Unreal Cologne at Bootshaus Club 2023 | Review
On 24.03.2023 the currently extremely popular party series called “unreal” took place in Cologne. The event was organized by the same person who is also responsible for Chrome Cologne on which I previously wrote a review. Both are parties featuring harder styles of Techno. While unreal is currently rapidly expanding and hosting events across Europe (e.g. in Amsterdam at ADE or Barcelona at OffSonar) it has its roots at colognes Bootshaus club and takes place approximately every one to two months there.
Location:
The Bootshaus club is one of the largest clubs in all of Germany. It is also nominated by DJ Mag as the 5th best club in the world. What to think of such ratings is up to oneself. It just indicates that the setup should be of very high quality. Online it is stated that the club can host around 1800 people at full capacity (3 floors). During Unreal all three of those were open and the event was officially sold out.
The club is not located directly in the city center but on the right Rheine side. Overall the left side is considered the lively one. Still, the club is easy to reach. One station by train from the central station (Messe Deutz) + 20 min by foot. Alternatively ~20 min to some of the central bar areas in cologne (Ringe, Belgisches Viertel) by cab.
The building itself is uneventful and is in an otherwise pretty empty area. More or less across it, the most famous SPA in cologne is located: Claudius Therme. Definitely a nice possible destination after a long night of dancing. But most people prefer to After in the Rheinpark which is also located directly next to the club. It is a great spot in summer to chill, talk and smoke directly next to the water.
If you’re more into After-Hour clubs those are located in Belgisches Viertel a bit further away (20 min by taxi ~ 25€).
Overall a solid 7.5/10, the minus points are due to the long walk needed from the next possible public transport station.
Sound-system:
There are three floors. The largest one is the main floor. Then there is the second largest — Blackbox — and the smallest one, Dreherei.
Let’s start with the setup in the main room. Originally there is a Funktion One system built into this room. It is a 4-point system with 2 Res 4S Skeletal per point and Res 2H for the surrounding area. However, instead of using the Funktion One subwoofers that are built into the club, the organizers placed 4 L-Acoustics KS28 subs in front of the dancefloor (I guess due to the different stage design compared to usual Bootshaus parties). Those things are monsters.
Just for comparison, at Hi Ibiza’s second floor, those are used as well. Let me tell you, if you’re in the middle of the dancefloor those things slap! The system is massive and unlike in Ibiza, they are not so accurate about governmental loudness restrictions. I spent most of the time there when Somewhen and SPFDJ played and it was great. However, during the last act — Paula Temple B2B SNTS — it didn’t pack the same punch then. I got the feeling that there was a compressor missing to process the live set. But only during this time I quickly checked the bar area “above” the main floor, where also lots of people were dancing. There I had the feeling that the sound was lacking and not suited for hard techno. Someone I talked to told me, that this was only an issue during the B2B, but I can’t verify that, because I didn’t visit those places earlier. Still, it is understandable, as with multiple levels and complex structures it is probably next to impossible to achieve a homogeneous sound in that room.
After SPFDJ I transitioned to the middle-sized floor: Blackbox. Rarely to be seen there was an older Seeburg PS system installed. A 4-Point system with one PS1 in each corner and 4 PS Subs that have single 21-inch drivers. I liked it a lot and the sound was powerful, yet clean. In front of the Subs were platforms, and if you danced on them it felt as if your whole body was vibrating. Maybe also due to the fact, that at this position the two 12-inch drivers of the PS1 directly fire at your head. Simply great!
I can’t comment on the smallest floor, because I didn’t spend a significant amount of time there. It was a 4-point system as well, with Funktion One Res 2 Tops and 4 Martin Audio Blackline S218+ (if I am not mistaken). It is an unusual combination, but given that both individually are great I assume it will be satisfying.
One important point which affects all Stages is, that it was very very loud! In my opinion hearing protection is a must at unreal! Please think about the future and take care of yourself. It was incredibly high volume and even with hearing protection, I felt like at the end of the night my ears were exhausted. Luckily you can buy earplugs at the wardrobe (1€), but still, in my opinion, the loudness was overdone.
Overall due to this (-1)and the complex main room with the inhomogeneous sound (-0.5), I give an 8.5 as a total score.
