Cloud Computing Weekly Digest: July 15, 2016

by Joe Kinsella

A zombie apocalypse hit Boston this week. Downtown was packed with people walking aimlessly around key landmarks, holding their phones up like they were taking a picture. But instead of taking a picture, these zombies are swiping to toss a virtual ball to a virtual creature. Yes everyone was playing Pokémon Go, which has turned otherwise intelligent adults into giant walking toddlers. So in celebration of what will forever be known as the Summer of Pokémon, let’s figure out which Pokémon characters are most like our favorite cloud providers.

First up in our PokéBall is the most powerful of all Pokémon, the bipedal feline-like Mewtwo. Mewtwo has a lot of pride, being the only Pokémon to have been cloned from Mew, the “ancestor of all Pokémon” (Sun Microsystems). It has psychic powers that allow it to understand what customers want in the cloud, including the power of AWS Kenesis. It can also expunge people’s memories (what outage in ap-southeast-2?). Who is Mewtwo? Amazon of course. Okay I’m tossing my PokéBall again. “Eevee, I choose you!” Out pops a cute, fox-like creature with big black eyes. It’s natural ability: run away. Yes, when the cloud gets going, Eevee will be nowhere to be found. Nice to meet you HPE. Back to our PokéBall, it’s time to call out Charizard, a giant dragon-like Pokémon. Charizard will not turn its full power on significantly weaker opponents, due to its nobility and some antitrust issues back in the 2000s. Charizard can breath flames on its opponents with an enterprise sales force, and is dangerous when threatened. While not the strongest of all Pokémon, you’d never count this one out in a fight. Say hello to Microsoft.

Back to our PokéBall again. “Trubbish, I choose you!” Out pops a creature that bears a strange resemblance to an overflowing trash bag. This Pokémon has been steadily devolving as a result of selling off various parts in its attempt to acquire EMC. Unfortunately, all that is left now is a garbage bag with sharp teeth. Meet Dell. I’m tossing my PokéBall again and out comes Electrode, a creature that looks like an upside-down PokéBall. It has two beady black eyes, prominent eyebrows, and in our case, a slightly unkempt beard and mustache. Electrode is an unpredictable Pokémon, prone to exploding with little or no provocation. It’s often called “the Bomb Ball” by trainers, and specializes in the moves Self Destruct and Explosion. It’s also known to say things like: “I have no idea what anyone is talking about (in the cloud)”, and “What the hell is cloud computing?”. Say hello to Larry Ellison’s Oracle.

Let’s get started with our week in review.

Read the full blog post at