Things To Do When Your Friends Are At A Hackathon (And You’re Not)
The club culture in my college is more prevalent than it should be. We have clubs and chapters the same way American unis have frats and sororities. The difference is the lack of booze-filled jamborees and an immense amount of red tape to get approvals needed for something as small as a YouTube session.
A college club is like a person you find interesting at a party.
There’s a red-haired person who’s the life of the party. They are grooving to the beats with steps that everyone is trying to copy (Dance Club)
Then there’s one getting annoyed by the wrong spellings on the karaoke machine (Literary Club)
At this party, the person I liked the most was the one sitting in a corner trying to fix their friend’s phone that fell a while ago (Tech Club). There are two ways of asking someone out. You either hit that sweet spot and talk about their subject of expertise (technical domain), or you act pretentious (management domain). I was shit at fixing phones, or well, coding.
But the way I presented myself impressed this person enough to let me go out with them. And I ended up in the best tech club in my college.
I heaved a sigh of relief. This was a fresh break from having to interact with the average stereotypically socially ignorant and clueless engineer. These people were definitely not clueless. I was having the time of my life, socialising with the coolest bunch of kids.
So this fine day I came back from the boring classes to my hostel room, looking forward to the better part of my day. I went to my friend’s room only to find that it was locked. I called him up. It turned out that all of them went to participate in a hackathon.
Hackathons are social coding events where developers come together to solve various problems. To me, it sounded like a Model United Nations event, where a bunch of pretentious and privileged kids come together acting as emissaries of various nations to discuss and solve problems on a worldwide scale in their little auditoriums and take home their cute trophies and certificates which they pay for (yes, the problems are too many to keep a count of).
However, I came to realise that hackathons have a more practical edge to them. You can see a lot of ideas developed and implemented in hackathons that are deployed as products and projects in the real world.
Coming back to the tale of your beloved writer, this was the loneliest I had felt in weeks. I felt hapless and helpless. Everyone around me was good at something. Some people were the best at coding, some were the best at designing, and some who were the best at having fun. I was not passionate enough about coding or designing, and not rich enough to have fun.
Loneliness does not hit you like a train. It slowly shadows you, in stages.
Stage 1: Shock
Stage 2: Pain and Guilt
Stage 3: Anger and Bargaining
Stage 4: Acceptance and Hope
After the 4th stage, I had had enough. I was determined to become a man of knowledge. I spent the next 3 days looking over various topics and ideas, but it was nothing solid. I was just wandering around on the internet. If only I had someone who could tell me what to do when my friends are at a hackathon.
This guide will most definitely help you become a tech guru overnight.
Step 1: Learn the ancient art of Nap-Fu
Kung-Fu is a very well-known martial art. But the word Kung-Fu literally means any skill or discipline that can be achieved through hard work.
Nap-Fu, a word with an obviously similar etymology, has been a form of relaxation technique that originated in China in the 16th century. It involves a mixture of various breathing techniques such as the 4–7–8 and biofeedback to help your mind achieve inner peace.
Okay yeah, I made all of that up, but what you can definitely do, is find out who amongst your friends has the comfiest bed, and take advantage of their absence. You will need this nap because the journey ahead will not be easy by any means.
You are a tech guru in the making.
Step 2: Figure out the jargon
Congratulations, you have now mastered the sacred art of Nap-Fu.
Now if there’s one thing that has made a person seem savvy, it’s the use of daunting vocabulary. Make yourself acclimated to buzzwords like “Cloud”, “IOT”, “Blockchain” etc.
Trust me, if you get through this part, it will be relatively smooth sailing from here on in. Nothing like a person intimidating everyone by talking about the latest trends in tech.
Step 3: Modify your wardrobe
Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.
To be a proper tech guru, you need to look the part too.
We will have to go with the cliches here. Get that oversized hoodie out (make sure you wear the hoodie on the top of your head 24x7). Pyjamas would go really well with it. The best part? You won’t have to focus on the colour combination. Purple hoodie with white pyjamas? Go for it. (This combination slaps now that I think of it, but whatever).
You can add that extra ooze of nonchalance by wearing a pair of slides instead of shoes. To top it off, if you do not wear spectacles, try to get powerless spectacles, preferably with big frames.
That’s it, you are almost halfway there my friend. Just sit tight, and you’ll reach the destination soon enough.
Step 4: Set up your LinkedIn profile
LinkedIn claims to connect the world’s professionals to make them more productive and successful.
But for me, LinkedIn was a place scarier than the Bermuda Triangle. This Bermuda Triangle was a stream of never-ending self-promotions with empty and pointless connections where you eventually get lost in a pool of self-loathe. But to solidify your status as a tech guru, we need a strong online presence.
You can start by writing a bio. Googling pretentious terms will certainly help as it will make you look more desirable and knowledgeable. You can then write stories about how you started in the tech industry as an outsider having no knowledge of tech, and claim that you are now a person of immense knowledge. Try to talk in more general terms, this will make uncovering your facade more difficult. You can also thank your friends and family for their support in your journey.
Step 5: Start your own YouTube channel
You should start by passionately discussing trending tech topics while sprinkling in nonsensical advice. In other videos, you can attempt to solve problems using vague and often unrelated methods. For example, blowing on cables to “refresh the connection.” Mind you, the goal is not to actually fix anything but to maintain the illusion of expertise.
Remember to ask the viewers to like, subscribe, and share the videos to establish an aura of legitimacy.
Step 6: Attend Tech Events
You have nearly ticked all the boxes to become a tech guru. The one final step remaining is to create a physical presence in tech events. You can mingle with the pros and talk about anything, even if you have no idea what’s going on. Throw in that jargon you learned a while ago. Show off your online profiles. They will be bamboozled.
If someone asks you what you are working on, remember the 2 technologies mantra.
You can follow this with a vague nod and a mysterious smile.
You have now successfully become a tech guru.
Show your friends returning from the hackathon the progress you made overnight (shoutout to The Matrix and Kung-Fu Panda). Earn their admiration and win at life.
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This blog is obviously satirical. Needless to say, do not take this seriously. If you are pursuing a field without much interest, trust me, it is never too late. You can refer to a career counsellor or other appropriate online sources.
However, if you are a nerd who’s on the other spectrum of engineering reading this piece with that condescending smirk on your face, you might be interested in a hackathon that’s perhaps one of the largest student-run hackathons in the country (yes, students in college clubs try to throw around big words to retain a heightened sense of self-importance).
