Balancing Life and Career
There are a lot of guides out there about how to maintain a good career/life balance. Some also add the distinction between life as a partner and life as a parent. I feel strongly about this topic and so, will be sharing with you, dear readers, my personal take.
First off, you rock. Not simply because you are reading this (although that doesn’t hurt), but because you care about your balance. Good for you. It’s a good thing that you rock, because this balance (especially in fast moving cities such as NYC or San Francisco) is hard to maintain.
Don’t have a SO or kids? Then I am impressed that you are forward thinking enough to even read this post right now. :-)
There are three things to be balancing in my opinion, and I list these in order of their importance to me: Wife, family, career. I think of them as the three ends of a triangle, and like many corporate triangle metaphors, oftentimes you ‘pick two’ of the three and focus on getting those right. It is not possible to be A+ at all three at the same time — just make sure you aren’t starving one of the three. I find that involving my kids (boy, aged 12; girl, aged 6) in my thinking around this balance actually helps. In my case, the 12 year old is a bit more aware of this struggle than the 6 year old, but hey, YMMV.
Why Should I Care?
You might wonder, why bother maintaining a balance? I’ll tell you why. Your relationship with your self and your SO is, IMO, most important to have solid. Your self-esteem is driven by this relationship — it powers your abilities as a parent and a colleague. Your kids can help you see the world through a more pure and positive light, and can help you to become more self aware. Careers are oftentimes stressful, and having support from family is a crucial component in being able to ride out the lean times at work.
Be a Better Partner
Wife, husband, partner, SO. Your most important relationship after the one in the mirror, so, make sure to care and feed it. If you are a parent and you are not currently having date nights, you have my permission to stop reading this post immediately and take him/her out. :-)
Remember, you can’t do ‘dinner and a movie’ forever — variety is the spice of life. Think outside of the box every now and then. Don’t worry, your partner knows you aren’t very cultured and will appreciate any effort you make.
You cannot serve your children if you aren’t serving yourself. Your relationship with your partner is the one your kids will model in their lives more than any other, so consider how your relationship appears to them. Kids have a nose for troubled relationships, and many troubled relationships start with slacking off on self care / date nights. Don’t be that guy. You are better than that.
Be a Better Parent
Be an active parent in your children’s lives. If you are actively involved with their schooling, your children will notice and they will place more importance on school themselves. Have a specific connection between you and each of your children, something that only you and s/he does together, and it will create lasting, positive memories in your child.
I bond with my son over Minecraft, the MCU and his favorite YouTube channels. My daughter and I play board games and tea parties together, and we have a bedtime routine/ceremony that we look forward to.
I treasure the moments I spend with my children, and they support me when work becomes difficult. Get to know your children — after all, isn’t that why you had them in the first place?
Sometimes you won’t be able to make that ballet recital, or baseball game, because of work. That will happen no matter how devoted a Dad you are — you just can’t be in multiple places at the same time. However, if you have included your children in the career/life balance conversation, there is a greater chance your child will understand why Dad can’t be there.
Be a Better Colleague
Sometimes you won’t be able to make that meeting. And that’s OK too. When you have a good career/life balance, you will need to optimize your time spent in the office, which is actually a really good thing — you will look even more sharp when seen in the office/in meetings. When someone has a good balance, they look healthier. Remember also, scarcity can be a good thing. You don’t want to be too predictable in the office — to do your best work, you will need to own your schedule. Having a life balance dovetails nicely with this.
I like to bring my children into the office at least a few days a year. I also help to organize Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day at the office. Coming to the office helps kids understand what Dad does all day, and it sets a good example for them as to what their own future work environment might look. When other parents in the office see your children, oftentimes you will bond with them over child rearing topics. If you are open minded, you could learn new parenting tips and techniques from your colleagues.
Conclusion
It isn’t easy to keep a healthy career/life balance, and you will fail at times at it. OK, you will fail a lot of times. That’s OK, though. Honestly, the only real way to fail is to choose no balance. You wouldn’t do that, though, would you? I mean, you’ve read this far… time to put this advice to use and go for it! You can do this. I know you can.