Lights and atmosphere:
I want to cut it short. The lights are magnificent. They are tuned to the external presentation of the event and are dominated by a distinct red. They underline the “Hell on Earth” motto perfectly. With lots of moving heads, lasers, and LED Washers the whole club shone. In the Blackbox additionally, the Fans on the ceiling have spotlights creating a beautiful effect which is caused by experienced VJs that compose all those scenes.
My recommendation is to be careful if you’re in danger of seizures or plan to take psychedelics as the light and especially the strobe can get very intense. For most, it would cause issues if the party would run much longer, but since it doesn’t stretch over multiple days it is fine.
The temperature was perfect. Heated, but not exhaustingly hot. More on that later.
Overall one of the core categories of unreal, which they master: 10/10
Organization:
The complications started when I arrived at the club. To enter you need to pass two security points. Usually, the first one is passed quickly, however, this time there was a big line and it took a while. To be fair I arrived at a crowded time (around midnight). But I ended up waiting for a bit over an hour in line to enter and even skipped the line at some point, so it actually would have been even longer. This was very disappointing, but at least they didn’t have a strict security check. After that, I waited about 10 minutes to leave my stuff at the wardrobe, which is fine.
This time there was no dress code officially announced and they removed their highlights on Instagram where it was described. This was the description of a previous unreal:
Dresscode: All black, kinky, dressed up, sporty or your own definition of crazy !
When asked on Instagram they confirmed that there still is a dress code and the crowd looked very homogeneous, which kind of confirmed it. Lots of black, harnesses, chains, and leather. Very much the new “TikTok Techno aesthetic”. I am not a fan of that and especially question encouraging guests to dress up in fetish gear without being a fetish event and not having an awareness team. In my opinion, this can attract a special (predatory) crowd and just overall seems fake. I’ll write about the people a bit in the last section and won’t consider this further in the rating.
The toilet situation was ok. I didn’t go often and as a man, it is easier. But given the size of the club, actually, there aren’t that many stalls, and I heard from women that they sometimes waited a fair amount of time.
My biggest critique (next to the price) is something else. I mentioned that the temperature inside was fine and it was warm enough even when lightly dressed or topless. Outside, however, it was between 5–10 degrees celsius which is quite the contrast. There weren’t really any quiet places inside. Those where you could sit down were very loud and it was difficult to socialize or hold a long conversation there. So you were kind of forced to go outside and face the cold. But there was neither heating nor blankets provided. I always had a hoodie with me which I tied around my waist when dancing and put on when outside. But most people were just out in the cold — and for sure a substantial ratio got ill the next day. I don’t understand why there wasn’t provided anything to better the situation. Especially given the high cost they could at least provide some heating. Also, the sound should be lowered in certain areas to provide a proper indoor chill space.
This very unfortunate temperature swing (-5), seriously putting the health of the guests at risk (esp. when intoxicated), the entry times (-1) and the whole dress code shenanigans (-0.5) resulted in a score of 3.5/10 for this category.
Music:
This category again is very biased and depends on the specific event. This was my 3rd unreal with the previous 2 being in the first quarter of 2022. During all of them, I was satisfied with the DJs performing, while Clara Cuve and Klangkuenstler have been especially memorable acts. In my opinion, the sound got harder throughout the months with the main floor usually being clearly dedicated to hard techno. During this party in March, I feel like it was the most “musically diverse” line-up the organizer ever put up. Especially on the Blackboox floor Nene H and Narciss were two acts I usually wouldn’t expect in the booking.
Both performed very well and provided a great alternative for the sometimes dull/monotone main floor. Already shifting into the style of new-school trance. Nene H I already mentioned in my Celebration of Life Review and still stand by my opinion, that she is a great DJane that performs very consistently and provides a great selection. Narciss played a beautiful closing which was very similar to one of his Boiler Room sets:
Unfortunately, the floor was only half filled and I had the feeling, that except for a few, most other guests didn’t appreciate this different style. Let's see if similar bookings will follow.
On the smallest floor, one of the residents played: Neon Graveyard. The DJ has a good following among cologne locals and I heard a lot of positives. Going even further and harder.
Overall there was musical variability and a good selection of established, rising, and local DJs making it a 10/10 for me.
Pricing:
It was so hard for me to decide if I should attend. Not only are the tickets expensive, but they also sell out very quickly. This resulted in me buying from Ticketswap and paying an additional fee. Even then getting a ticket can become hard. If you check for the upcoming events at Bootshaus all unreal parties are sold out and on Ticketswap tickets get bought instantly if someone is reselling. This resulted in me paying 46€ for entry. That is a lot of money!
