shiva Baby, Gordon as a slightly unhinged supporting character is always a welcome sight. As the object of Lucy’s affection, Clemmons’ Brittany is so sunny that Lucy’s crush makes all the sense in the world. Fowler’s Danny, boyfriend to Jane, is the endearing, goofy foil to the serious Jane. Tig Notaro’s cameo toward the end of the movie is the icing on top of an already heavenly cake.
For most of the 2000s, movies about female friendships were limited to how a relationship fractures when a man comes between two women. It is refreshing to see the narrative arc center primarily on the relationship between the women. It can be difficult to be in a friendship and it is a choice to keep it alive, but, for the right person, it is a worthy endeavor. Am I Ok? is an ode to the effort that love deserves.
5 / 5 Stars
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