What I wish I’d known before having kids!
The calm before the storm
When the (let's be generous) five minutes of fun are over and possibly a distant memory and you start to feel not quite your usual self so you decide it might be a good idea to take a pregnancy test, that is the moment everything changes. You would think it's after the positive result but in those few moments where you are in limbo, waiting patiently for a line or two to appear, you find yourself thinking, “Shit, things just got real”. Even if it's a planned pregnancy it still hits you like a ton of bricks. In those few moments, you are waiting to find out if life will ever be the same again.
Pregnancy
Once you are actually pregnant you'll find out how many pregnancy experts, you actually know. They will all come forward with good intentions and varying degrees of advice. It's lovely but can be very overwhelming for a first time mum. Then there is the influx of horror stories about haemorrhoids and pooing in labour, (as if you didn't have enough to worry about!). Personally, I wasn't prepared for quite how much you suddenly become an object that everyone feels the need to touch or have an opinion on. Opinions that sometimes didn't need to be shared. Such as “Wow arent you big, is it twins” or “you’re not very big, are you sure you’re pregnant and not just getting fat? I would get checked over you know there might be something wrong with the babies growth”. You see when it comes to babies everyone loves to give you their opinion. As if womens bodies arent objectified enough, it is even more of a hot topic when you are pregnant.
Check up’s
No one prepares you for how intrusive these examinations are, especially if you have any issues during pregnancy. For instance if you have Polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid around the baby), like I did and start to leak some of that fluid before your baby is even due, then not only can that be a huge cause of concern, it can also lead to a lot of internal examinations. FYI, all privacy goes out the window when you are a vessel for new life. Midwives and even doctors prodding at and discussing your cervix like you're not even there. Having to measure water loss and offer up your soggy sanitary pad for close scrutiny incase its just heavy discharge. Not a job for the faint hearted that's for sure. It entails a lot of laying around being strapped to monitors too, to check babies movements and heart beat (Fetal Heart Rate Monitoring).
Pregnancy magazines
If you believe all you see on the internet or in Pregnancy magazines you will think growing a baby is ever so glamorous. You think you will look positively glowing in all your beautiful maternity wear. All designed to look like you've come from the cat walk or a photo shoot and secretly hide your perfectly formed baby bump. You read about the extra glossy hair, stronger nails and the glowing skin. But in reality you look pale from all the morning sickness, that incidentally can last all day and way past the first trimester, if you're very unfortunate. Your hair looks like you have taken up dipping it in chip fat from the local chippy and large chunks can even break of where it gets so weak. Then on top of all that the only thing you can squeeze your ever expanding waistline into is a tunic style dress that makes you look like you've smuggled half a circus act in to a tent and decided to wear it. The maternity bras available to you if you are a woman above a certain size, are what can only be described as something your granny would wear, old fashioned and practical and if you were to hang it on the washing line you run the risk of people coming along to use it as a hamok.
Giving birth
If you get to go to antinatal classes they will teach you how to focus and breath through the pain, how to keep active to keep labour going in the right direction. What they don't tell you is when that pain takes hold, all efforts to control your breathing may well go out the window and all you really want to do is grip onto something for dear life and not let go. Regardless of if its your partners hand that is slowly going blue where you have cut off the blood supply to their fingers. The gas and air will not take the pain away but it will make you say a whole load of crazy stuff that maybe shouldn't be said in front of professionals and makes you feel all floaty so you don't care about the pain as much. During your pregnancy you will be asked to write up a birth plan. Well you may as well write it on a piece of paper and throw it straight in the trash. Just like you can’t totally 100% know when baby will want to evacuate your womb, unless you have elected for it to come out the sun roof (C-section) of course. You cant plan how labour will go for you either. Yes you can write down types of pain relief you might want if any. Or how you would like to do delayed clamping. But for everything else its impossible to know and could possibly leave you feeling upset if things don't go the way you would like them to. Lucky for me I'm a fly by the seat of my pants type and never have a plan in place.
Being a parent
I for one never envisaged when I became a parent how often I would discuss the contents of a soiled nappy. Or how annoying it is to hear any old newborn baby cry, not just your own and your milk to start leaking through your top. I never thought id have to pull a rolled up piece of Christmas decoration out of a nostril or repeatedly ask my child not to drink out the dogs bowl (and yes I had moved it several times). I never thought id catch someone else's vomit in my hands, out of choice as not to ruin the carpet and furniture below or take quite so many trips to A&E for various lumps, bumps, trips, falls and a good couple of rather deep cuts. However, that being said, I wouldn't change it or them for the world. As unglamourous as it all really is, its well worth the crazy ride if you chose to take it.
Further reading:
- Polyhydramnios is where there is too much amniotic fluid around the baby during pregnancy. This can lead to premature birth or prolapsed umbilical cord. For more information visit the NHS website.
- Fetal Heart Rate Monitoring or Contractions and foetal and maternal heart rate are monitored using cardiotocograph (CTG) devices
- Delayed cord clamping allows the blood from the placenta to continue being transferred to the baby even after they are born. This means that the baby could receive up to 214g of cord blood, which is about 30% more blood than they would have without it.
- The benefits of this include:
- increased iron levels in the baby even up until they are six months old which helps with growth and both physical and emotional development.
- increased amount of stem cells, which helps with your baby’s growth and helps with their immune system.
- For more information visit the NHS website.
