The Road to Hana…

(is paved with good intentions, waterfalls, hippies and coconut ice cream)

Tara Turner
Aug 28, 2017 · 9 min read

I’m not always reckless but when I am it’s cause I’m in paradise.

Strap in kids, this was definitely one of the best, most memorable days of my life and I’m about to share the highlights every stupid detail with you.

We’re lucky. We have friends who live in Maui, who have done the drive numerous times, and they graciously chauffeured us. I can’t imagine a better way to go. Seriously, these gals should just go into business giving these tours. This time, I didn’t have to white knuckle it (see previous post about driving up volcanoes in the dark) and could literally sit back and enjoy the ride. The road tends to get real crowded, so go early OR go the back way like we did.

Most people start in Pa’ia and work their way south (clockwise). We started down in Kula and headed east and then north.

Warning: if you’re squeamish about windy, narrow roads, don’t take this one on. Driving this road requires constantly rounding blind corners and sharing a one lane road with tour buses. Insider Tip: Honk as you go around corners to let people know you’re coming, and take your time. It’s certainly not a road you need to go fast on, and why would you? You’re in paradise. Soak up every second, even in a little traffic.

Since we had such fantastic, willing tour guides, I relinquished control over our agenda for the day (not easy for my type A / minor control freak nature) and it all worked out swimmingly (pun intended, you’ll see).

Stop #1 : Grandma’s, Kula

The ladies suggested that we start the day with breakfast at a place called Grandma’s. I truly believe it’s the most important and enjoyable meal of the day, so obviously I was game. Start your day here if you can. Their home-made baked goods & coffee were delish and my chili omelette hit the spot. Plus, they have a bunch of cats running around and a cute little patio where we could eat outside.

Stop #2 : Random Unmarked Beach

For the life of me I can’t remember why we stopped here, but from these photos it looks like they were checking the trunk while I played paparazzi.

Stop #3 : Laulima Farm, Haleakala National Park Kipahulu Area

Here you’ll find a bunch of friendly, chill hippies hangin’ around selling their organic wares. Grab some snacks for the hike(s) you’re about to undertake. There are other smaller farm stands along the way that operate on an honor system where you can take what you want & leave cash.

Stop #4 : Pipiwai Trail > Bamboo Forest > Waimoku Falls

Stops 4 and 5 are technically the same stop, as in, you get out of your vehicle at the same place to see both. Park at the Kipahulu Visitor Center. From here you can choose to hike 2 (ish) miles up the Pipiwai Trail, through a stunning and almost spooky bamboo forest, to the falls or go laze about in the Pools at Ohe’o (also known as the Seven Sacred Pools).

You can easily do both and I suggest you do. Some “sources” claim the hike took them hours upon hours to complete, calling it “overly strenuous”. I’m calling bullshit on that, unless you’re seriously injured or suffering from extreme laziness. Yes, it’s 4 miles round-trip but I would estimate we spent no more than two hours completing it. It’s a walk in the woods with a few uphill parts. If you’re in any sort of reasonable shape, you can do it. Ignore anything negative from your basic review sites like Tripadvisor.

There are a couple points of interest along the hike. First being this large and in charge Banyan tree. Also, the bamboo forest, which was eerily quiet when we went. The only sounds we heard were the loud cracking of the bamboo stalks as they moved.

And here’s your reward for taking a walk through paradise….BAM! 400 feet of glourious-ness!

You bet your sweet ass we went past this point. Fatalities, schmatalities.

Crossing over the little stream to get to the waterfall was most definitely the most strenuous part of the hike, but the water’s not super deep or anything so no need to worry. Wear your bathing suit with some comfortable shorts and some form of athletic shoes.

Stop #5 : Pools at Ohe’o

Post hike, make a left before you reach the parking lot/visitor center and you’ll see signs directing you to these natural pools. We climbed up those rocks (pictured behind us) and I got coerced into jumping off of them into the water. Little did I know that this was just a warm up for later…

Update: Sadly due to storm damage, the pools are closed to the public indefinitely.

Stop #6 : Coconut Glen’s

Come for the non-dairy delights, stay for all the other weird shit.

At first glance, Coconut Glen’s may appear to be your regular run of the mill rainbow colored, lawn ornament splattered, side of the road stand, but it is much, much more. Those smiles you see there were the genuine article, the result of a strange but beautiful experience.

