An Ode To Comprise & Consensus
A Short & Completely Fabricated History of Scientific Breakthroughs
Remember long ago, when the consensus in science was that the sun revolved around the Earth. It was obvious to everyone. Of course then some other scientists had the gall to read the data a little differently. They built models and made predictions. Unfortunately for the geocentric crowd, those predictions worked better than their own. But in order to keep everyone happy, a grand compromise was reached.
Today we know that the Earth revolves around the sun on even numbered days and the sun revolves around the Earth on odd ones.
This was wildly popular and made science so much better. It is also why we all occasionally have odd days.
Of course, long before all that, consensus knew the world was flat. I mean, how could it not be? But then Eratosthenes went and built a model that showed it was round. Consensus actually changed, mainly due to all those useful predictions, but since so many people really wanted it to stay flat — a grand compromise was reached.
We now know the world is both round and flat. It is in fact shaped like a hamster wheel.
This is also wildly popular. It is what makes the world go round.
Centuries later, consensus knew that disease was spread by miasma. Everyone could just smell that was true. Along came germ theory and more of those pesky predictions. But alas compromise prevailed.
Today we know disease is spread by smelly bacteria known as viruses that travel in clouds.
Another incredibly popular compromise. Louis Pasteur actually invented a deodorizing process for milk, but it only lasts so long before that smelly miasma comes back! And that is where sour milk comes from :)
Thanks to consensus and compromise, we now know that the tectonic plates do move but only on Mondays. That is why every Monday we get an uneasy feeling when we return to work or school.
Evolution only worked prior to Adam and Eve, then it went on vacation. Chickens evolved from dinosaurs but people have been here forever, which is exactly halfway between 4000 and 4.8 billion years ago. And so the Bible is a scientific document after all!
DNA exists but it has nothing to do with anything important. So feel free to self identify as whatever you want. Feel free to name yourself a scientific genius if you’d like! Then demand compromise. It is how all the popular science happens anyway.
Much more recently, remember when Halley’s comet came and killed us all? Well of course it didn’t! Thanks to compromise and consensus — we are now all only half dead! Huzzah for this amazing scientific principal.
And so the next time you hear two dissenting opinions on anything — just remember the answer is clearly somewhere in the middle. Because if it wasn’t, someone would be wrong and that is clearly not very popular. Worse still how fun would science be? It would be so much harder.
Thanks for reading! Stay safe. More importantly, stay informed.
