Medicating my Adult ADHD Brain
My journey with stimulant medications, and how I’m doing now.
Before I begin, let me establish that my life has dramatically improved since I started taking stimulant medications. I currently take 72mg of Concerta and 300mg of Wellbutrin daily. First, I’ll write a summary of my experience so far, and then I’ll include a pros and cons list for a slightly quicker read.
The effects for me are subtle, and I don’t consciously notice when the medicine “wears off,” but the differences in my habits/behaviors are noticeable, even to others.
When I decide to take a “drug holiday” or engage in late evening/nighttime activities, there are salient changes that take place. I fidget or start humming randomly, which I don’t even notice until someone tells me to stop because it’s getting on their nerves. My days turn into chaos, with a whirlwind of tasks/responsibilities seemingly starting to pop up out of nowhere. My emotions become harder to control, and I experience mood swings out of frustration when I’m engaged in tedious activities.
There was a period in time when I was only taking Concerta, and that was when I noticed all the changes and benefits to my life. Due to comorbid conditions, I’ve also been on other medications such as SSRIs (antidepressants), but it really didn’t do anything for me.
My first psychiatrist decided to put me on non-stimulants to begin with because of their “personal preference” and that wreaked havoc on my life by completing draining my wallet and my time. I was put on Strattera (Atomoxetine) for some weeks, and then Qelbree (Viloxazine), which are the only two non-stimulant medications approved for treatment of adult ADHD.
Both options were extremely expensive because my insurance didn’t cover them. Both were also completely ineffective for me, and I deeply regret not asking for stimulant medications sooner.
I switched to a new psychiatrist at my college counseling center because I couldn’t afford to keeping seeing the original one.
That positively changed the course of my life.
I was on the verge of having to drop out of my dream school, and I had lost my financial aid privileges due to very poor academic performance. I felt like a total failure, and in many ways, I really was one. Here I was in a program that I absolutely loved, studying my passion, and I still couldn’t just buckle down and submit my work on time or show up to class. I struggled greatly with impostor syndrome because I didn’t feel capable of ever becoming a normally functioning student.
I started taking Concerta in the summer following my first year of grad school. I immediately noticed positive effects when I stopped making mistakes at my summer job. I was filling out paperwork correctly, accurately inputting data into Excel sheets, putting everything back in the right places, and efficiently prioritizing my tasks. I was effortlessly able to keep track of my belongings, especially my phone, and I stopped losing items within closed, predictable settings like my own backpack…
It felt like I didn’t have to have two active brains anymore. I didn’t have to have one running on the surface, and one running in the background to constantly check over and over again if I’d forgotten or lost something. It was teeth grinding madness because even double-checking things didn’t help when I was unmedicated. I would still end up making endless mistakes and overlooking the most obvious details. But on Concerta? I didn’t have to worry about all of that. Reality felt solid both internally and externally, meaning that my internal thoughts and actions could now meet the dynamic demands of the external world.
Circling back to the topic of my current medications, I do take Wellbutrin in addition to Concerta for comorbid Major Depressive Disorder. Wellbutrin is also used “off-label” (i.e. “unofficially”) to treat ADHD, but I’ve been on it before stimulants and it did not improve my core symptoms at all.
And without further ado, here’s the list of pros and cons in case you’re tired of reading all of that full-sentence nonsense. These are just based off my personal experience, so I advise you to take it with a grain of salt!
**Please note: This will be based on my experience with Concerta only because no other medication had an effect on my ADHD symptoms. Also, I have not tried other stimulants. Concerta is designed to last the whole day (8–10 hours).
Pros
- Immediate effectiveness — can start working the first day you take it
- I feel way calmer and have a higher patience threshold
- Less impulsive, can put more consideration into decision-making
- Planning and prioritization feels almost effortless
- I don’t lose my belongings anymore!!
- More in control of my emotions, can take time to process them
- No withdrawal effects, other than the return of my ADHD symptoms
- Same medication for a year at the same dose, still no signs of tolerance
- Affordable (I use GoodRx at local pharmacy = ~$40 per 1-month supply)
Cons
- Increased heartrate and blood pressure
- Increased anxiety
- Decreased appetite, can result in mild to severe weight loss
- Can possibly feel like it “flattens” emotions/reduces creativity
- Potentially addictive if not used as directed
- U.S. shortage of stimulant meds can mean inconsistent access
Anyways, I think that more or less covers the basics of how my experience with ADHD medications has been overall. Different stimulants can work very differently from person to person, so it sometimes takes some trial-and-error to find the right medication for you. There’s no shame in opting out of medication use, either though.
In the end, you know your body and mind better than anyone else, including doctors at times. Be sure to hear them out on any medical advice, but always feel confident in making the right choice for you based on your own experience and proper research!
