Stories from the Kitchen
Who Is Right And Wrong? Listen To What You And The Others Think
# 01 — We are all wrong from the start. How about that?
I say that the glass in the photo is half-filled with water. Someone else will say I am wrong because it is half empty. Another person will say it is not a glass half-filled or half empty, but it is a glass that holds water for us to drink.
Who is right? Who is wrong?
There is a reason why I am writing this at 0724 am on Sunday after I updated my writings on Simily at 0125 am. I am unable to sleep in anger because of my mom.
My family environment is toxic. Some people recognize the narcissistic level and negative energy I deal with daily. The vital matter is when you cannot see a person change for the better, you will need to play a high level of mindfulness and awareness.
You have to be quick and witty to differentiate between right and wrong. The glass is a good example.
So, now, please tell me. Who is right, and who is wrong?
If I say that the glass is half-filled, it is true, but I am also wrong. Because when I look at it from another person’s perspective saying the cup is half empty, he is also correct. At the same time, he is wrong. Another different person is also right to say it is a glass that holds water, and it does not matter whether half-filled or half-empty. The cup store the water for us to drink.
In Yemen, one of the scholars always apologized to me. He did not make sorry as a plain word from his mouth, unlike most of us today who take the word sorry as a manipulative game. He said it with a sense of fear in God’s wrath.
“O Nor! Forgive me. I made a mistake. You also make mistakes in life. Every one of us makes mistakes in life.” — Habib Abdurrahman Bin Taha Al Habsyi
When we dare to say that we are perfect, never without a mistake, we have forgotten that the 1st human was sent down to Earth (Adam and Eve) because of a mistake.
Then, who are we to say we are right, or we have never done wrong?
The different perspectives and opinions from people cause a lot of frictions in life.
Nobody is wrong. Everyone is right in their way of looking at situations. At the same time, nobody is right. Everyone is wrong because placing ourselves in every shoe will make us see that our verdicts are not 100% correct. Do you get it?
It is what a person with a narcissistic personality will not accept.
Living with a person who has been keeping grudges despite coming to 68 years old can be very tiring. It makes me feel spiritually tired. And I know that she wants an upper control of everyone’s mind to follow her wants or ways, and always agree with her.
I recalled a verse I read lately.
When we hold onto grudges and resentment, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick — Angela Buttimer
We are all limited in knowledge even if we have a University scroll in our hands. We think we are right. We also want others to put themselves in our shoes. And even if we do put ourselves into other people’s shoes, we still want to be right no matter what. Everyone wants to protect their image and brand name among the people.
Here is a story shared to me from the Sufi circles, you will not want to miss reading it.
One day, a couple sought advice from the spiritual teacher and guide. They had underlying issues and misunderstandings as husband and wife. The man told the teacher, “Hodja, my wife did this, this, this, this…”
After listening to him, Hodja said the man was right. The married woman was dissatisfied and defended herself. She said, “But, Hodja! My husband did this, this, this, this ….”
After listening to her, Hodja said the woman was right. Hodja’s wife was around together, and she was startled. If both of them were right, then who was wrong?!
“Hodja, how could you say that? You said both of them were right. Then who is wrong?..” asked Hodja’s wife.
Hodja listened to his wife and nodded. He said, “Well, you are right, too.”
He smiled and calmly said (as I paraphrased):
“You want to know something? Everyone complains because they want to be the right ones. Nobody wants to be wrong. Nobody wants to admit they are wrong. Nobody sees themselves as wrong. Do you know why that is so? It is the ego. The pride.”
The idea of the half-filled and half-empty glass theory is telling us that life is a mess with the opinions of everyone who always want to see others as wrong. We are all wrong. So, when someone complains to you about someone else, remember the one who complains is also wrong.
I recommend you to read Patricia Haddock article about grudges, resentment and revenge. Thank you, Patricia. I am looking for ways to heal my mind.
If I can tell my ancestors 1-wish I want from them, it will be to stop living life with hatred, grudges, and revenge from 1-generation to another. There is no joy in it.
