Sex Sells, But I’m Not Buying
An asexual view on a hypersexual society
Let’s talk about sex, baby. We pretty much have to embrace it, there’s certainly no escaping it. From the increasingly explicit themes in pop music to the gratuitous smut scenes in movies, sex is a major part of modern society, and nowhere is this more true than in advertising. In the 20 years from 1983 to 2003, there was a huge increase in sexual advertisements, from 15% to 27% of all adverts containing erotic themes. To be clear, that isn’t adverts for adult toys, this is cars, perfume, even cheeseburgers being sold through semi-nude figures and casual innuendos. There are hundreds of arguments to be had about this, of course, debates about female objectification and exposing children to too much, but they all take one point for granted: on some level, everyone wants or will want sex.
That simply isn’t true.
I, for one, have no interest in it. When people ask, I normally tell them that I’m gay. It answers the question they actually mean of “will you be bringing home a boyfriend or a girlfriend?”, and it’s a hell of a lot easier than trying to explain my actual orientation. I don’t cling too tightly to labels, they don’t add anything to my life except a sense of duty to fit them perfectly, but I would loosely describe myself as a homoromantic asexual. In short, I like girls but I’d prefer to keep my clothes on and my hands to myself. I’m not alone in this, 1–1.2% of the world’s population identify somewhere along the ace spectrum. That may not sound like much, but the actual figure for that is 78 million asexual people. To put that in perspective, the UK has a population of just under 68 million. As awareness of asexuality has increased in recent years, more and more celebrities have felt comfortable sharing that they identify as asexual, including musician and actress Emilie Autumn (The Devil’s Carnival) and voice actor Erica Mendez (Hunter x Hunter, Mob Psycho 100).
I mentioned the ace spectrum a few moments ago, let’s dissect that a little further.
Asexuality in general means a lack of sexual attraction. An asexual may find somebody aesthetically attractive and can fall in love (many people think asexuals and aromantics are the same. They’re not, although interestingly, 25% of asexuals also identify as aromantic). Generally speaking, asexuals fall into one of three categories, although a certain amount of fluctuation is entirely normal. First, there are the sex-repulsed aces, which are the type more people know about. These are people who hate the thought of all sexual activity and would never partake in it. Midway along the scale are sex-neutral aces, who have no strong feelings about sex, but might be willing to participate in sexual activities for their partner or for reproduction. Finally, sex-positive aces are quite happy to have sex and may do so for a variety of reasons, whether that be for bonding with a partner or simply because they enjoy the feeling. The key point that all three have in common is that they don’t experience sexual attraction — in other words, they won’t see someone and want to sleep with them.
What does this have to do with advertising?
Very little, and that’s the problem. With sexy adverts becoming increasingly common, the gap between aces and allosexuals is becoming more and more visible. I can hardly switch on the television without being forcefully reminded that I’m different, I don’t work the way most other people do. I don’t want to say broken, that word has been used against us far too often for far too long, and I refuse to believe that there’s anything “wrong” with not wanting sex. But the fact remains, I don’t want it. There’s a certain danger in admitting that sexual adverts make me uncomfortable, or even straight-up disgust me. One particular situation springs to mind, a perfume advert. We’ve all seen them, a woman wearing floss for lingerie poses provocatively whilst silhouettes of a couple doing the horizontal tango flash across the screen and an ambiguous European voice says the name of the scent and gives absolutely no other details. I’m sure you know the type I mean. My dislike of the advert came from the same place as my aversion to all other sexual situations: it seems a lot of physical effort and a lot of mess to clean up afterwards, and frankly, there are too many bodily fluids involved for it to seem appealing. Unfortunately, other people dislike it for other reasons. I saw complaints based on slut-shaming and accusing the woman of selling herself out. Believe me, I don’t like agreeing with that type of person. I wouldn’t consider myself a prude, I’m all for women being able to have sex when and with whomever they like, but I don’t want to see it. It certainly doesn’t inspire me to purchase a perfume.
And so I’m stuck.
Either I say nothing and feel excluded, or I comment and risk looking like a bigot. I can’t win, and neither can 78 million other people. It doesn’t seem fair for companies to refuse to show a gay couple holding hands only to turn around and produce porn in the name of business, but that’s exactly what happens. The sex-positive movement has allowed them to make increasingly risque adverts in the name of being progressive, whilst I and others like me are told to grow up, stop being so frigid, don’t you know it’s 2021? At this point, I’m not sure if there is a happy medium. Sex sells, sex is profitable, sex is what companies need to grow. I don’t see them giving it up any time soon. Instead, I'm left to do the same things I’ve done for the past 5 years; laugh awkwardly and look away, and try to pretend that I don’t wish I were “normal”.
References:
Advocatesforyouth.org. 2021. I Think I Might Be Asexual. [online] Available at: <https://www.advocatesforyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/ITIMB-ACE-for-print.pdf> [Accessed 1 November 2021].
Fallon, N., 2021. [online] Businessnewsdaily.com. Available at: <https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/2649-sex-sells-more.html> [Accessed 1 November 2021].
Plonksi, L., 2018. 7 Facts You Should Know About Aromantic People. [online] them. Available at: <https://www.them.us/story/facts-you-should-know-about-aromantic-people> [Accessed 1 November 2021].
Sorrow, A., 2012. Magazine trends study finds increase in advertisements using sex — UGA Today. [online] UGA Today. Available at: <https://news.uga.edu/magazine-trends-study-finds-increase-in-advertisements-using-sex/> [Accessed 1 November 2021].
Williams Institute. n.d. 1.7% of sexual minority adults identify as asexual — Williams Institute. [online] Available at: <https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/sm-asexuals-press-release/> [Accessed 1 November 2021].
