The Last Piece to Life’s Equation
The last piece to life’s equation is death. It is inevitable.
There are two reasons we are saddened by death. One, that the individual can no longer experience life’s events (major ones such as marriage or birth of a newborn baby) or even menial tasks (like getting gas, watching TV, or buying groceries). The second is our own sadness. We think about having to live the rest of our lives without this individual or that they will be missing events that we are a part of or create.
Why are we sad though when we now this will happen anyway?
Why are some people plagued for the rest of their lives by the death of a loved one or acquaintance and others seem to be unscathed by this occasion?
Why are those who express acceptance or indifference to death judged and mislabeled heartless?
Getting to know people is just more to lose, but do we let ourselves sit idle and not engage in life?
Funerals are now called “Celebrations of Life,” which I think is a conscious and subconscious decision by society to relabel death. Conscious, because it is the family’s decision to think of death in another way other than a loss; subconscious, because by practicing this, maybe we as a society can come to terms with this inevitability. Because it is so inescapable we must change the meaning of death. In altering our phrasing we can eventually start to envelope and believe in what we are saying.
We see coaches (all types of life coaches — professors, parents, in sports, therapists…etc) tell their players that they can do anything, to stop saying “I can’t.” There is a reason for this. Mind over matter.
There are different approaches to coming to terms with death (as a spectator or the player); religiously, scientifically, and ignorantly. Religion offers a higher power/explanation; it gives solace to the dying knowing there is an afterlife, that this is not the end. This again proves that through changing the script, they are not leaving this earth for no reason; they will carry on in another type of life and one day you can join them too. The scientific approach offers another type of explanation. The natural occurrence in life is to die, whether it is by old age or by human misfortune. The individual will then become part of the earth as the natural cycle of life, key word life, occurs. The last, “ignorance is bliss” approach. Maybe it is more about acceptance rather than ignorance. This approach is maybe not even blissful, but the individual will not let this natural event alter the rest of their life, to where they cannot enjoy their life without the deceased.
To think the person who was dying is no longer in pain offers us who live some comfort. To think they are now in their prime running around in heaven when they were immobile for years, give us comfort. Respectfully, but honestly, the death of an individual is not about them, but about us. “It’s not fair” Is it our ego that interjects?
Funerals are not for the dead but for those “left behind” who continue to live. Even though death is a part of life, we still treat it as if it were a defect. The emotions of the family are still reacting. In the meantime, until we as a society can learn that death is inevitable (that we truly believe this and do not just say it), we need to be there for the family after the fact, because they are the ones who matter at this point. This is not to negate the life the deceased has lived.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not heartless (like I said earlier, my ability to converse about this matter is not the consequence of being emotionless, correlation is not causation). I think it is important for health to accept, rather than reject, the idea of death, so that we as individuals can continue to live.
There is power in the mind to change the meaning of things. (Disclaimer: Unfortunately this is also used in brainwashing, but hey, it just comes to show that it works, right?).
Maybe my explanation is just another prescription …
