CLIMATE FUTURE NEWS | SATIRE
It’s 2037 and 1,000 School Strikes in: Greta Thunberg Continues Calls for Climate Action
Famous activist questions whether anyone is really listening
STOCKHOLM — Nov. 13, 2037 — Dr. Greta Thunberg, renowned climate activist, Dean of the Stockholm Graduate School for Global Solutions and UN special delegate for the climate, marked her 1,000th “Fridays for Future” strike today.
Addressing a large gathering, the thirty-four year old activist called on world leaders to take action against the countries and industries still driving emissions to take action.
“It’s not a celebration,” Thunberg told the cheering crowd. “It’s the exact opposite. How many goddamn Fridays do I need to sit outside before we lock up every oil and gas CEO? How many times do all of us need to demand action? It’s depressing, exasperating and, frankly, I’m tired of it.”
Having just returned from COP41 in Singapore where world leaders reiterated their 2050 goals, Thunberg revisited the steps of the Swedish Parliament, standing in front a statue erected to honor her in 2024.
The “blah, blah, blah” continues
“It’s more subtle, it’s washed in green and focused on 2050 goals, but we still hear ‘blah, blah, blah’ from business leaders who profit from carbon-based industries and extreme weather events, along with the politicians they buy,” she said.
Many in the crowd wore a large large green bandaid on their foreheads, evoking Thunberg’s famous 2028 “hitting my head against a brick wall” speech.
Thunberg’s first school strike, on Aug. 20, 2018, started with one 15 year-old sitting in front of the Swedish Parliament with a sign. Her simple statement became a rallying cry, sparking Friday school protests throughout the world and creating a stage for youth from throughout the globe to call out leaders of their parents and grandparents generations. Now in their 30s, members of the “Greta Generation,” as the head of the U.N. labeled them, in developed countries live with a lower carbon footprint than earlier generations, but the rising global middle class has countered any gains they’ve made.
2.0 is the new 1.5
Born when the atmospheric carbon level was 375 parts per million, Thunberg’s activism started when it reached 406 ppm, continued as the global climate passed key thresholds of 420 then 430 ppm and temperatures rose past 1.5 degrees celsius.
“Do you think I like missing out on Friday free lunches at my office? Do you think I like working every Saturday because I’m busy Fridays?” Thunberg said. “I want to do what everyone else does: go to work, come home, and curl up on my sofa, drinking organic wine and watching every oil and gas executive still alive get tried at the International Tribunal for Climate Crimes.”
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