Generally, there are different Phases with different price points ranging from approximately 30€ to 50€ including service fees. However, due to the parties being highly in demand they sell out usually within a day or two, and some comments on Instagram mentioned that there have been server issues that caused them to not be able to buy cheap phases.
Additionally, the wardrobe was 3€ per piece, so me having a jacket and a bag + the ticket resulted in paying 52€ only to start the party. And for one that only goes from 22:30–8:00 sharp. Not a Berlin multiday extravaganza. For comparison, a usual Clubnight in Cologne charges 15–25€ entry (Example). But this is not a regular club night. The way Bootshaus operates, building specific scenes and stages depending on the party, this much more compares with Ibiza-type clubs and “Bigroom events”. A good comparison would be the Third Room only 1 hr away from cologne in a UNESCO cultural heritage. In April they host a comparable event where SDFDJ, Hector Oaks, and more perform for a price of 20–30€, which is much cheaper.
Then again in comparison to Printworks London (35€-45€) or Ibiza (50€-80€) this looks more in line, but I personally find it hard to compare those places to cologne.
Looking at the prices of drinks the price level remains high. I only have the price for Soda (Mate) in mind: at two other clubs in Cologne it is significantly cheaper (Gewoelbe: 3€ , Helios37: 3.5€) and comes in 0.33l bottles while at Bootshaus they charge 4.5€ for a smaller 0.25l can. The same applies to other drinks which are more expensive as well. The size of the selection is ok.
One of the biggest negatives of the unreal and Bootshaus, in general, is the cost. If you look behind the scenes at how the club operates, creating an individual scene for each event, the cost gets a bit justified. However, it is still far too expensive compared to other offerings in cologne and its surrounding cities: 3.5/10
Conclusion:
Overall it is a bit hard to give the unreal a final rating. In my opinion, it is kind of the second generation of events and an evolution from the first hard techno events like Possession. However much much better organized and with a very savvy team, which is especially noticeable with sound, light, and booking. Still, it was too expensive for me, and especially in winter with the no-heating outdoor situation I don’t feel that it was fully worth it. With an entry price of max. 35€ and in summer I would rate it higher, but for now, this only gets a 6.5/10. If it would be my first unreal, I would have friends from out of town visiting and I want to “impress” them (money isn’t an issue), or there is a certain act I really want to see — then I would consider coming again. Otherwise I think there are better value for money options in such a thriving scene as cologne.
My state of mind:
Let us finish up by stepping away from the objective rating and talking about some subjective points. I already mentioned that unreal represents the second (evolved) generation of hard techno organizers for me. Others that fall into this categorization are Teletech UK, Intercell, and Verknipt. Those target a much younger generation compared to e.g. Awakenings which already exists for decades. I have nothing against those events and actually like a fair share of artists they feature or even brought up.
However, they often feel kind of one-dimensional. A lot of people I talk to at those events only started to listen to techno during the lockdown years, sticking to a certain subgenre (harder and faster), and having a specific image of “raves” in mind (influenced by Instagram and TikTok). You know, this New Rock, Harness, and Chain aesthetic combined with the 2 step dance move. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against those people and everybody was a Newbie at some point, but it feels like this generation is less inclusive and open than previously. With them, it often matters what you wear and how you appear and drugs became more prominent than what I remember — given I grew up in Berlin and started going to clubs at 16. The music somewhat moves to a lower priority, but that is probably also due to the fact, that the older generation missed to educate the newer ones and left that all to some idiots on TikTok that show you “how to dress and how to dance properly”.
To be honest I was quite intoxicated as well and overall in a great mood but still noticed the discrepancy among the guests. 1800 people are a lot and Bootshaus has a reputation for attracting a certain crowd (screaming, filming, fist in the air David Guetta fans to put it mildly). Additionally, it is allowed to take pictures, which I don’t think is problematic, but there have been some people who have overdone it, and filming people in fetish gear kind of leaves a bad aftertaste. At least it makes my review easier even though I try to hide faces as well as possible.
The whole what's “real” and what isn’t, is an infinite debate. Leaving all the negativity aside I still met some very friendly and easy-to-talk people — sometimes it just took a bit longer. Overall I enjoyed the event and left it with a smile on my face.
