The Woman in the Room
Dear Colleague, Administration, Family Member, Patient, and Social Order,
Because I am a woman, I know you need my role and abilities to fit a preconceived notion. I know it feels right to you if I fall into that constructed comfort zone. I know if I do not fall willingly, you resent that and must force me there. I know that your comments disguised as compliments about my youth, my appearance, my methods of delivery, and my mannerisms are passive-aggressive ways to return me to a mold that has not truly been broken nor has been really cracked yet. I know because many rights and identities were not even granted till 1973.
Not until 1973 did all 50 states allow women to serve on juries.
Not until 1974 could a woman have her own credit card.
Not until 1977 could a woman sue for sexual harassment.
Not until 1987 could a woman keep her job if she was pregnant.
Not until 1993 did all 50 states allow a married woman to refuse sex to her spouse.
I was born in 1976.
It is now 2016 and it has not been all that long for the ideas of limits based on sex to die in your comforts and, thus, actions. It will take generations of women to go ahead and prove the assumptions wrong till you are not so surprised.
Bloomberg published an article by Maria Tadeo on October 26 of this year entitled, “Women Will Have to Wait Another 170 Years to Close Gender Gap,” citing an estimate from the World Economic Forum. The proposed date for “equality” to actualize has moved further into the future with widening disparities. The date proposed is 2186.
That does not surprise me as much as it should. Daily, I hear:
“You are too pretty to be a doctor.”
“You should be at home making babies, not worrying about me.”
“You don’t look like a doctor.”
“When will the doctor be here? Only his assistant came in.”
“You must be the social worker.”
“Nurse, can you tell the doctor that I have a question?”
“Oh, great! They said the dietitian would be here today.”
“You are so pleasant to talk to. I just feel more comfortable hearing it from a man.”
“Let us give this role to a dependable colleague who doesn’t have the duties as much at home.”
“I know you’re busy with being a mom, so I’ll consult your partner since he’s not as wanted at dinner time.”
“Why do you work so hard? Your husband is a doctor.”
“Why doesn’t your husband work more so you can relax at home?”
“So who will do the actual surgery?”
Your comments about my appearance, my youth, my role in providing care as anything other than a dedicated and intelligent doctor are a problem because we all know it took sacrifice, intellect, commitment, and a magnanimous kind of crushing determination to become a doctor, but when you comment otherwise while I am discussing very serious and very complex things you demote me to being incapable, unintelligent, and uncommitted based on my gender. You say under a thin veil, “You can’t be. You aren’t able. It’s not possible.”
I need you to focus. I need you to stop. I need to be able to voice the hardline and push hard on disease and fend off dying without this ridiculous notion clouding and distracting us all. I need you to not see gender so we can make a plan to save your life. I need you to not see gender so I can get the job done. I need you to not see gender so we can win. I have trained relentlessly to give you a formulated and in-depth opinion. If you need a man to make you feel like what I am saying is important or true, then you have a disease far greater than denial and prejudice. You have the disease of justifying suffering, dying, and death because of a mold we should have rid society of the minute it formed.
I need you to stop seeing gender as a way to demote me instantly.
These comments that I must be the dietitian, the social worker, the nurse do not insult those professions. They do, however, misdirect the discussion to reflect on you and scratch desperately at a comfort zone that says as a woman I cannot possibly know anything else that can help you. It says I cannot be the doctor.
Most importantly, the №1 reason we cannot wait “170 years” for a frank discussion about equality in medicine is that the diseases we fight against alongside you do not discern sex. Any delay in treating you against diseases because of a sexist image of doctoring will be a win for the diseases, suffering, and death — and a loss for you.
Equality, in general, would be an outstanding feat that we can jump to exponentially if we reference what sexism does to empower the problems against the defense. We have women leaders and they have information and skills that will help in all arenas to level the playing field against many harms. In medicine, we have women doctors. We have arrived and we are here to serve the greater good of society. We are at your service.
Hello, I’m Dr. X. I will help you understand what is happening and plan ways to solve a problem. It is nice to be able to care for you.
Signed,
A woman in the room who is a doctor