First off, the ice cream is really good, like change your life kind of good. I personally had the original coconut and the coffee-toffee, served in an actual coconut. Extra points for cuteness. The best part of Glen’s, hands down, was the free-spirited woman who waited on us. Phyllis, originally from the mainland (and specifically I think Massachusetts, like us, if memory serves) ran around bare footed, excitedly showing us around, telling us stories and drinking some sort of adult beverage out of a goblet.

Aside from eating ice cream, we also blew bubbles out of flowers, fed their resident pig (whose mother they ate for holiday dinner, so they felt it was good karma to save the baby), and got to see little plants that go night-night when you touch them (kind of like us after one too many mai tais during the day). Let me be clear about one thing, if you’re in any sort of rush, you will probably get your panties in a twist with Phyl at the helm. I think she started scooping our ice cream and stopped to tell a story or show us something at least three or four times. A little flighty, very distracted, but one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people we met in Hawaii. I was only sad she didn’t offer us whatever was in that cup, or any crops I’m assuming they were growing on the premises. As they say, I would’ve had what she’s having.

Stop #7 : Venus Pool (Waioka Pond)

The spot you’re not really supposed to go to because “technically” part of it is on “private property”. You’ll come to a residential area facing a big field which may or may not be filled with cows. Our local friends told us to park and then jump under the fence, real confident like we owned the joint.

Since I doubt any Hawaiian authority gave a shit then or now, I think you should try it. Just don’t act like a clueless tourist (difficult for some, I know). It’s worth it cause if you can muster some courage, you can jump off some kick ass cliffs.

Our friends had been here before so as soon as we got down to the water, they immediately climbed up to the highest point and jumped off. There was another group doing the same. Peer pressure can be a real bitch, and I’m not above succumbing to it from time to time. In general though, I’m really good at pressuring myself into things, so I don’t need it from any outside bad influences. I live with a self imposed “don’t be a pussy or you’ll regret it later” mentality. I only considered it after watching these muppets jump without hesitation or trepidation, MULTIPLE times. It took me a few minutes of legs shaking and “you’re in Hawaii you dumb ass just do it!” self talk, but I did it. And then I jumped off the second spot too. Old hat at that point.

The only problem with jumping into that gorgeous lagoon was getting back out. I basically had to flop myself up onto the rocks kind of like a seal. What a visual. And when I did it the second time, I cut my hand on one of those rocks (yayyy). I was raised by an eagle scout so naturally I whined about it and then wrapped my hand in the one napkin we had between the five of us. So prepared we were.

Stop #8 : Koki Beach

They sell Band-Aids in Hawaii! So, spoiler alert, I didn’t bleed out, and we went to this beautiful beach for a little snack/smoke break. Quiet, secluded and pristine. This beach is choice.

Stop #9 : Rainbow Eucalyptus Grove

The prettiest tree that I ever did see…

How do these magical masterpieces even exist? Unsurprisingly, like so many other things, they were brought here from other exotic lands. Their bark sheds each year and when it matures, it darkens and changes color, resulting in the mishmash of color you see before you. PS — Sorry but I can’t do much to help you locate these guys. When we finally got here, the sun was setting, I had lost blood (re: tragic seal impersonation accident), and I was HUNGRY as hell, so they could have driven me anywhere at that point. According to the Internet, it’s around Mile Marker 7.

Stop #10 : Pa’ai

There were a few other stops here and there but this post has gone on long enough as is. Pa’ai is a charming little surf town and represented our finish line. Every shop window was filled with tropical tchotchkes that tempted me. If I’m good at one thing, it’s buying shit I don’t need and using the word “souvenir” as a convenient excuse. Definitely a popular and busy spot, finding a place to eat for five people proved difficult. After a few failed attempts, we settled on Rock & Brews. I shouldn’t say “settle” since everything we had there was fine, but it was a chain. Thankfully not a shitty one like that other rock themed chain I won’t mention.

Takeaway dear reader (I’m optimistic there’s at least one of you)…

GO TO HANA. Hike, jump off something that scares the dickens out of you, eat ice cream, feed wild horses you run across, chase some waterfalls, buy fresh banana bread off the street, enjoy a road soda, talk to strangers….you know, all the things you’re not supposed to do. You’re a big kid now, go for it!

Class President

Surviving Adulthood After Peaking in High School

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Tara Turner

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Class President

Surviving Adulthood After Peaking in High School

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