My honest introduction
I am in a place of limbo, being unsure of who I really am. I mean for those who take a first glance at me they see a black girl. Because of most of my interest. I take a fascination in other cultures other than my own, such as anime, oriental food, music. Every time I am found out by others, knowing that I like those type of things I am called a weeb.
I know that this year seems to be the time where the black community must rise to the occasion in order for the next generation to have a shot of both equality and equity. I’ve come to the realisation over the years that people of colour will not be free until those of us who in bondage have the same rights as our fellow oppressors. I need a second just a millisecond to get my thoughts in order… how am I supposed to be a part of the generation that paves the way for change, when I know not how to do so. There is so much to do in order for change to happen.
Supposedly, I put a high bar for myself because of my name, it is of Greek origin and means ‘defender of men, helper.’ I try to help the environment more by recycling more, eat less meat, my family and I are working on using less products that use plastic, my parents drive less in order for them to use less carbon emission, but is that enough? Is it enough for me to say that I meet the requirements of being a helper?
I was once told by a one-to-one teacher that my drawings and writing, have the power to move people. Recently I haven’t felt that feeling in a very long time because I guess I ran out of reasons to write. I’m not normally a fan of writing my life stories because I am afraid that if someone was to open that closet then maybe they would be terrified of the skeletons that hide there. A lot of you may be thinking ‘Isn’t that the point of writing to be completely vulnerable?’ well in most cases yes but I’ve never been one to show people what I truly think. But that is something that I am working on.
The reason why I write truthfully is that, it is the only way I know my voice will be heard, if I am unable to speak it then I am able to write, I have freedom to hide my own life story within metaphors. I had never been good at much things except for expressing myself through pictures in either a drawing or photography format, occasionally writing as well. Anything that had involved creativity I thought that was what I was meant to do. I chose to go to university and study creative and professional writing because I wanted to give myself the best shot that I didn’t think I deserved.
From starting in foundation year to now. I have surpassed what I never believed I was capable of doing. I mean I am halfway there into reaching my goal of graduating university, my course has helped me build confidence both in my academic life but also in my social life. If you had asked me last year how many friends, I thought I would have made on the first day I would have said none. However, as fate would have it, I ended up making one friend who understood me on a spiritual level. We both help each other overcome obstacles in our studies when we can and cry because let’s face it we all have done it because of the stress of assignments. But it's not all bad because of my interactions with people they have helped me to realise what is important to me.
My dream job over time has really changed like the seasons. At one point I wanted to be a teacher, then editor, publisher or an author. To this day I am still undecided which path I will choose. I mean I still have another year to figure it out, my options aren’t limited by what others tell me but only by what I am capable of.
Now, if you ask me again. Who am I? To tell you quite simply I am just me. No one label me otherwise I become someone I do not know. Which has happened a lot recently? So maybe ask me in a year and I will give you a more definitive answer.
