MENTAL HEALTH
7 Wonderful Ways to Heal and Soothe Your Inner Child
Your inner child is reaching out to you. Will you meet him halfway?
“See the world through the eyes of your inner child.
The eyes that sparkle in awe and amazement as they see love, magic and mystery in the most ordinary things.”~Henna Sohail
We all have an inner child.
A carefree, lighthearted, playful, creative inner child.
Which, unfortunately, most of us get disconnected from.
We go through various stages in our lives- childhood being the most fundamental one. This is the stage when we get molded and shaped by our primary caregivers.
During our childhood, we look up to our caregivers for our primal needs to get met. We all want to be loved, accepted, soothed, protected, nurtured, understood. We want our feelings to be acknowledged and validated. If these basic needs are met, we grow up having high self-esteem, confidence, and overall a secure attachment.
But when they aren’t, we grow up having low self-esteem, lack of assertiveness, always looking on the outside for emotional validation which more often than ever results in people-pleasing behavior. This is a sign our inner child is wounded.
When pondering how the inner child gets wounded, author Alice Miller suggested that German philosophers believed in stamping out a child’s exuberance so that adults could control them. This could be a factor.
Another factor that leads to a wounded inner child is the lack of emotional or physical availability of the parent or caregiver. We tend to put our parents on a pedestal when we are children and all we want is for them to acknowledge us, love us, and accept us the way we are.
And when that doesn’t happen, as children, we believe it’s our fault. Beliefs such as not being loveable enough, smart enough, worthy enough begin swirling around in our young minds. We then become grown-ups or adults who hold the primary belief we aren’t enough and end up turning our back on our inner child.
Stephen A. Diamond Ph.D. states that:
“In fact, these so-called grown-ups or adults are unwittingly being constantly influenced or covertly controlled by this unconscious inner child. For many, it is not an adult self-directing their lives, but rather an emotionally wounded inner child inhabiting an adult body.”
We think that we are now grown-ups and need to live a socially acceptable grown-up life, when in fact, we have a lot of unhealed childhood wounds that get triggered and get to lead our lives in manners that are unfulfilling and inauthentic to our true core.
My healing journey.
“How you handle the people that trigger you, that’s your call. But at least know that you’re the one with the explosive inside you and you gain so much liberation, if you find out what that ammunition is and how you got it and if you can really diffuse it… like they diffuse a bomb, you can actually diffuse that ammunition inside you through getting to know yourself. And that’s where freedom actually lies.”
~ Dr. Gabor Mate
This is a quote that made a lot of sense to me when I read it. Simply because it provides a shift in perspective and acts as a wake-up call to do the inner work, to get to know ourselves better in order to reconcile aspects with us that are desperately longing for our attention, compassion and acceptance.
For instance, I grew up with the belief that children must be seen but not heard. And thus, over the years I lost my voice. I wasn’t supposed to talk when grownups did, but just to sit there quietly whilst someone would ask me the standard ‘do you like going to school?’ or ‘what is your favorite subject in school?’ type of question.
I’ve been asked these questions so many times to the point where I would just go on autopilot and use the same response over and over again:’yes, I like school’ and ‘my favorite subject is English.’ My ability to express myself freely and wholeheartedly was slowly fading away.
Before starting my self-improvement journey, I really struggled to speak up with authoritative figures around. Instead of relating to them from an adult stand, I was still feeling like that child who wasn’t supposed to express herself when surrounded by grown-ups.
Another thing I struggled with was people-pleasing. I thought that if I dimmed myself and appeased others that again resembled certain figures from my childhood, I would get all that unconditional acceptance I lacked back then.
That backfired though and not only I didn’t get what my inner child craved for, but I had many inauthentic relationships with people who were constantly taking advantage of my kindness and availability. Because setting boundaries is also something I have only learned to do in the past few years.
Triggers rooted in childhood are best reflected in our relationships, especially in our intimate ones.
Our wounded inner child can also make us look for relationships that, despite being unfulfilling, resemble somewhat our childhood relationship pattern with our parents or caregivers.
Has it ever happened to you to pick a fight with your partner for trivial matters when the reason was actually much deeper?
For instance, you felt overlooked as a child and after a long workday where you felt your merits were not acknowledged, you go to your partner for validation. But as it happens, they are unavailable at that time for you.
That triggers your childhood wounds of not being acknowledged and validated and inadvertently, you start picking a fight about them always being too busy for you.
Repressing your inner child not only doesn’t work because it is a part of you, but because it also deprives you of fulfilling your true potential and being your true self.
Authentic adulthood requires both accepting the painful past and the primary responsibility for taking care of that inner child’s needs, for being a “good enough” parent to him or her now — and in the future.
