What I was reminded of by a Palestinian Christian this week
“You know Cody, you go to school, and everybody takes a course on public speaking. But nobody is forced to take a course in public listening,” said my co-worker Antwan Saca when I asked him about his work with Israeli settlers. He continued, “Yes, as a Palestinian it is hard to listen to the stories sometimes.Yes, there are times when I want to get up and leave. But I stay and listen. I stay because I remind myself that behind their message, there is their own pain they are dealing with.”
After a decade of being here, more or less jaded and cynical, I knew he was giving me an authentic moment. After all, we’re co-workers. He wasn’t trying to sell me on an idea, get me to sign up to a newsletter, or talk me into making a donation. He was just telling me how he deals with trying to navigate the often difficult conversations that come with the terrain of living in the land that unceremoniously boasts of the longest running military occupation.
There is a lot of wisdom in that, and many ways run against the current of the dominant messaging in the United States, whether from the left or the right.
For Antwan, it isn’t just about the dignity and respect he holds for himself in taking this approach, but the utility of the principle. For him, looking at the other and trying to listen and understand with compassion, reaching out towards their pain and understanding it for what it is rather than comparing it to his trauma, isn’t about appeasing them, but about creating an open space where people can be heard and understood.
When I look at the conversations, we are having around President Donald Trump, whether from the left or the right, more often than night, I see unhealthy conversations where others viewpoints aren’t acknowledged.
I remember being in college at Mid-Michigan Community College and I had this English Professor Lucia Elden who was an absolute magician at acknowledging people’s responses and thoughts, no matter how absurd it was and it never felt like appeasement to the student. She never belittled people in the classroom, but rather found ways to intersect our thoughts, whether it was on the emotional or intellectual levels, and from that, we had an open space to understand each other and grow closer. For her, there was an equal premium put on the process of working towards understanding and in the truth.
Or explained in another way, my mother still reminds me, “Cody, you can be as right as right can be, but still be wrong.” She drilled home the message that it matters as much how I say something and when I say something as much as what I say.
A different guy said it like this, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
If we are going to move forward in any direction, whether from the left or the right, these principles will have to be at the heart of our message, lest it falls on deaf ears.
