Breakfast Brito: Boy Problems, Who’s Got Em?
Dear Breakfast Brito,
How do I get my crush’s attention? There’s a really cute boy in one of my classes, and I want him to know I’m interested without making the rest of the semester painfully awkward if he’s not down. What should I do?
— Interested in Extracurriculars
Dear Interested,
Ahhhh yes, February at CMC. Maybe the corporate allure of Valentine’s Day got to you. Maybe Parents’ Weekend has you never wanting to explain what “hooking up” means to your mom ever again. Maybe it’s the smell of the Callery Pear trees blooming in the North Quad parking lot. Whatever the reason, love is definitely in the air.
The fact that you and your crush already have a class together is a good first step. Depending on the class, this could mean common interests. At the very least, it means you have a good excuse to get his number in case you need to “ask about homework or something.” While class is a great time to lay groundwork via showing how smart you are, it’s a limited amount of time, and Rome wasn’t built in three hours a week.
Think back to your initial CMC tour, where your tour guide was extolling the virtues of a small school. While they were probably talking about class sizes, the size of our campus is also perfect for staging “chance encounters.” If you notice that your routes to class cross on a certain day, perfect the timing so you see them as often as possible. Never say anything in these situations (at most a smile and nod) but make sure they see you looking really good. Find out where they study. That’s your new favorite study spot. Find out where they live. You’ve got a new jogging route! Anyone who says they’ve never done this is a liar or a robot or possibly both.
When you’re ready to take the next step, but not quite prepared to tell them how you feel in real life, try doing so behind the comfort of a screen and several layers of irony. Get Tinder and keep swiping until you see the object of your affection. Then, when you match, send them a flirty message that is ambiguous enough to save face if they aren’t feeling it. Something like a facetious “Do I know you from somewhere?” says “I’m on Tinder as a joke LOL! I’m definitely not listening to Drake’s 2011 masterpiece Take Care on repeat and wondering if I’m gonna be alone forever.” If you aren’t already friends on social media, don’t add them. Instead, add all of their best friends. Add them on Snapchat, but never snap them directly. Just post things that you want to snap them to your story, and wait for them to respond. The goal is to have them come to you.
If all else fails, wait until Thursday night and send them multiple texts (regardless of response rate). This probably won’t work, but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take — or at least you can tell yourself that on Friday morning when you show your friend the conversation and she deems it “definitely not great.”
Now, if by “cute boy” you mean your professor, I can’t help you.
Best of luck,
Breakfast Brito