As Kim Egel, a therapist in Cardiff, California, points out:
“Anyone can get in touch with their inner child — if they’re open to exploring this relationship.”
Here are 7 ways you can heal and soothe your inner child:
1. Acknowledge and validate your inner child
“Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your perceptions need you, your feeling needs you. The wounded child in you needs you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
The process of acknowledging your inner child mostly involves recognizing and accepting things that caused you pain in childhood. Bringing these hurts out to the surface can help you begin to understand their impact.
Whilst doing this inner process you might feel anger, resentment, vulnerability, sadness. It’s important to understand where these feelings come from, that is to try to connect them to a particular event in your childhood. Validate those emotions.
You will most likely not be able to recall many things, but certain events full of emotional charge might still be somewhere in your subconscious.
Have a conversation with your child self. Show him compassion and understanding.
2. Do things that brought you joy as a child
“Being in touch with the joys of childhood can be an excellent way of dealing with challenging times.”
~ Dr. Diana Raab
What were the things you enjoyed doing the most as a child? Those activities that made you forget the time going by and allowed you to be in the moment?Those activities where you felt creative, carefree, and beyond joyous?
Was it writing? Painting? Dancing?
Bring them back into your life, incorporate them into your daily or weekly routine. This is a wonderful way to heal your inner child by giving him the chance to fully and creatively express himself.
3. Use a weighted blanket
“The concept of a weighted blanket is very much based in deep pressure helping to calm that arousal level in the system and to help with self-regulation.”
— May Benson
A weighted blanket can help you relieve anxiety and increase relaxation. It gives you the feeling of being back in the mother’s womb- before entering the world, you are held tight inside the womb where you are shielded from sensory perceptions from most of the new world you enter.
A weighted blanket can feel like a comforting hug that can help soothe your inner child.
4. Take a warm bath
“I love the magic of a hot bath, how time pauses and every grievance melts away. “
~ Richelle E. Goodrich
A warm bath can prompt a feeling of deep relaxation. When your skin is exposed to warm water, it releases endorphins similar to that experienced after a workout.
Soaking your body in warm water can be extremely soothing and relaxing.
5. Spend time with your pet
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
~Colette
When you pet your fur baby, your body releases certain endorphins that allow you to feel calmer and at ease. This helps to alleviate pain, improve the overall psychological state, and reduce stress.
It’s a fun quality time you can spend with your beloved pet which allows you to explore more of your nurturing and caring side.
6. Meditate
“Meditation is a really wonderful way to work towards letting go of pain while inviting peace into your life in its place.”
Meditation can bring about a true personal transformation. As you learn more about yourself, you’ll naturally start discovering more about yourself.
It is a great tool to help you reconnect with your inner child.
7. Practice yin yoga
“Deliberately release tension breath by breath as you remain still. And as you assume these yin postures, you create new space in that cellular tissue. In fear’s place, you can restore appreciation.”
~ Kym Coco
Yin Yoga is highly influenced by the philosophies of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), which say that the body contains meridians–invisible energy highways that carry Qi (energy).
Yin Yoga creates the space to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and the longer holds work to unwind the body’s deeper layers of fascia. As we work with these layers, we create the conditions to release deeply held tension stored in your muscles, especially in your psoas muscle.
Within the Taoist tradition, the psoas is spoken of as the seat or muscle of the soul. This muscle holds a lot of tension and emotions such as anger, resentment, sadness, frustration. By releasing the tension in our body, we create more space for new wonderful things to come in.
Takeaways
- We all have an inner child.
- Most of us get disconnected from our inner child due to our exuberance being stepped on and lack of emotional and physical availability from our parents or caregivers.
- A wounded inner child can take the reins of our lives and make us react and get triggered by unhealed aspects of our childhood.
- Knowing we are the ones holding the ammunition can be extremely powerful and liberating since it makes us more aware of our triggers and the way we react to outside circumstances.
- Research has shown that the body holds both emotional and physical pain, and even if we try to ignore that pain and forge ahead with our lives, chances are that it will always be there.
- The first step in healing our inner child is acknowledging he exists and validating his feelings.
- We can soothe our inner child through:
◘ Doing activities we enjoyed as children
◘ Using a weighted blanket
◘ Taking a warm bath
◘ Spending time with your pet
◘ Meditation
◘ Yin yoga
Reuniting with your inner child it’s beyond joyous. You feel whole again.
You get to be your true authentic self and enjoy life more from a healed and soothed place.
“It doesn’t matter how old you are, there is a little child within who needs love and acceptance.”
~ Louise Hay
Offer the child within you your love and acceptance.
You are worthy of it.
I would love to know: is your inner child reaching out to you? Are you meeting him halfway?
How do you soothe your inner child?
Thank you very much for reading!
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