What I Wish I’d Known Before…….
The forest was dark. The tall evergreen trees huddled together so the light couldn’t penetrate their thick canopy. I visited the forest when I was eight. I went with the Cubs, the dib dib dib variety, not the furry type. Our Cub pack resembled a First World War buddy regiment. The older boys were coerced into joining by rousing speeches, but we didn’t want to be left out. And so on this camping trip there were my friends and their older brothers.
We were paired with our brothers and allowed to settle into our tents. Later, as darkness fell, we were briefed
‘Leave only your footprints,’ said the Akela. ‘And go to the toilet block in pairs.’
The toilet block was the far side of the forest. The forest was nicknamed No Man’s land. Therefore one had to negotiate the footpath which meandered through No Man’s land to get to the toilets.
As darkness fell it started to rain. We were told it would pass, but it didn’t. I began to wonder if the forest wanted us there.
Camped a short distance away were the older, alfresco hardened Scouts. We could see them marching to and fro, and hear them, singing stirring songs. As night fell we tried to light our damp and depressed kindling, I saw them, in a clearing, deep in the forest, dancing wildly around the gyrating flames of their bonfire.
I felt my brother touch my shoulder, ‘Remember, do not go into the forest alone.’
What if I need the toilet?’
My brother’s face was hidden in the darkness of an unlit fire.
‘Then little brother they will get you.’
‘Who will?’ I asked.
‘Them,’ he said pointing towards the forest.
‘But I can wake you.’
‘If you wake me you’ll have bigger problems than a wedgie from the Scouts,’ he replied.
And so later, with the words Ging Gang Goolie resounding in my confused mind, cold, wet, and wondering if I had cooked my sausage long enough, I climbed into my sleeping bag.
I woke up with a start. My stomach felt like a crowded lift making its way to the basement. There wasn’t much time.
My brother was snoring. I was about to give birth. I needed air. Outside was like floating in a black hole. As my pupils adjusted I could see the blinking lights of the toilet block as the swaying branches dared me to play a game of cat and mouse across No Man’s land.
I heard the wind whispering ‘Leave only your footprints.’ And then I had an idea.
When I woke the following morning my brother was like a pig sniffing for truffles.
‘What is that awful smell?’ he asked.
‘I can’t smell anything’ I said.
‘Get your towel, I’m walking to the shower,’ he said.
He opened his bag.
The game was up.
I was marched from the Camp Office with a shovel over my shoulder and publically humiliated as I buried the offending articles.
‘Baden-Powell would be turning in his grave,’ said the Akela.
I waited for my parents and watched the worms coming up for air.
With hindsight I realise that fate is like glass and doesn’t know the difference between the light and the dark.
If I had known what I know now, I would have made sure I’d listened more intently in my domestic science lessons. Now that I’m older and wiser I always make sure I’ve cooked my sausage thoroughly. My brother and I remain on good terms. We have never shared a tent again.
