The Real You: Going Beyond Your Emotions and Discovering Your True Self

David McThomas
Coaching Conversations
3 min readMay 9, 2023

Our emotions are a natural and essential part of our lives, helping us navigate the world and connect with others. However, at times, our emotions can take over, and we can become stuck in patterns of reactivity that limit our potential. In this post, we’ll explore how to go beyond your emotions and reactions to discover the real you that sits below the surface. We’ll look at understanding emotions, changing your conditioned tendencies, and discovering the real you.

Understanding Emotions

Emotions are natural and instinctive feelings that arise in response to a particular situation or event. They are often accompanied by physical sensations, such as a racing heart or sweaty palms. However, emotions can be influenced by past experiences, beliefs, and conditioning. Understanding your primary and secondary emotions can help you recognize patterns and triggers that lead to certain reactions.

  • Primary emotions are the initial, instinctive emotions that arise in response to a stimulus, such as fear, anger, or joy.
  • Secondary emotions are the emotions that arise in response to primary emotions.

Changing Your Conditioned Tendencies

While emotions can be powerful, they are not fixed or permanent. You have the ability to understand and change your conditioned tendencies.

  • Mindfulness involves being present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment. By observing your emotions in this way, you can begin to recognize patterns and triggers that lead to certain reactions. This can help you gain more control over your emotional responses and make conscious choices instead of reacting impulsively.
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps you identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to negative emotions. By changing the way you think about a situation, you can change the way you feel about it. For example, if you tend to catastrophize and assume the worst in a situation, you may feel anxious or stressed. By practicing more balanced thinking and focusing on positive outcomes, you can reduce your anxiety and feel more calm and confident.

Discovering the Real You

By going beyond your emotions and reactions, you can discover the real you that sits below the surface. This involves getting in touch with your core values and beliefs. What is most important to you in life? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your passions and interests? By exploring these questions, you can gain a deeper understanding of who you are and what you want out of life.

  • Getting in touch with your core values and beliefs can help you gain a deeper understanding of who you are and what you want out of life.
  • By exploring your passions and interests, you can develop a greater sense of self-awareness.
  • Embracing your emotions and learning to work with them rather than against them can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth. By understanding your emotions and what they are trying to tell you, you can gain insight into your inner world and make more informed decisions.

Final Thoughts

Emotions are a natural part of being human, but they do not define who you are. By understanding and changing your conditioned tendencies and discovering the real you, you can gain more control over your emotional responses and live a more intentional and authentic life. So the next time you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, take a step back, practice mindfulness, challenge your negative thoughts, and remember that the real you sits below the surface.

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David McThomas
Coaching Conversations

Dedicated to unlocking Human and Organisational potential, through Professional Coaching and Powerful Breakthrough Questions