Social media is for idiots.

Damn right.

I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve seen Texans set one another on fire, throw themselves face first into some 12-inch needles or stinging nettles, jump off of their roof onto another roof…and inevitably miss. All in the name of and I quote ‘Entertainment’. And it’s not just the Texans, it’s happening all over the globe folks, this idiotic world of buffoonery we now appear to be living in. The golden age in which comedy gold can now be classed as some drugged up topless Yank trying to climb a tree and falls…obviously. But it’s okay because they seem to upload the footage to every form of social media anyway hoping for their big break in the tree falling industry. Why you might ask? They’re bloody idiots.

Another thing that grinds my gears is how boring people on social media can be. Personally on a good day I can contend with social media since most of the things I see actually entertain me. You know the usual stuff, music, food, fancy shit that I like (usually watches and tech) more food. That stuff isn’t posted by idiots. But honestly I don’t care what you had on your toast today for brunch. It could be a Swarovski encrusted half and half slice of toast absolutely destroyed with an avalanche of cheese, Marmite, beans, diamonds or whatever. This doesn’t benefit my life in any way. This Swarovski cheese toasty doesn’t make me happy, it doesn’t bring joy, just sadness and anger because someone thought it would be a good investment to by diamond encrusted bread. What would bring me joy would be finding this mystery being with their ‘food’, pluck out every individual diamond and ram them up their arse. Then they can post themselves on social media with their new ‘chocolate starfish diamond’. Oh and I’d eat the toast as punishment for their crime, and since the trip there would make me a tad peckish.

Also I’m not particularly impressed with Facebook’s new streaming feature. It just means that these idiots can now actually film themselves making their diamond sandwiches, and in real time because that’s what the world needs apparently. It’s only a matter of time before we get some smart ass thinking it’ll be entertaining to stream himself taking a dump. And this is all because Mark Zuckerberg is giving the people the tools to do exactly what they wanted. Thank Zuckerberg you did good this time. What will it be next? Virtual reality Facebook? A concept where people will virtually sit in a room and talk to their friends who are also sitting with them…virtually. Just fucking go outside and sit on a bench or a café. How hard can it be? We already have TwitchTV, so why do we need Facebook Live? Or Instagram live videos or any other kind of live streaming. Twitch does a pretty a good job of it already and I’m sure their members don’t do half of the idiotic things we seem to see every day. Apart from that time a gamer had his house broken into by a Swat team because a viewer’s prank…sick prank bro.

I honestly don’t understand how people think their lives are so much more significant than others and have to justify this by spending every second each day documenting it. Most of my Twitter feed, which I’m sad to say I still have, just consists of people saying what they just ate for lunch or what’s in their bag which really doesn’t excite me as it once did… I should really evaluate my Twitter choices from the past.

Quite frankly I feel like the only way that we can purge this world of social media scum is by shutting down access to social media. But that’s a pretty dumb idea even by my standards and is quite honestly impossible. Without social media the world would probably end in a week and we’d all be screwed and isolate ourselves. I’d be thoroughly surprised if we all got up off of our butts and started talking to people’s faces my word that’d be a miracle.

Anyway it seems that we might just have to accept that social media is full of dumb shits and we’ll just have to live with that. Well you guys can and good luck to you. Meanwhile I’m going to venture into the real world away from all of my computer screens, get a coffee and play some drums. Maybe you all you lot could read a book or something.