Compassion Instinct
When speaking about human nature, H.H. the Dalai Lama discusses our instinctive response to others' suffering and the instinctive urge to act upon it.
As a child, when I would pass a beggar while walking with my father in New York and feel the urge to help, my father kept walking without even looking at or acknowledging the existence of the person. I was troubled seeing this.
But then over time, that instinct became weaker as I became more accustomed to seeing poverty. Sometimes, if I want to buy something for myself or if I'm focused on getting somewhere, I even feel annoyed when I see someone asking for money in my path. Complacency about others' suffering has set in.
Psychologist Paul Ekman said that even though some people respond to suffering with compassion, other people respond with indifference or disgust. “Why this difference?” he asked.
It's clear to me that there are different reactions to the sight of suffering – not only from different individuals, but one person at different times. So is the Dalai Lama ignoring this reality? Is he perhaps just wrong?
Based on my experience, I think that His Holiness is skilful to use the term “instinctive.” It seems like the compassionate response to suffering is the most primitive one; it's inborn.
How do the others come about, then? Through conditioning.
The more I learn to associate my sense of self with my group – Americans, lower-middle class suburbanites, Jews, Buddhists, white people, Westerners, educated people, environmentalists, liberals, men, employees of my employer – the further away anyone not in those groups appears to me. Which group I identify with in a given moment depends on the circumstances and my changing thoughts.
I think that when seeing anyone suffer, the mere presence of a reaction signifies that the empathic instinct is still present. That is, a response is stirred somewhere deep within.
Yet, that instinct will be quickly overridden by another emotion to the degree that I hold the conception of “us” and “them.” This is all based in attachment.
As long as “you” are not part of “me” and I don't want to be inconvenienced, I easily ignore your suffering. If “you” fall into a group that I have some problem with, I might respond to your suffering with callousness, disgust, or, if my mind is seized by hatred, pleasure.
Today, I will watch my reactions to the suffering that I hear about and see. I will shine awareness on my own biases. Through his observation of our human nature, The Dalai Lama calls upon me to transform my natural response to others' suffering into the urge to help relieve it.
Recognizing the shared humanity of all people directly results in a compassionate state of mind. How could it not?
Today, I'll reflect that every being wishes for happiness and to avoid suffering. Attachment to my groups will fade and I'll begin to identify “us” with all of humanity.
