Maybe I am a Failure
Just maybe I have to admit that to move on.
So this is hard.
No. This is difficult.
I have to face my current situation with brutal honesty so I can move forward.
Just like broke people have to admit they are broke. I have to admit I give up too soon on my ideas. I let others steer me away from my dreams instead of encouraging me to keep going. I have to admit I am a failure.
“Failure” is not a work I like. It is a trigger word for me. When it starts going through my mind I start down a rabbit hole of negative thoughts and discouragement.
I am not a complete complete failure. I have a decent job. I have a home and food. Yet I am broke. I go pay cheque to pay cheque. I have no bills I can cut. (I don’t buy coffee or lunch. So please do not tell me I should cut those bills.)
I earned three university degrees in conservation and land management. I was told I would have a job within 6-months yet I don’t work where I can use them.
I have no real relationships. I have always been the friend who made the phone call or sent the message saying we should get together. Never the other way around. Then I let people fall away. Because they’re too busy. I am okay alone yet I feel lonely more and more often.
