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Protecting Insecure Men

Women’s full-time side hustle

Photo by Colton Jones on Unsplash

Disclaimer, if you are a man and think this story does not apply to you because not all men[…], good on you! Yet, how about you use this story to triple-check with the women around you and hear their side of the story, brace for impact.

Dear Men,

I know you have been brought up to believe that women need protection, your protection, we were brought up believing the same script, even worst we were brought up believing that it was our responsibility to make you feel the strongest, most expert, and unchallengeable. We were brought up to believe that your self-entitlement to our bodies was a way to pay back for your protection, a sort of gender-based mafia, capeesh?

While we paid and keep paying our dues regularly, we figured out that the script was not to protect women, it was to protect men, to protect them from their insecurities, from their fears, from their emotional incompetency.

Dear Men, you will most likely not understand what I am about to say, but we are your biggest safety net, we are protecting you from falling square in your face 24/7, I thought you should know. Please do not take my word for it, ask trusted women around you.

Tiptoeing around your self-confidence issues at home and in the office is a full time job. We have to play this game 24/7. We can’t enjoy your freedoms, we can’t be too right, too smart, too assertive, too independent, too outspoken, we need to congratulate on mediocre ideas, smile at obnoxious jokes, we need to swallow and own inequalities, and we need to keep quiet — very quite — because we risk to awake the beast, a person unaware of his emotions and how to handle them. We have learned the dance by heart, we move in silence, we insulate our steps, and underplay our contributions, our achievements, our intuitions, ourselves. We squeeze in our chairs so you can have more legroom, we all become welcoming flight attendants and put your safety and comfort on top of our own priorities.

Ask any woman, and they will tell you how they too have been wearing and/or are wearing that tight and uncomfortable flight attendant uniform to reassure aged-boys too busy, I mean scared, to start working on themselves, and their very own fears and emotions.

They call it emotional labour, it is full time, exhausting, unpaid and 99% on women’s shoulder. Emotional labour is not just caring for family, it is about caring no one — men included- gets hurt, that no one gets rubbed up in the wrong way, plasters always at hand, and always ready to move things around so that balance is maintained (and no one gets challenged).

Ask women around you, and they will tell you about the journey into unilateral self-discovery, processing fears, inadequacies, traumas, tears, pain, loneliness. The burden of female maturity, emotional maturity, when women lose their “cool” (i.e. dependency) and become witches, while men turn to younger women, to find once again the solace and protection only domesticated and unexperienced women can grant them.

The burden of managing men who are not ready to start working on the never-ending business of growing up emotionally, men who seek the comfort of their mothers in every woman, men who think they can trade to women the safety and security they can hardly grant to themselves.

Any unfinished or unwanted business men do not want to handle becomes a woman’s job and responsibility, being it family planning, alcoholism or homeland security.

Women are never given the benefit or option of leaving stuff or people unattended, they can never be off duty. That is how they grow tired, they are tired of the God-devotee type of relation imposed on them by society, whereby the God-like person sits too high to be touched by the mundanity of life and the devotee is supposed to gratefully pick up the slack!

Random lemons, freshly squeezed.

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Cristina Comunian

Cristina Comunian

Before the straightjacket feels comfortable again, I hit "publish".

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