Donald Trump: The American Shakespeare
Donald Trump: glorious ruler, detector of bullshit and inventor of words. With a background in business, wrestling, and sexual assault, and after a (potentially) brief stint in the Whitehouse, it’s clear that Trump’s future lies in academia. In an interview with Governor Mike Huckabee, Donald, known as ‘the American Shakespeare’ to his friends (Putin), rightly took credit for coining the word ‘fake,’ suggesting that if anybody had used it previously, he’d “never noticed it” (Independent, 2017) [1]. Despite the President being a connoisseur of the English language, Mental Floss suggests that the word was first used over two hundred years ago [2], which would, ironically, make D. T. a liar. Thankfully, preparations have been made for just such an occasion; if a person simply refers to this article as fake news, discrepancies such as the one stated above, cease to be an issue.
The truth is, other than a racial divide, fewer jobs than his predecessor (Forbes, 2019) [3] and a growth in fake tan products, Donald Trump has never created anything in his life. This shortcoming is not one shared by his daughter, however. Speaking to the Economic Club of New York, Donald stated that Ivanka has created fourteen million jobs, in the two-and-a-half years since starting her role as the co-chair of the White House workforce policy advisory board. Incredibly, Trump’s “voluptuous” daughter, with the “best body” (Independent, 2016) [4] has somehow managed to create (roughly) eight million more jobs than the entire U.S. economy (The Guardian, 2019) [5]. Clearly Ivanka is both the brains, and the beauty of the family, and although slightly inappropriate, it’s no wonder that Trump is proud enough of his daughter to say, “If I weren’t happily married and, ya know, her father . . .” (Independent, 2016). Although doting-father-Donald’s boastfulness (bullshit) was on his “hot” daughter’s behalf, some people have suggested that he has a tendency to contribute to the fake news that he so wholeheartedly despises.
Like all great politicians, the President of the United States has a constant, and unfortunate smear campaign against him. Similar to the late, (not so) great Robert Mugabe, tyrannical President of Zimbabwe, who single-handedly ruined his country’s economy, created a permanent racial divide and destroyed Zimbabwe’s health-care system, Trump is unfairly criticised for everything that he does. The fake news media are constantly pushing the idea that he is opposed to telling the truth, with The Guardian even going as far as to call him “one of the most prolific liars in the history of American governance” (2019) [6]. They claim that since the start of Donald’s administration, he has created over ten thousand lies, averaging almost seventeen a day, over the course of six hundred days. Although The Guardian can be complimented on their incredible mathematics skills, it’s unfair of them to target the President, especially when he’s clearly too busy building walls and separating families from one another, to lie seventeen times a day.
Some of Donald Trump’s apparent lies are so believable, that’s it’s often difficult to distinguish between fact and fiction. If the President wasn’t so trustworthy, it would be easy to fall for the agenda that the fake news media are so desperately pushing. Trump, an expert on the matter, has repeatedly told reporters that his father, Fred, was “born in a very wonderful place in Germany.” Despite Donald probably being in attendance at his father’s birth, The Washington Post (and every other news source in the country), still try to discredit him, and argue that Fred Trump was born in New York (2019) [7]. It’s hard to argue with the President on matters of heritage and birth, considering how close he came to proving that Barack Obama was born in Kenya. If the fake news media hadn’t falsified a birth certificate, wrongly stating that Obama was born in Hawaii, Trump could potentially have uncovered one of the biggest scandals America had ever seen.
Whether you like the man or not (and how could you not), it’s impossible to deny that he’s one of the most popular figures to ever step foot into the Whitehouse. Donald Trump, who, “won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally” (@realdonaldtrump, 2016) [8], still has to deal with the corrupt media, who claim that he is, “one of the most unpopular presidents in the modern era” (BBC, 2019) [9]. Somehow, Trump’s approval rating is lower than the President who supposedly planned 9/11, the first black President and the President that cheated on his wife. The only President in recent years that has had a similar approval rating, was Reagan, who most-likely lost popularity votes due to his first name being Ronald, which is an appalling thing to call your child. Trump’s rating is obviously so low because of the way he’s portrayed by the media, and so perhaps it’s time that they start spreading malicious lies about somebody more deserving of their cruelty, like the “drug dealers, criminals [and] rapists” [10] trying to sneak their way across the border.
Unfortunately, fake news is everywhere. It was invented by Donald Trump, it is created by Donald Trump, and it is created about Donald Trump. In a world fraught with lies, only one thing is for certain: Donald Trump, is unquestionably, a dickhead.
References
[1] Salmon, Natasha. Independent (UK) (2017) Donald Trump takes credit for inventing the word ‘fake’. Available at: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-takes-credit-for-inventing-the-word-fake-a7989221.html (Accessed: 13 November 2019).
[2] Jones, Paul Anthony. Mental Floss (2017) ‘Fake’ Etymology: The Story Behind One of the Dictionary’s Most Intriguing Words. Available at: https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/92556/fake-etymology-story-behind-one-dictionarys-most-intriguing-words (Accessed: 13 November 2019).
[3] Jones, Chuck. Forbes (2019) Trump Has Created 1.5 Million Fewer Jobs Than Obama. Available at: https://www.forbes.com/sites/chuckjones/2019/09/20/trump-has-created-15-million-fewer-jobs-than-obama/#6703d41c27ce (Accessed: 14 November 2019).
[4] Withnall, Adam. The Independent (UK) (2016) Donald Trump’s unsettling record of comments about his daughter Ivanka. Available at: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-ivanka-trump-creepiest-most-unsettling-comments-a-roundup-a7353876.html (Accessed: 14 November 2019).
[5] O’Neil, Luke. The Guardian (UK) (2019) Trump claims Ivanka created 14m jobs. The entire economy only added 6m. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/nov/13/trump-claims-ivanka-created-14m-jobs-the-entire-economy-only-added-6m (Accessed: 14 November 2019).
[6] O’Neil, Luke. The Guardian (UK) (2019) Lies, damned lies and Donald Trump: the pick of the president’s untruths. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/apr/29/donald-trump-false-claims-lies-germany-father-abortion-popular-vote- (Accessed: 16 November 2019).
[7] Blake, Aaran. The Washington Post (2019) Trump wrongly claims his dad was born in Germany — for the third time. Available at: https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/04/02/trump-wrongly-claims-his-dad-was-born-germany-third-time/ (Accessed: 16 November 2019).
[8] Trump, Donald (realdonaldtrump). “In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally.” 27 Nov 2016, 20:30p.m. Tweet.
[9] Hills, Mike. BBC [Web] (UK) (2019) Trump tracker: How his first two years have gone — in eight graphics. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38663043 (Accessed: 16 November 2019).
[10] BBC (Editors) (2016) ‘Drug dealers, criminals, rapists’: What Trump thinks of Mexicans. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-us-canada-37230916/drug-dealers-criminals-rapists-what-trump-thinks-of-mexicans (Accessed: 16 November 2019).
