MAKE AMERICA STINK AGAIN
Trump Bans DEI At Sewage Treatment Plants
Extends crappy treatment to woke wastewater
In his latest effort to eradicate Diversity, Equity and Inclusion¹ programs, Donald Trump has banned federal funding for wastewater plants using DEI to treat sewage.
“Just look at how those plants mistreat sludge,” raged Trump. “They pump it into settling ponds. The coarse sand and silt sink to the bottom; they dredge it up later and dump it in a landfill. Meanwhile, the blackwater moves on to be aerated. That’s a disgraceful example of affirmative action: the plants hold back manly grit, and give girlie gunk and sludge of color preferential treatment! It’s obvious what’s going on: the Deep-sewer State is removing the crud, contaminants, and pathogens which make America great!”
Trump’s right. DEI isn’t just a box on a wastewater engineer’s checklist. Look at the steps in the water treatment process: DEI stands out like a used tampon in a toilet tank. That’s even at plants in MAGA communities, as is apparent in their mission statements.
- “The Coeur d’Alene, Idaho Treatment Plant² celebrates the diversity of our inflows. That’s regardless of whether they’re muck, yuck, sludge, slime, bottom bilge, condom rafts, or dookie floaters.”
- “The Talladega, Alabama Wastewater Plant³ is inclusive when it comes to effluents. We don’t discriminate against sludge on account of its odor, color, state of decomposition, the species which made it, or its orifice of origin.”
- “The North Platte, Nebraska Water Treatment Plant⁴ is committed to the equitable treatment of excrement, be it human doody, cow plops, horse apples, swine slops, sheep dip, chicken nuggets, goose grease, or turkey turds.”
- “The Tropical Farms, Florida Wastewater Plant⁵ maintains an environment where all microbes have an equal opportunity to be sanitized. That includes gastro and respiratory pathogens which have historically been ignored, such as Campylobacter, Cryptosporidium, Listeria monocytogenes, adenovirus, and norovirus.”
“Those plants have one thing in common,” Trump declared last week in a speech at the Rocky River Wastewater Treatment Plant in Anderson, South Carolina.⁶ “Their sewage treatment processes are woke!
“Look at their Clarifier Tanks. After wastewater is pumped into them, the burly poops drop to the bottom, are pumped out, sanitized, then plowed into nearby fields. The softer stools stay at the top and continue on with the blackwater. That’s reverse discrimination: the femme floaters are given an unfair advantage over brawny bilge!
“Here’s another thing that gives me the Hershey squirts. It’s the disrespectful way we treat pathogens. We should culture all-American bugs like Escherichia coli and Salmonella. Instead, plants cancel-culture them in the Chlorine Contact Tanks.
“The Anaerobic Digesters are worse. They treat all sludge the same regardless of its gender. The digesters break down macho muck because it oozes toxic masculinity. They turn it into a sissy slurry. And they neutralize its odors. That’s absurd! Man-doodies are supposed to smell disgusting. Except mine, of course; my shit don’t stink.”
“Oh, and the digesters deodorize trad-wife turds. That’s so rude of them! People should be allowed to enjoy the fragrance of feminine feces.
“What gets me most is that plants appease the #MePoo movement. They treat wastewater oh-so respectfully. They don’t want to be accused of shaming its suspended solids, mocking its biomass, or judging its impurities.
“I discussed that with the experts on scuz, scum and slime: Harvey Weinstein,⁷ Andrew Tate,⁸ and R. Kelly.⁹ We agreed those plants are too woke for words. Sewage is meant to be dissed, shaded, and degraded. As I put it to the guys, ‘We should grab scat by its naughty bits and slap the ick out of it’.”
“Well as of today,” declared Trump, “water treatment will be woke no more!
“I’m issuing an executive order which bans the rationale for woke sewage treatment: Critical Waste Theory. It’s a product of the lunatic leftwing obsession with Identity Politics:¹⁰ gaining people’s votes by appealing to their identity, be it their race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic class, or education level.
“Liberals have extended it to poo. They want to define people according to whether their dookies are shaped like marbles, amoebas, snakes, caterpillars, or soft-serve ice cream in a cup. The problem is, CWT doesn’t make wastewater easier to treat. It just makes feces feel bad.”
“Next, I’m gonna make wastewater plants put American Filth First. I’ll impose tariffs on foreign matter. And I’ll ban the treatment of immigrant excrement, especially:
- Chinese shǐ (屎);
- Arab alqarf (القرف);
- Mexican mierda; and
- Canadian kak.”
“Oh, and before I forget: I’ll pardon the patriot poops which have been unjustly held in holding ponds. Granted, some of them are really icky. Don’t worry. I’ll look at each dookie before deciding whether it should be allowed back into a community’s drinking water supply.”
“I’ve ordered DOGE to go into the plants and fire wastewater engineers who cater to elitist effluent. I’ll replace ’em with MAGA minions who have a lot in common with the average turd. They’ll ensure:
- Plants won’t mis-treat faith-based poo. White evangelical crap will be allowed to stink to high Heaven.
- Straight dookies will be given preference over feces from alternative lifestyles.
- MAGA muck won’t be sidetracked in settling ponds so DEI effluents can be digested first.
- Hypermasculine crap will be free to be offensive. If someone tries to impose Odor Cancel Culture on it, I’ll hit ’em with a gag order.
- The numbering system for sewage will be changed to re-establish the traditional poo patriarchy. From now on, man doo-doo will be a Number 1, and lady pee will be a Number 2.
“Here’s the most important thing. Woke wastewater plants want to break up our MAGA poop. We won’t let it happen. Because what separates MAGA crap from other feces is our turd herd mentality.”
[1]: “DEI explained: What is DEI and why is it so divisive? What you need to know.”, USA Today, https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2025/03/04/trump-dei-backlash-explained/81170427007/
[2]: Treatment Plant, City of Coeur d’Alene, https://www.cdaid.org/161/departments/wastewater/wastewater-treatment-plant
[3]: “County Water Department, Talladega County, Alabama, https://www.talladegacountyal.org/departments/water_department/index.php
[4]: “Wastewater Treatment, City of North Platte, Nebraska, https://northplattene.gov/221/Wastewater-Treatment
[5]: “Tropical Farms Water Treatment Plant Enhancement”, Martin County, Florida, https://www.martin.fl.us/project/tropical-farms-water-treatment-plant-enhancement
[6]: “Utilities — Wastewater,” Anderson, South Carolina, https://www.cityofandersonsc.com/utilities-wastewater/
[7]: “Harvey Weinstein’s retrial on rape charges in New York is set for April 15”, NBC News, https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/harvey-weinstein-new-york-retrial-date-set-rcna189766
[8]: “Who is Andrew Tate? The self-proclaimed misogynist influencer”, BBC, https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-64125045
[9]: “R. Kelly sentenced to 20 years in prison in Chicago federal sex crimes case”, ABC7 Eyewitness News, https://abc7chicago.com/kelly-news-singer-sentenced-20-years-prison-chicago-federal-child-pornography-case/12864908/
[10]: “The battle over identity politics, explained”, Vox, https://www.vox.com/identities/2016/12/2/13718770/identity-politics
