A Practical Guide to Getting Along with Developers

Observe: Developers in their natural habitat.

by Flannery Jefferson

Most commonly found in urban centres, the Developer is a friendly and peaceable being.

Although easy to get along with, be wary of annoying Developers. They often have access to all your passwords and secure data.

Here are the basic guidelines for peaceful coexistence:

No sudden movements.

Developers are easily startled.

Always announce your presence before entering a room. Move slowly and make no sudden movements.

This is especially important before noon, when your average Developer will be extremely caffeinated.

Email. Do not call.

Developers dislike phone conversations. They are visual creatures and are thus irritated by talking people that cannot be seen.

If the lights are turned off, assume that this is intentional.

It is not uncommon to find eight Developers working in silence in a dark room. It is understandable to think you are being helpful by turning a light on. However this will not be appreciated.

Also, do not ask why the lights are off.

Offer food.

Candy is a good go-to. Get lots of different kinds.

When discussing browsers (and you will discuss browsers), agree that Internet Explorer is the worst.

It is important to understand that Developers have been deeply scarred by the trials of rendering pages on Internet Explorer. To this day they live in fear of having outdated IE browsers ruining their work.

To be respectful of this painful history with IE, always agree that it sucks.

Do not ask them to “fix your email”.

…also do not ask why the printer is doing that weird thing again.

Have I missed anything?