To the Graduate Who Didn’t Make It.
Life sucks.
Life is horrible.
This is mean.
This sucks.
LIFE SUCKS.
You were supposed to be on the graduation list this year. You missed it. You feel horrible right now.
You put in the work. You studied and wrote late into more nights than you can count. You completed the caffeine fueled all nighters. You pulled off some of your best work at the last minute. You made your favourite subjects sound interesting to your friends. You sacrificed going out with friends, events, vacations, weekend escapes to do school work.
Then you got the email. You don’t have enough to finish. You don’t have enough to graduate. You are not good enough.
You feel like a failure. You feel like you just wasted 3-, 4- or 5-years. You feel defeated. You keep repeating in your mind silently the things that you did wrong that lead you to that letter.
The excited and enthusiastic person you were a few years ago when you started this university journey seems like a whisper in the wind. A distant and fading memory.
You’re frustrated right now. You don’t want to do the work. Your mind is constantly ruminating on the bad news will not let you focus.
Maybe, you now have call or email the employer who promised you a job if you finished. That job you’ve been excited about since you got the offer. You’ve dreaming of. You’ve been planning for. Now that is (possibly) gone too.
Maybe, now you have to tell your significant you failed. You won’t be able to move to the new city with them.
Maybe, now you have to tell your family.
THIS SUCKS.
What Now?
1 — DO NOT GIVE UP.
Finish the degree. Fight for it. Do it for you. Don’t finish it for your family. Finish the degree solely for you.
You’re so close to the finish line. You can cross it. Take it at the Pace Of One. Do one step, one page, one paper and one test at a time. That is all you have to do.
If you walk away now you will regret not finishing it. Even if you never use your degree. You’ll regret not finishing.
This moment currently sucks. This moment right now is defeating. Yet this is only a moment. In a few years it will feel like a blip, a blink, a grain of sand in time.
If you give up you’ll regret it. This is just one blip of time in your life. You’ll wish you had of done that intersession, summer session, another year, whatever it could of taken to finish.
Focus on what you can control at this very moment.
You have permission to have the melt down. You do not have permission to stay down. Stop focusing on what went wrong.
Find the best foundation and mascara possible to cover up the distress in your face. So you can face the few who know and the many who will never know with confidence.
We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes — understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.
~ Arianna Huffington
2 — THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR MORE.
Meltdown time is over. Now you need to take the time to write out what you need to do and what unique opportunities this failure just gave you.
Yes. This your unique opportunity for more. No not just more tuition and more school work but more time to gain skills. Use this time to your advantage.
Right now you are constantly ruminating over that line in your mind that says you failed. Step back from that line to look at the tree it is nailed to. Step back again two or three steps and you’ll see the whole tree and many more around it. Step back again you won’t instantly see that letter but the many opportunities this moment is giving you.
Don’t give up and set for a finite amount of knowledge. Give yourself permission to treat this rejection as a opportunity to gain more skills.
Figure out what exactly you must do to graduate at the next chance.
Do you need more elective hours? BONUS! Go deeper on a language to make yourself more employable. Go deeper into a skill that is widely used the industry you are aiming for. (Hint: that skill is the love-hate relationship you have with a AutoCAD, ESRI ArcGIS, Excel, statistics, coding programs, or that-program-you-are-thinking-of.) If you use your electives wisely you can make yourself more valuable to employers.
Did you miss or need to redo a core course? When can you do it? Is it only offered in winter term or multiple times a year? If the wait is too long, would your school allow you to take it at another school or online instead?
Can you do an independent study that to gain the hours you are missing? Or can you use it as credit towards that core course you need that is only offered once a year?
Ask questions. Create a plan that works. Focus on what you can control.
Focus on what you can control at this moment. Go deeper into more of the skills that will build you up further. The skills that if you had of graduated you wouldn’t be making stronger.
Do not allow yourself to give up on your dream. Do not let you 4-years ago down.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
4 — DO IT WITH HONOUR AND PRIDE
For some missing the graduation list means they will lose out on work opportunities. For others it will mean the end of a relationship you thought would last a lifetime. Not qualifying for graduation could mean one of those or something else for you.
What not graduating does not mean is that you not capable. You are capable. You got this far so keep going.
Stand back up with honour and pride. Stand up and fight. For you are worth it.
How many movies have you ever watched about some guy who failed and gave up? NONE. How many movies have you seen about some guy who stood back up and succeeded over all the odds against him. A LOT!
This failure is a story. It is your story. You get to choose how this story ends.
Go back and finish your degree with honour and pride. Put everything you have into those last papers and exams of this degree. Show them what you are capable of. Take this opportunity to ignite your effort.
If you give up, you will not have a story to tell.
Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.
~ JK Rowling
The Choice is Yours
You are not the first and not the last who will ever be in this situation. You, just as every other person (some of who will surprise you), have to make a choice. You can either stand back up and finish or walk away with regret for the rest of your life.
I hope you chose to stand back up and fight.
Take the time to figure out what you need to do. Is it an elective? Is is a core course with flexible or fixed options for taking? Can you do an independent study?
Focus on what you can control at this very moment. Have the melt down. Find the best foundation and mascara possible to cover up the distress in your face. So you can face the few who know and the many who never will know what happened with confidence.
Lean on your people. If you need to, find someone who will routinely check in with you to make sure you are on track. All you have to do is awkwardly ask the question.
One last argument for you to consider:
Those who fight through adversary have a story to tell. Those who give up don’t.
I hope you stand back up and finish. So someday you can be the influence someone else needs.
Life sucks. That is a fact. What are also facts: You are a capable. You are loved. You are amazing. You are going to finish that degree.
I hope you choose to stand back up and fight. You are worth it. You will gain a story to tell. You will become an inspiration for those beside you, behind you and ahead of you. Finish for freshman you. Remember the excited nerves you had on that day. Finish for you.
I hope you choose to stand back up and fight.
You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.
In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.
~Maya Angelou
By the way, even though I qualify for payments on my stories I have decided to stop. I want to help those who are like me. Who are on the starting line and need someone to show them it is possible. I want them to have access to stories that can inspire them to keep going. If you are able and wish to support me, you can do so through buymeacoffee.com/cliffviewlife. Thank you. (Yes, I drink coffee!)
