The Early 20s Crisis
“Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood. 80% of life’s most defining moments take place by about age 35” (Dr. Meg Jay)
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You’re done with school. Congratulations! What are you doing next?
…
Do you know?
Suddenly, the path that has been etched out for you since you were 5, that path that assured you there would be another grade level to look forward to next year, disappears. In front of you is a wide-open field of, well, it’s a wide-open field.
And you may have anticipated that this field would be here. You may have prepared — reached out to people, studied what the field would be like, mapped out a course for yourself to take — but, you’ve never actually seen the field yourself.
So, when you finally reach this field, it may not turn out as planned. It may be bigger than you thought it would be. It may be smaller. It may have taller grass. Regardless, you now may not be able to follow that blueprint you’ve been creating for so many years while you were in school.
So, what do you do? Do you throw your plans to the wind and blindly trudge through the field, appreciating the flowers, insects, and everything else as you go? Or do you somehow try to salvage your blueprints and follow that walkway through the field as you always intended to, hoping that it doesn’t disappear before your eyes?
Well, I know one person that saw the field and just started walking. His first couple of stops in the field were to examine the dandelions — the temporary entities that drifted away in the wind with a blink of an eye. These were his part-time positions. He found himself working at a McDonald’s, in charge of the grill. He then drifted to work at a Hawaiian restaurant, buttoning his multicolored, flower shirt uniform every day to go work the lunch rush. He only had enough money to own one uniform, so it always smelled of grilled meats. But, it was fun. The exploration was worthwhile, and, when he told me about these dandelions, his eyes would light up, and he would laugh.
A couple of dandelions later, he found himself at a rock — a stable, grounded rock. This was his first full-time job, one he discovered through a friend. He was going to be a full-time software engineer. And, because he was tired of catching the drifting dandelions, he decided to stay at this rock indefinitely. He had found his place in the field, and the journey to it… well, it was a hoot and a half.
Another person I know took the other approach and tried to keep her blueprint. But, after walking a couple of steps, the path disappeared in front of her. She didn’t see any dandelions, she didn’t see any rocks… she just saw weeds. Weeds that crept around her feet, entangling her and taking her further and further away from her idealized path.
These weeds, ultimately, threw her in the direction of an anthill — a microcosm of interaction, productivity, and growth. This was graduate school. So, she spent her time here, learning more and broadening her horizons. When she told me about this time in her life, her eyebrows would furrow and her voice would tighten. I could tell that her initial blueprint meant a lot to her, and graduate school was not a part of it.
Regardless, after graduate school, she made her way back onto the field, and, perhaps due to her first experience, she ventured out without a blueprint this time. She just walked. Before long, she stumbled upon her own rock. It was the job she had written into her original blueprint — a mechanical engineering job. At last, she had found her place in the field. Her experience was also a hoot and a half, but a stressful one at that.
These two individuals are my parents.
Now, even though they both had different strategies going into the field, the results were ultimately similar. The field seemed to force spontaneity and uncertainty regardless of what mentality my folks had. They both ended up exploring aspects of the field that they never knew they would.
So, that makes one wonder, does preparation for the field really even matter? Surprises seem to be lined up at every turn anyway. Shouldn’t you just give into the chaos?
Maybe, in doing that, you’ll find the flower patch of your dreams.
So, embrace the confusion. It’s going to be the ride of your life.
Until next time,
Alli D.
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Want to hear another 20s experience? Check out Ima Ocon’s work:
