The Sh#t Mums Club
Would hope to get this published in Absolutely Mama www.absolutely-mama.co.uk or Mums www.mums-magazine.co.uk/guestblog
If you’re on TikTok or Instagram you would have possibly come across this sub-sect of women who admit the truth about being a mum. The truth that some would love to say but feel if they did that they would be judged by the Instagram filter of parenting. By that, I mean the type of parents that will only ever post pictures of their womb fruits dressed like models and behaving like little angels. Photos where the house is immaculate and their kid's diets consist of organic kale and halloumi fries with plant-based meat substitutes. Where in actual fact the reality is much different. They probably do feed their child/children the odd crap dinner or let them eat a biscuit to tide them over between meals instead of hummus and a selection of carrot, cucumber and celery sticks. Yet they wouldn't dare portray that on social media for fear of getting judged. But why do we have to pretend just for show? All this does is cause anxiety and feelings of self-doubt, like we are doing it wrong. When in actual fact you're not at all. Unless you are leaving your offspring home alone and going off raving for a weekend or neglecting them whilst getting off your head on drugs then you're doing ok. It's a win if they make it till bedtime in one piece as far as I'm concerned. It's hard but don't let other parents (mainly other mums) make you feel inadequate. Be the parent you are and own it, don't judge others and don't care what other people think in return.
The criteria to join the club
Don't be judgemental, it's as simple as that and what you don't agree with whether in life or on social media just go about your day without giving your opinion. What someone has to do to get through their day has no bearing on your life unless you allow it. If a mum is breastfeeding in public and you are offended by the most natural thing in life, look the other way, don't tut or make your feelings known. It's a hard enough skill to master as it is. Don't get pissy because you catch a glimpse of Areolae or a flash of nipple. They aren't trying to entice your significant other in or being voyeuristic I promise. Don’t pipe up with comments like “can't you feed them in the toilet” or “you should have fed them before you left the house or put it in a bottle.” I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to eat my lunch in a public toilet so why would a baby? And baby changing rooms are just as bad. The last thing you want to do is sit in a room with a nappy bin, it's bad enough having to stand in there to actually change a nappy. Poo with a floral undertone is really not pleasant I can assure you. The same goes for people that bottle-feeds too. Don't judge, you don't know that mums reason for doing so. Or the mum that has given their toddler a packet of crisps or sweets on the morning school run. There is a possibility that that child has been up with the larks and it's a case of anything to keep them happy at this point just to stay sane.
We are all experts until we have children of our own
I remember before I had children that I would say “I will never make my kids eat dinners they don't like, like my mum did with my sister and I, or if I saw kids having major tantrums id think they were unruly and hadn't been brought up properly. Mainly because my dad ruled with an iron fist (quite literally) and there was no way id have dared take a step out of line. However we all can think or say what we would do in situations we've never been in but when you are faced with the reality, its a very, very different story. Hypothetical children are always the easiest to raise. Its so easy to make judgements on other peoples parenting but as I've got older and had my own little treasures I have come to realise that its all about survival, mine and the kids. If you make it through the day with all limbs in tact and you've not had a breakdown then you're winning in my book.
Rules of the sh#t mums club
Unlike the film Fight Club, the rules for the sh#t mums club is tell everyone, spread the word far and wide, collect members and let mums know they re not alone as long asd they're willing to follow some or if not all the rules
- Dont judge
- Be kind
- Swear if you want (I mean are you really a mum if you've never stuck your fingers up at your kid behind their back Rik Mayall in Bottom style)
- Feed your kids junk if that's what it takes
- Consume alcohol (responsibly, unless out on a weekend with the girls)
- Have a lived in ( what some may call untidy) house and an ironing pile so high that snow boarders would be proud to discend it.
- Washing can go around in the washing machine at least twice or even three times before it eventually gets hung up to dry because you've forgotten you've put it on and its sat there slowly getting mustier by the hour
- Get through the day on too much tea or coffee and a biscuit barrel of biscuits
- Let your kids play on their devices or binge watch TV for a bit too long just to have a minutes piece
- Have a chocolate or sweet stash that no one else knows about, Especially the kids
Once you’ve given up with trying to fit an ideal you become more relaxed and possibly a better parent. Some people like order and routine and some prefer to parent flying by the seat of their pants. Both are fine as long as it isn't affecting anyone else in a negative way especially your children. If following other mums all be it friends or celebrity/influencers on social media impacts on your life and makes you feel bad then stop. Take a step back and only interact with the things and people that improve and enrich your life. Dont feel bad that you haven't cooked a meal from scratch for a day or two. Don’t feel bad if you don't manage homework every night or get annoyed occasionally. Cut yourself some slack and remember that there are no real experts out there. Even if Gina Ford likes you to think she is (heads up, she really isn't). All babies and children are different, so as long as yours are fed, watered, safe and loved then you're doing a great job. Keep your head up, parenthood is bloody hard but its an amazing gift too. How ever you become a parent biologically or otherwise, strap in tightly its going to be one hell of a ride.
