Why all expecting parents should consider shared parental leave
How many men do you know who’ve taken more than their statutory 2 weeks paternity leave? Now how many of them took shared parental leave (SPL)? If you can count them on one hand, you aren’t alone.
Apparently, only around 2% of eligible men are taking it. That’s why we sat down with our Chief Product Officer, Joe Tinston to see why he decided to take SPL and hear more about his experience.
Describe yourself in one sentence?
I’m a proud dad to Zoe (almost 5) and Oscar (15 months), husband to Amelia and the Chief Product Officer at Bloom & Wild.
Tell us about your journey to parenthood
I’ve always enjoyed spending time with kids, so I’ve known for a long time that I wanted to have my own (I’m a bit of a child at heart really). We were fortunate that when Amelia & I talked about having children, SPL had recently been introduced. And we’d already agreed that we wanted to do things equally. In fact, she insisted on it as a condition of having children.
What led you to take shared parental leave?
Equality and fairness are important values to me and this means that Amelia and I have always tried to make sure we balance our responsibilities. We wanted this to extend into our roles as parents too — particularly as this is often the point that gender inequality really starts to widen. Typically, women take on additional unpaid work as well as the mental load of caring for children.
I also wanted to build close relationships with my children and spend time with them from an early age. When both mother and father have been involved in caring for their children from the start, it makes it much easier to carry this into the future. I’d seen this in my relationship with my daughter Zoe after taking off 6 months when she was a baby. So it was important for me to do the same with Oscar (only fair to them both, after all).
And lastly, I wanted to show others that sharing parental leave is possible, as I think this is how I can play my part in changing gender roles in childcare. Only 2% of men currently take any shared parental leave which feels like a huge missed opportunity.
How did people react to your decision?
Generally, the reaction was overwhelmingly and unfairly positive. Usually the expectation is for the mother to do the majority of childcare in the first year. So when I took time off, I received an unfair amount of praise from people for effectively doing my fair share of parenting.
The reaction from men was either “I wish I could do that but…” or “I could never do that because work is my break from the kids”. For the “wish I could but” crowd, the excuses ranged from it being a bad time in their career, that their company or team couldn’t cope without them, that they’d miss out on a promotion or they worried they wouldn’t have a job to come back to. Many of which are the same concerns that women have when thinking about having children. But they’re expected to make these sacrifices, with the added pressure of having kids before a certain age.
Bloom & Wild and my manager (our CEO Aron) were incredibly supportive of me taking shared parental leave — helping me with all of the admin in setting it up as well as building a plan so that my team were well supported during my time off.
What prep was required?
The biggest challenge in taking SPL is often financial and this was the case for us too. Unfortunately, most companies don’t offer any enhanced SPL for those taking leave during the second 6 months of a baby’s life. This meant that our biggest preparation was saving enough money so that Amelia and I could survive on a single salary for a year. She’s a self-employed consultant so she also didn’t receive any enhanced maternity pay.
We were incredibly privileged to be able to save this money over time and by planning far in advance we could put aside enough each month. I was also fortunate to benefit from Bloom & Wild’s enhanced paternity leave policy when Oscar was born as well as selling some of my Bloom & Wild options (which unusually is made possible by the company at almost any time) to fund my SPL.
This financial barrier is a key challenge in increasing the proportion of men taking SPL in the workplace (and a great opportunity for government intervention to improve gender equality).
The other thing I needed to prepare for was finding someone to cover my role and support my team while I was away. It needed to be someone I trusted to look after them and who would continue to drive things forward. And I was incredibly lucky that I had the wonderful Amy, our VP Digital in Digital Marketing & Research to do this.
How was your return to work?
The return to work was a bit of a shock to the system — switching from pushing a pram around the park during lockdown to sitting in front of a screen on video calls most of the day was a big change.
It helped that I did ‘Keep in Touch’ days while off with Aron, our CEO and my manager, and Amy, my SPL cover. I also joined our company’s monthly meetings. This meant I had good context for what was happening and knew what to expect when I returned to work.
I was fortunate enough to be promoted to Chief Product Officer when I returned. It’s something that I really value about our company — that it continues to support people’s progress even when they are taking time off to be with their family.
The most rewarding part is being asked about SPL by others at work. Hopefully, it means that more people at Bloom & Wild may feel like they can share parental leave with their partners.
What’s your biggest takeaway from this experience?
By taking SPL, Amelia and I have set ourselves up to parent equally in the future. It’s something we’ve kept up even after returning to work. Simple things like me being the primary point of contact for nursery (because I signed them up and settled them in) and washing the reusable nappies. And because of it all, we’re a stronger team and have a more equal relationship — and both have fulfilling and enjoyable jobs too.
What’s your top tip for other families who are considering sharing their parental leave?
My top tip is to talk openly about it and start planning early so that you can tackle practical things (like saving to take the time off). But even if you aren’t able to take 6 months off, then maybe consider even taking a few weeks or a couple of months where you are looking after the children on your own.
