Clever Behaviorist Self-Care
The stressors of the last year+ of COVID-19 led me to identify some really key self-care strategies. I apparently do better — am calmer, less irritable, more patient, and better able to focus — when I do two things everyday: some kind of mindfulness meditation (preferably compassion meditation) and go for a long-ish walk (preferably 30–45 minutes).
How do I know these are key? Because when I (inevitably) let them go, I feel it. I hear the decreased patience with my children in my voice, and I notice myself sitting at my computer switching back and forth between tasks and not really finishing much of anything. Oh, and I worry more and sleep less well. Does that prove it, definitively? No. It’s not a randomized controlled trial. But it’s compelling enough that I have kept these habits up, every day, over the last 14 months.
Ha ha ha, no I haven’t. As I mentioned, I keep lapsing, with one or the other or both. Exercise, especially, is one of those things.
As I used to say to my health psych students, if we had a pill that had all the benefits that exercise had, people would be rushing to the pharmacy. But exercise itself is a little harder to sell, from a public health perspective, and harder to maintain, as a habit.
But still! I can go for a walk in my neighborhood, and that’s been available to me pretty much every day since March 2020, even when we were more or less on lock-down (I keep thinking about how lucky we are, compared to say, Anne Frank, who couldn’t so much as open her shades, much less go outside). The only time the weather really kept me inside was last August, when it was too freaking hot and humid. Oh, and maybe a week in winter when the sidewalks were sheets of ice. But other than that? I can mostly go for walks. And yet, so many days, things get in the way.
First I started a new job and wasn’t sure how much I was expected to be in front of my laptop whenever someone emailed me. Turns out: no one is really looking over my shoulder. Even at in-person jobs, people take smoke-breaks, right? So shouldn’t I be able to take walk-breaks? Maybe not the 30–45 minute kind, but perhaps 2 15–20 minute breaks, or 3 10–15 minute breaks? I really do believe (and I think the research supports this) that I’m more productive afterwards, so I can’t feel too guilty about the time away from my screen.
And, as it happens, my husband was in the hospital when I started my new job, and I was trying to be home when my kids were in virtual school, in case, you know, the WiFi disconnected or something, so I wasn’t going for my solitary walks. I did try to go for walks with each kid during their lunch break, though, which was helpful in other ways.
But since then? Well, my step-count this May is pathetic. Under 5000. Despite walking to the fields several times a week for kid-baseball games (during which I… sit).
And the meditation? Oy. At the start of the pandemic I did these Zoom compassion meditations with folks in the U.S. & Italy (and other countries) as many days as I could and became convinced it was keeping me afloat. Then in the fall I did a Cultivating Compassion class in the fall, where my homework was to meditate every day, so I did it, model student that I am. But when that ended, I felt like there were a few too many things I wanted to do first thing in the morning. I’m supposed to do knee stretches. I write best in the morning. Walking works well in the morning. Eating breakfast with my children is sometimes desirable. Sunrise yoga rocks.
I basically ditched writing in the mornings (there haven’t been many of these posts, recently, have there?). I do let myself off the hook for both knee-stretches and meditation when I do sunrise yoga, as it seems not a bad replacement for both, but I confess I am not as mindful as I could be, during those classes, lovely as they are. I even double-dip on the stretching and meditation on other mornings, listening to a meditation exercise while I hold one of my stretches for the prescribed 8 minutes. I’m know this is not ideal, but some compromises seem necessary.
But the other days? Oh, the excuses are many (and, tbh, somewhat valid). I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m going to sleep a few more minutes this morning (that might not be at the top of the “valid” list). My kids keep interrupting me. One morning last week, I was dutifully stretching my knee while meditating when my husband informed me he had made me an omelette! Who’s going to turn that down or let it get cold?! So I did a minute and a half of the aforementioned activities, instead of 8 minutes. Not a very effective dose, I don’t think.
And so, I have once again pressed the “reset” button. I meditated for 8 minutes while stretching my knee and then finished the meditation sitting on my bed, and I have 3,443 steps so far today — walking felt good, despite the heat, humidity, and cicadas. We’ll see how the rest of the day goes.
