Who Am I And What Am I Doing Here?
Two questions I am trying to answer as best as I can. And an introduction.
So, I got the idea to start a blog about a year ago and I’ve had lots of drafts piling up in three different folders titled “Blog.”
The thing is when I get an idea for a 500-word post, it ends up becoming a 5-page rant about — something other than what I intended to talk about. It’s kind of hard for me to get from point A to B without taking a detour through the rest of the alphabet. Sometimes, I don’t even get to B, but I end up somewhere better.
But, I figured I should just start and see where I end up.
The other thing is that when I encounter something that sparks my interest, my instinct is to learn about it as much as possible, filter it through my own experience, and then tell everyone about it.
So, hello! Everyone.
My name is Noemi. I am not a psychologist. I am a writer and theatre practitioner. And though I intend to pursue a formal degree in psychology at some point, for now, I am an avid learner and enthusiast.
A couple of years ago, I fell down the rabbit hole of personality psychology, which lead me through wonderland after wonderland of ideas about myself and other people that I have been exploring ever since.
I have always been interested in people and how we interrelate. But for the most part, I channeled that interest into the realm of fiction. Specifically, theatre.
When you write, direct or act in a play, you spend a lot of time trying to understand a character’s inner world — their needs, desires, and triggers. You break down their motivations throughout the story. You try to make sense of their objectives, super-objectives, and counter-objectives.
Then, you look at how they relate to other characters, how they influence them, how they’re influenced by them, how their words align (or misalign) with their actions. You get to know them really well. And you also see how they get in their own way.
Theatre is a wonderful tool for empathy, but once the curtain comes down, we find ourselves acting out far less interesting and infinitely more frustrating dramas in our own lives. And we don’t hold as much space for the real people we encounter as the ones on the page.
This, of course, is not limited to theatre practitioners. Everybody does this to a certain extent.
We assume other people function like us. That they (should) have the same needs, mindsets and values. If they don’t, we think they’re wrong, backwards, close-minded or bad. Or we think that there is something wrong with us. That we’re disconnected, unseen, unheard, misunderstood, unworthy.
We deal with guilt, shame, anger, and anxiety. We blame other people, social media, the zeitgeist, the system, the language, the government, or the universe for being “meaningless.”
Despite the constant problems with all the things in the outer world, I think one of our biggest problems is that we lack a fundamental awareness of ourselves, our psyche, and how our mind is wired. And that is not our fault.
We are complex and dynamic. I almost want to say magical, but we’re not magical. We’re real. We have these mesmerizing brains that are capable of more than we know what to do with.
And from those brains, somehow this unbelievable thing called consciousness — something that even the most brilliant among us can’t fully explain — emerged, and man does it get in our way!
We are either detached from our emotions or completely governed by them. We either lack boundaries or put up way too many. We feel helpless, insecure, and out of control. Or we feel fine, but kind of frustrated. Unfulfilled, unsatisfied, stuck.
We feel like we don’t have time, we’re constantly tired, we’re missing out, and so on and so forth.
I certainly do.
We’re not that different from the characters in a play. Our brain wrote this weird little script it expects us to follow. And for the most part, we do — even if we’re just kind of stumbling through it.
Now, that script is not set in stone. There are lots of effective tools we can use to make sense of it — and even revise it if we want. The brain is a fussy author, though, so it does take work to change its mind.
What I love about psychology is that it is at the crossroads of science, art and philosophy. Advancements in neuroscience, medicine, and technology are bringing us closer to understanding ourselves and how we operate. But for now, a lot of psychology — especially personality psychology — is pure speculation. A good part of it is true enough. But so much remains to be discovered, refined and understood.
I find that incredibly exciting. And I am obsessed with different models, theories, typologies and frameworks that look at personality, behaviour, and interpersonal dynamics. I find them absolutely fascinating and really want to share them with you.
A lot of these theories are not scientific — meaning they can’t be objectively calculated, measured and verified, but you have to remember that they are attempting to explain something as capricious and multifaceted as the human psyche.
It is very hard to calculate and quantify intangibles like identity, imagination, experience, consciousness, and the unconscious.
But just because we haven’t developed the tools to accurately measure something yet, doesn’t mean that we can’t wonder, observe and speculate, then put those ideas into a framework.
The models and theories that I am going to explore with you are essentially rough maps intended to help you navigate the tangled terrain that is your mind. And though they are not perfectly scientific, they are true enough to be useful.
Many of them are, in fact, supported by modern neuroscience. Others are supported by the patterns and themes that have taken shape in literature, art, and mythology throughout the ages. I believe that both elements are equally important simply because we are not robots.
And honestly, a lot of what I share with you is something you can observe in yourself and others. Most of these frameworks shine a light on things we already know but didn’t have the words for.
Over the past couple of years, I have gathered a lot of interesting information that I have been applying to my own life. I have also talked about it with lots of other people to see how their experiences line up with the theories.
I am learning a lot about myself and the people around me. What started out as a fun little hobby, developed into a powerful tool I could use to build an actual relationship with myself and strengthen the ones with other people.
I am not an expert. I am very much still a student. But I’m also at a point where I want to make you a part of the process because I think these ideas are necessary.
Although I love the theoretical components, I personally like to approach them with a growth mindset because that’s what they’re meant for.
I believe that trying to show up in the world with curiosity, self-awareness, authenticity and compassion is one of the most important things we can do. It also one of the hardest and most rewarding. Because then we can extend that courtesy to others.
Learning how we function compared to other people — just how astoundingly different people can be — and holding space for that can save us a lot of resentment, misunderstanding, and miscommunication.
Seeing as how these three cause a lot of unnecessary conflict and drama both in fiction and real life, it probably wouldn’t hurt to develop our capacities for deeper interpersonal understanding and more effective communication.
So, if this is something you are interested in I would love for you to join me here. I hope to become a valuable resource for you to explore ideas through people and people through ideas.
I will be sharing some of my favourite theories, models, and frameworks, along with my thoughts and experiences with them. And if you want to learn more about it for yourself, I will be happy to recommend some sources.
That is all I have for today. I don’t think I veered too far off-topic and that I landed somewhere near B. If you have read this far, thank you for your time and attention. I’m looking forward to engaging with you.
I’m not really sure how to end a blog post, though, so I’m going to go with — bye!
Hi, I’m Noemi, a certified relationship coach. I help you understand your patterns and cultivate self-love, confidence, and compassion to create the deep, fulfilling conscious relationships your heart desires.
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