What I Wish I’d Known Before I was Raised in a Western Society
A love letter to my younger self, and to those who have ever felt a lack of racial identity
The way you look will affect your self-esteem, and then some…
You’re lucky your complexion won’t be much of a bother to you, but you’ll think that there are imperfections elsewhere besides your own face. You won’t feel right in the skin you’re in and, for some reason, it will be in its literal sense. When you step into a group, you’ll feel stuck out somehow. Even when you step into the “right” group, you’ll feel just as ill-fitted as in the group before. I know how you wish to look like “everyone else”. This feeling will suck, and frustrate you. So much so that it will deter your confidence as you try to get on with life. I know that even going for jobs will make you feel like you lack something because you’re of a particular race, or you feel you just serve a specific and limited purpose. It’s difficult to tell you how to deal with it, but I know you will in your own time and on your own terms. Let kindness surprise you, and let it influence you to become a better person. Find people that make you feel at home, rather than just having them as a sense of belonging. You can become different, and that’s a good thing.
You will feel the need to prove yourself, and you’ll make it more difficult than it needs be…
Growing up in an Eastern culture, but within a Western society, will affect you. It might give you various opinions and perspectives. However, these sides will harmonise, or clash. You might disappoint, upset, and confuse people with your decisions, even yourself. Even expressing what you think shouldn’t be much of a big deal in one culture, might not make the other quite as happy, then you’ll overthink too much the next time a similar situation occurs. Or the worst of it, is that your voice won’t be heard at all. And this is why I’ve titled this paragraph “the need to prove yourself”, because a lot of times you might make these kind of mistakes and confuse your journey on becoming the person you want to be. Basically, your confusion on your race may make you paranoid about how others perceive you, as you are unsure as to how you perceive yourself. Maybe to fix this is to prove people wrong, or to set boundaries on yourself to exceed; but it may not be healthy ones. On the other hand, this split aspect will make you adaptable, and make you appreciate, and respect, other cultures and backgrounds. You may be able to connect with others like yourself, and understand people’s dilemmas and achievements in a different depth. You might not know if you should follow one culture or the other, but you’ll appreciate both, and learn how to pick out the good bits and balance them out. In the end, I am hoping that it starts a fresh way of self-acceptance.
You will be shown love, compassion and happiness regardless.
And make sure to reciprocate. No matter how divided you feel, remember that no one culture is superior than the other, and there is no correct way to live your life. There’ll be times when you’ll trust yourself, or doubt yourself. For example, with any type of discrimination, jokingly or seriously, it’s okay to be upset or offended; what’s not okay is not speaking up about it. Or if anyone mistakes you for Chinese or relevant, there’s no shame in correcting and educating them on where you’re from. But you’ll learn more of these things along the way.
Ultimately, your decisions make you.
With thanks to Louise Parker and Toby M-S.
