How to get pregnant without going crazy

Published in

CocoMusings

6 min readDec 6, 2018

For the past year and a half, I’ve spent every waking moment working on a system to help people trying to conceive. I know what you’re thinking, my dear sweet millennial reader: “It’s not hard to get pregnant! The hard part is not getting pregnant.”

Believe it or not, when you’re deliberately trying to conceive it can be very hard to do! That’s why the fertility industry is worth billions of dollars and growing. The chances of conceiving at any given time throughout a person’s menstrual cycle is actually around 30%, partially, because the chances of being in the “fertile window” are 10% on any given day. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a quick tour of the female reproductive system so you can see what I mean.

How babby formed?

Source: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/how-is-babby-formed

In order for a person to conceive, there must be a viable egg, uterus, and sperm. The egg (also known as ovum and oocyte) is released after the follicular phase, which starts on the first day of menstruation and ends with the release of a mature egg from an ovary. The release of an egg is typically triggered by two hormones: the rise of estrogen and surge of luteinizing hormone (LH). The egg can survive in the human body for about 24 hours; which is that magical day those trying to conceive are constantly trying to pinpoint and one component that significantly affects your chances.

There is a 2–3-day variability in the estimation of the actual day of ovulation. Based on a study that compared the actual day of ovulation by ultrasound with the peak day (LH surge) of the CEFM [ClearBlue Fertility Monitor], ovulation occurred on the 2 peak days and the subsequent high day 98% of the time, but never before the peak on the monitor (12).[source]

Here’s the next probabilistic drop-off, actually fertilizing the egg. If the egg is not fertilized by sperm while it’s viable, it will disintegrate or get absorbed back into the body. If the egg is fertilized by sperm while it is still viable, then it will travel about 3 days to the uterus and try to implant in the uterine lining. Once the the egg is fertilized it’s referred to as an embryo and the body starts to create human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG). HCG is the chemical you are testing for when you take a pregnancy test Despite the egg becoming an embryo, you’re not on the easy street to conception. The next hurdle for the embryo is implanting in the uterine wall and in many cases, the egg will not implant in the uterus. Worse still, sometimes the embryo will start to implant and get rejected. The traveling and implanting are two separate beasts that also affect your chances of conception. Seriously, it truly is a miracle that any of us actually made it through all of this.

Think positive baby-making thoughts

It’s recommended that you wait 2 weeks after the conception attempt to test for pregnancy. Of course, when impatiently trying to get pregnant, one might test earlier which has another set of challenges. And all if this is about getting pregnant, not staying pregnant; a very sensitive and challenging area all on it’s own. For the curious, this is an informative read about miscarriages.

Now that you know WHY baby making is actually pretty hard, let’s talk about what over a year of research can teach someone who’s trying to conceive.

What you can do to get pregante

It’s really about timing: increasing the number of times you try to conceive improves your chances. Think of it like playing the lottery, your chances improve by playing a bunch of different number as many times as possible. Similar instincts apply here, with the caveat that you can only play to win for 3 days every 20 to 45 or more days depending on a person’s menstrual cycle length.

If you have the access to sperm and the libido: Try to conceive two times a week.
If you can’t try that often, aim to try every other day for the five days before your predicted ovulation.
If you’re really casual about trying to conceive, aim a conception attempt three days before your predicted ovulation date.

That said, you’ll need to figure out when your ovulation date is, which requires you to know your shortest and average menstrual cycle length. You should know your shortest cycle so you don’t miss an early ovulation. You’re better off trying to conceive earlier in the cycle so the sperm goes through the necessary processes so that it can inseminate the egg. You can still try again later. Otherwise, you miss “the fertile window” and have to wait until the next cycle.

In only about 30% of women is the fertile window entirely within the days of the menstrual cycle identified by clinical guidelines — that is, between days 10 and 17. Most women reach their fertile window earlier and others much later. Women should be advised that the timing of their fertile window can be highly unpredictable, even if their cycles are usually regular. [source]

But I have a plan! I have to get pregnant in the next 2 months to stick to my 5-year-plan! — you say

As we discussed previously, this is a game of chance, so setting a deadline will, more likely than not, add stress to a situation that’s already stressful. There’s so little you control in your body, stress will not help. That said, if you’re the type of person that needs schedules and data to feel like you are in control, there is something you can do. The challenge will be exercising the self-control to not go over-board with it. “What’s this thing?”, you ask. Well…

Warning! Approaching an internet rabbit-hole

Source: http://disneywar.wikia.com/wiki/Portal

Pee on some sticks

Now that I’ve warned you, I’ll dive into the internet sub-culture of peeing on sticks also known as ovulation predictor kits or OPKs.

OPKs allow you to more accurately track and time your conception attempts because sticks can test for those 2 hormones that trigger ovulation: estrogen and LH. There is only 1 test, currently, on the market that actually tests for both hormones in one stick: ClearBlue Advanced Digital (CBAD) OPK. This test has a very confusing interface for it’s results but it provides the data you need so you don’t have to have waste your energy trying “for fun” two times a week or waste your sperm if you have limited supply. The other benefit of the CBAD tests is that they help you pinpoint when conception actually occurred to give a more realistic pregnancy week estimation.

Fun fact: When you go to the doctor’s office and they tell you how many weeks along you are, they count from the date of your missed period not when you actually got pregnant.

What NOT to do to get pregnant

<rant>
There’s another internet rabbit-hole that is part “quantified self” and part “old wives tale” with a religious following. The first couple of months I was conducting research in this space, I went down this rabbit-hole, too, as many aspiring mothers-to-be have done only to find that research indicates it’s not useful. Therefore, I’m not going to expose you to it further, in the hopes that you don’t stumble onto it and waste your time collecting data that will not increase your chances of conceiving and may cost you anywhere from $10-$250. And please, for your mental health, try to avoid Reddit TTC forums.
</rant>