How I Wasted My Twenties
Or Maybe Not
How many times have you heard someone say something along the lines of “Time goes by fast. Enjoy this moment.”
Probably a lot.
Just a few years ago, I was struggling through my twenties. I was one of those “lost” people. Who had no idea what to do. I was the perpetual lost puppy. I was interested in a lot of different topics yet nothing really seemed to hit firmly. Nothing seemed to say: “stick with this one thing because it will lead you to your purpose.”
Truth be told. I am still searching for my purpose.
Being one of those lost and confused twenty somethings has lead me to this very place writing this post. Maybe sharing this is my purpose.
Time will only tell.
I always say my twenties is one decade I never want to go back to. I wasted a lot of time and made a lot of mistakes. I missed out on a lot of great opportunities. I pulled myself through a lot of mental health struggles and crisis.
I did miss out on a lot of great adventures because of fear. Mostly the fear of being told no stopped me. Yet I survived everything I did do. Those are some of my best adventures.
I listened to Mel Robbins podcast episode “If You’re Feeling Behind in Life, Listen to This” yesterday while doing yard work. Her key message of you don’t have to have it all figured out and you don’t have to have everything society expects you to have. Do something and follow your own journey.
The message throughout the whole episode hit me hard. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Our societal life-milestones are based on our grandparents or great-grandparents generation. A lot has changed in the decades since then. Just because those people in your age group seem to have it all and have everything figured out doesn’t mean you're behind.
7 Things I Regret From My Twenties.
1 — Keeping everyone else happy.
I spent years believing that if I kept everyone else happy then I could be happy. The truth is that doesn’t work. Only you can make you happy. Stop searching for it in everyone else.
It is okay to disappoint people important to you. Especially if you did what is right for you. If you know going the other side of the country for university is right for you. Go. Even if it will upset important people in your life.
I put myself last and made my value less than them by putting everyone one else first. Rarely did I do something for me.
2 — Not filling out the application.
That application. I downloaded it. Never did anything. If I had of it could have been the key to the door I was searching for.
Why did I not fill it out? I was busy trying to keep everyone else happy. I convinced myself that staying here was the best thing to do. When in reality they — the same people I was afraid would say you’ll fail — would have been encouraging for me to go for it.
The only reason I was holding myself back was the lies I was telling myself.
3 — Not fighting harder for what I wanted.
In my undergraduate degree I wanted to take a business course or two for a couple of my electives. The answer was no. But I know that if I had of taken those courses it would have opened up a new realm of possibilities for me.
If you know that something is going to be a benefit to you. Fight for it.
4 — Not finding one dream to chase.
I did have a dream to chase. The same dream society expects of me. Get a good education. Get a good job. Buy the house. Raise the family. Fortunately (or unfortunately) that path didn’t happen in my 20s. Maybe it will happen in this decade. It’s not my primary focus at all.
In my twenties, I never found a passion that I would chase and work on at all costs. I had friends who knew exactly what they wanted. And they got it because that was their sole focus.
Today, I am chasing a dream. A dream that sounds so out of reach that it is fueling everything I do in my time. So buy the end of my 30’s I can say I achieved it. Everything I am doing now is feeding back into it.
And here’s the best part. I am okay if it never happens. Because as I work towards it new doors will open that I never considered and it will put me on the path to greater financial stability (and freedom). More importantly I will be living a life I am proud of.
5 — Took everything personally
In my twenties, I took everything personally. My fault my dog ate another shoe. My fault something went wrong. My fault someone else was stressed. And many more. None of those situations are my fault. I may have been involved but I did not encourage that bad event to happen.
I took it personally because I wanted to be the reliable person. I was looking for my happiness and purpose by being a people pleaser.
Save yourself time and energy. Please recognize your worth and purpose is not found in keeping everyone else happy and never chasing your interests and passions.
6 — Not Going Out
I was a broke twenty-something. I went to work then came home on repeat. I never went out for a drink on a nice summer evening after work. I never found an activity I could do one or two nights a week. I went home. I regret that.
But in all of the other years I didn’t go. I could try to blame it on never being invited out. Friendships from university slowly faded away as we all moved in different directions. I can’t blame it on others because I could of gone on my own. I said no to the opportunity to meet new people and learn new skills.
The truth I think is not so much having the courage to do it. I didn’t go because logical me who has to justify everything took over. Me who was afraid of the unknown took over. Logical-broke me said I couldn’t afford to.
But what did that cost me? Did that cost me relationships that could have turned into mentors? Did that cost me knowing people who could have given me a job where I with opportunities to earn a better income or encouragement to go in a new direction? Did that cost me meeting my future spouse sooner?
I will never know how much not being willing to spend some money on going out or committing to an activity cost me. I know I lost out.
7 — Not admitting I’m overwhelmed.
There were times when I was overwhelmed. I had so much assigned to me at work that I was struggling to keep up. I never wanted anyone to think that I was not capable of something because I don’t want to know I am valuable. I didn’t want to feel like I was a disturbing someone.
Instead of asking for help I did the best I could. When I finally admitted I was overwhelmed. I didn’t lose any value. Instead I gained more value because I was given the opportunity to slow down and learn. The people I asked help from slowed down and worked through everything with me. Some duties where passed on to others. Other duties I learned better ways of doing them so I could get them done faster.
I still am struggling to ask for help. It’s from years of both not wanting to be a disturbance and not wanting to look like I’m incapable. It’s not true. Everytime I do ask for help I gain abilities, confidence and speed.
Ask for help. It is a benefit to you and those you ask for help from.
My Twenties Shaped Me Into Who I Am Today
I struggled a lot in my twenties. The biggest cause of my struggles is I had no deadlines after I finished university. I had no deadlines for goals, or milestones for dreams. I had no mentors who could suggest I look into something and inspire me to become better.
I had no dream for me. So I had nothing to work towards. Instead of dreaming, I sat around hoping that the job, relationship, house, and other life goals would just show up on their own. Nope.
No one is going to come help you unless you do something. No one can achieve your dreams but you. You have to take the first step.
Eventually people will show up for you exactly when you need them.
What happened in my twenties that has shaped who I am today.
Everything I regret from my twenties are not exactly a bad things. They are the lessons that I have recognized so I know what I must work on to become successful. So I can achieve my dreams. So I can turn my life into something I am proud of everyday and will live to inspire others.
I need deadlines.
I need goals.
I need to share what I am doing.
I need to fight for what I want.
I need to stop keeping everyone happy.
I need to focus on what makes me happy and will move me forward.
I might of wasted some of my twenties. I don’t think I wasted all of them. The lessons I learned built the foundation I am building on.
By the way, even though I qualify for payments on my stories I have decided to stop. I want to help those who are like me. Who are on the starting line and need someone to show them it is possible. I want them to have access to stories that can inspire them to keep going. If you are able and wish to support me, you can do so through buymeacoffee.com/cliffviewlife. Thank you. (Yes, I drink coffee!)
