Space Mountain: I’m Seeing Light at The End of The Tunnel

You know when you start the Space Mountain ride at Disney, and you can’t see anything so you get a lil scared but hold on real tight, and it goes by fast and you hate it cause you’re nervous but then you love it cause adrenaline kicks in and then you see some light at the end? And it always ends up being the most amazing ride? Pretty much sums up my thoughts this semester.

I remember the first few weeks of school, I was tired of being a dancer. I started highly motivated to start school and happy to take academic classes but completely hating my dance classes. I needed fresh air and I probably needed to vent a bit. This is why I wanted to express how I felt at the moment and I thought of writing mostly about the “negative” things that go through my mind as a dancer. I remember telling you how I see this career path as a roller coaster, physically, mentally, and emotionally and how much our thoughts evolve through the course of the semester. But now I’m back on track and as I predicted, my mind has changed too. It’s week 7 and it’s Midterm season. My academic classes have been getting harder with so many due dates, midterms, and papers, that because of them, I find myself completely enjoying my dancing rather than hating it. Almost like when one part of my life gets tougher, I rely on the other outlet of expression I have, to heal and to release my stress.

Also, somehow, during this stressful moment in school, (pretty much these past few weeks) I decided to apply for a regular job and I haven’t really heard back from any… (TBH I know I didn’t get them b/c my resume is just dance stuff, so why would I even be considered? why would it be impressive that I was a principal dancer at BalletRED for 3 years and a guest artist at Gala de Danza for 6 if I don’t have any previous hosting experience or any other office experience?)
I was talking with Ben the other day (not Ben from class, but another Ben who’s interested in urban planning, loves to read in fact, he recently read a 700+ pg book about parking. ok so out of context sorry…) and I was telling him about how I was thinking I need to get a regular non-dance job so that I can realize how much I love what I do (I mean… also cause I need some money right? but you get what I'm tryin to say) I thought: “maybe when I get a job like that, that is part-time in which I barely make any money, I’ll understand why I was born to dance. Maybe the fact that I would have to sit in an office, follow orders and maybe occasionally use my creativity at some point, or maybe not… maybe then it’ll hit me, that I’m so lucky that I get to move my body and explore my creativity on a daily basis.”

But you know what, somehow the Universe made me apply and go through that process to realize that I do have something valuable to offer to the world. That my dancing career hasn’t been unnoticed, and that the hard work that I’ve put into this is now slowly rewarding me. No kidding, some opportunities were presented to me recently because I’m a dancer, and if I had gotten that hostess or that office job, I would’ve had to say no to those opportunities. I’m talking about getting personally invited by the choreographer who’s choreographing the new Steven Spielberg’s remake of West Side Story to the audition next week (but not the open call, the callback) and also getting paid to fly out to China for a dance gig the week after that… So yeah, this is when things started to click for me.

Dance is hard, and we often put in more work than what we are compensated for, but then opportunities like these come up and you gotta take em. Who knows what will happen, if I get to be in the movie or not, the fact that I’m at least getting considered means that I still have a shot in this tough world. That I shouldn’t get discouraged from not getting a regular job, because I have other things to offer and I’m an artist who needs to be doing that. I’m feeling so stressed in school still, but these new opportunities balance me out, and I feel at ease somehow.

Oh… and today is actually World Ballet Day and Kaufman decided to live stream our ballet class on Facebook this morning. My family tuned in and it was kind of embarrassing because my mom kept commenting in Spanish (Vamos gorda!, Que hermosa! Te amamos!) In case you don’t know what that means: (Go fatty! How gorgeous! We love you!) Lol… I think I may have to clarify my mom is not actually calling me fatty! “gorda” in spanish is like “nugget” or “cutie” so it’s a cute nickname, not an insulting one.

So reading this after class made me smile and actually realize that that was the highlight of my day. My parents are proud that I do what I love and that I’m at USC pursuing my dreams. Soo that felt nice. I got reminded of the reason why I’m here in the first place, and that tough times are temporary and there is always something bigger about to happen. Keep dreaming!

Love,

-M