First Day of School

“Tomorrow is your first day of Kindergarten. Your backpack is packed, your new lunch box is set to go …” (Kris-Ann, a thoughtful mother). (https://blogs.brighthorizons.com/familyroom/first-day-of-kindergarten/)

___________________________________________________________________

September 2001.

I sit in the backseat of my mom’s white 1999 Nissan Infiniti with my Velcro light up sneakers, a pink Care Bear lunch pail, some form of a backpack, and a down jacket that is blatantly too heavy for a September morning in southern California. My mother has pulled into a parking spot in front of a large series of off-white, blue, and maroon buildings. I get out of the car and take all of my stuff with me — my stuff, which, together, probably creates a creature larger than I am.

My mother grabs my hand, and we walk, or, rather, she walks, and I waddle, onto the campus of my first school.

I know that my mom isn’t spending the rest of the day with me. As we enter the school and walk toward my classroom, I can feel the anxiety starting to make itself at home in the pit of my stomach.

“Can we walk slower, Mom?”

“You’re going to be late.”

It starts spreading, and it has now made itself a resident in my chest.

“I’m scared, Mom.”

“It’s going to be fun, honey. Don’t worry.”

I can’t even hear her at this point.

The next thing I know I’m in classroom with lavishly paper-decorated walls and a sea of just as anxious faces staring back at me. Then, there’s this woman — this really tall woman — who beckons me to become one with the anxious crowd. My mom lets go of my hand, and the next thing I know I’m floating in the sea all by myself. I crane my neck just enough to see my mom’s smiling face as she walks out of the door. The door shuts.

___________________________________________________________________

“You aren’t going to know anyone; not one person… I slipped a note card into your backpack with all your information…. We’ve done all we can to prepare, the rest is up to you” (Kris-Ann).

*******************************************************************

The first day of school — the first day of what, for some members of our society, will encompass almost the next two decades of our lives. It’s a big deal, isn’t it? That first day you were dropped off may have been one of the first days you were on your own. I know it was for me. Once that door shut, I couldn’t be completely at ease anymore. Everyone around me was a stranger, and even the little me knew that I had to be more thoughtful in my actions. Yet, with this thoughtfulness came the development of something else — something profoundly important that would be the foundation of my development into an adult.

In the words of the loving mother Kris-Ann, “the rest is up to you.” From the hours of 9 A.M. to 3 P.M., my parents, along with the parents of any other kindergartener out there, no longer knew what any of us were truly up to. Given, there were still authority figures around — teachers and the like — but they couldn’t keep track of everything we did. When we were released to play at recess, we could run amok. Our games and conversations were ultimately our own. With that anxiety inducing separation from our parents came our first tastes of independence and agency.

This independence ultimately propelled our little five year old selves to think for ourselves, to truly look at the world through our own eyes, and act upon situations with our own instincts. Albeit, some of these instincts could have gotten us into some sticky situations. We were new at this independence thing after all. (I remember once I got my foot stuck in a fence during recess, and it took me 20 minutes to get it out. Yikes!) But, it was through trial and error that we came to understand a little more about ourselves. So, amidst the sea of strangers, we stayed afloat and learned, in our own unique ways, how to thrive.

Therefore, the first day that the door shut on your kindergarten classroom was a big day indeed. It marked the beginning of a new era — an era full of learning and self-discovery.

With this new chapter came new obstacles and new triumphs. It’s a different world now.

Welcome to one of your first coming of age markers.

It’s not even sex!

So, what else is out there?

Until next time,

Alli D.