POLITICAL GAMES
What’s Your Handicap?
Buddies discuss theirs during a round
It was a glorious day. John Q. Public gathered two guys he knew well and a lovely lady to complete a foursome. As is common when playing, their discussion came round to their handicaps.
DJ
Low, low, low handicap. In fact, I have no handicap at all. Really, I’m even better than that. I have a negative handicap, so everyone I play gets extra strokes.
All I do turns to gold, and whenever I play I make par or better. I have no idea why you’d even raise the subject. Is this another attempt at persecuting me?
You know, I just won two tournaments on my course. And I’m not only talented, I’m smart. You have to be really smart to win tournaments. Only I can win tournaments the way I do, and I am really smart. Really, I am the smartest.
I win tournaments at my properties against people who can’t afford to beat me. But none of them are as smart and talented as I am.
So I don’t have any handicap. And if anyone tried to pin one on me, I’d be TOTALLY EXONERATED. Yeah, I don’t know why you’d even ask.
John Q.
Well, I’m clearly handicapped. I graduated from my local High School but didn’t learn a damn thing. I learn more from social media than from any book learning. That’s my critical thinking.
But I know what I know. And I know I’m being screwed.
I have no responsibility for any of the bad things that keep happening to me. My handicap is none of my doing. I work hard and usually obey the law, and that should be enough to live long and prosper. Putting labels on beer cans is a hard and necessary job and I should be paid the same as all those arrogant over-educated snobs.
I work to keep my family alive and to buy ammo. I love this great country and hate those who want to tear it down and make it into a socialist welfare state.
But beer should be free.
JB
My handicap is pretty low. I just can’t remember what it was.
I don’t play as well as I used to. I’m not a young person. But aging is not a crime, and I know in which direction we need to go, and have the muscle memory to get there. I’m pretty sure of that. Yeah, I think I know that.
I’m gonna keep playing. I know some people are saying I shouldn’t play anymore, but hey, this is my game. I’m good at it and have been for a long time. A very long time. I know how to win and will do so again. I have my knife and I am ready for any gunfight.
So don’t you worry about my handicap. I’m gonna be there when you need me. Just like Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
America
I am handicapped by innumerable people and organizations who put personal gain ahead of the common good. They portray kindness, compassion, and compromise as weakness. Their “one true path” leaves no room for other ways.
Many of my handicaps are imposed by media driven only by ratings and greed. No sane person would put up with what my presidential candidates must go through to campaign and win votes. The scrutiny is unrelenting, the time interminable, and the money necessary is prohibitive for all of those best qualified. So I am handicapped by unfit candidates for president. Citizens are left with a choice between bad and worse.
A gridlocked Congress also handicaps me. Elected representatives have abdicated their responsibility to legislate in favor of bombastic preaching to their choirs.
The highest court in the land is full of ideologues instead of jurists. I am handicapped because they ignore legal precedence. Their role has become that of finding convoluted logic to support pre-existing beliefs rather than interpreting the law as written.
But my biggest handicap is citizens who allow others to think for them. These sheep argue amongst themselves about their place in line as they are led to the slaughterhouse. They respond to sensational “news” without demanding facts or accuracy. The analysis provided by soundbites is as deep as they go.
And I cry that my handicapped younger people and minorities feel that democracy has failed them. Perhaps they are right. Maybe democracy is too easily thwarted to provide a lasting solution to the need for governance. The insightful Benjamin Franklin once indicated that we have “A Republic, if you can keep it.”
Maybe we can’t.
“Hey,” came the shout from behind. “You four are really playing slow. We’re playing through, so get out of the way.”
And with that brief warning, Vlad teed up and smashed his shot far down the fairway like a missile. Jinping, Jong Un, and Viktor followed soon after, and John Q.’s foursome was quickly left behind.
