A Tale About the Always Elusive Coffee in Your Office Kitchen

Once upon a time, in a bustling office building, there was a mysterious phenomenon that baffled employees across all floors. No matter what time of day, day of the week, or season of the year, there was never any coffee available in the office kitchens. People would come in with their thermoses, mugs, and desperate need for caffeine, only to be greeted by empty carafes and barren countertops. The employees began to wonder: why was there never any coffee available in the office kitchens?

One day, a new employee named Samantha was hired. She was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and eager to make a good impression. She arrived at the office bright and early on her first day, ready to dive into her work. But as she made her way to the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee, she noticed that there was none to be found. She asked around, but nobody seemed to know why. As the days passed, Samantha began to notice a pattern. Every time she went to the kitchen, the coffee was always gone. It didn’t matter if she went first thing in the morning or late at night; the coffee was always missing. She started to become obsessed with the mystery. She would sneak into the kitchen at odd hours of the day and night, hoping to catch whoever was responsible for the missing coffee.

One evening, Samantha decided to stay late to finish up some work. She was the last one in the office, and as she sat at her desk, she heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen. It sounded like someone was shuffling around, trying to be quiet. She tiptoed over to the kitchen and peeked inside. To her surprise, she saw a group of tiny creatures running around the kitchen, frantically trying to clean up spilled coffee beans. They were about the size of mice, with fluffy tails and big round ears. Samantha rubbed her eyes, thinking she was hallucinating, but when she looked again, they were still there. The tiny creatures seemed to be having a grand old time, giggling and chattering to each other as they ran around the kitchen.

Samantha watched in amazement as they climbed up onto the countertops, tumbled into the sink, and scampered back and forth across the floor. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Suddenly, one of the creatures looked up and spotted her. It froze in its tracks, staring at her with its big round eyes. She didn’t know what to do. She was so startled that she didn’t know whether to scream or run away.

But then the creature spoke. “Hey there, human!” it chirped in a high-pitched voice. “What are you doing here?” Samantha was too stunned to speak. She just stared at the tiny creature, wondering if she had finally gone insane. The creature continued, “We’re the Coffee Gnomes. We’re responsible for making sure that there’s never any coffee available in the office kitchens.” Samantha’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You mean to tell me that you’re why we never have coffee?” The Coffee Gnome nodded its head. “That’s right. We’re here to make sure that nobody gets too addicted to caffeine. It’s bad for your health, you know.” Samantha couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “But…but why?” she stammered. The Coffee Gnome shrugged its tiny shoulders. “It’s just the way things are. We’ve been doing this for generations. It’s our job to keep people from drinking too much coffee.” Samantha was incredulous. “But what about the people who need coffee to function?” The Coffee Gnome smiled. “Oh, we take care of them”. Samantha was perplexed. “What do you mean, you take care of them?” The Coffee Gnome explained, “Well, we leave a few coffee beans behind, just enough for people to brew a cup or two. And when someone really needs a caffeine fix, we sometimes leave a little note with a riddle or a puzzle on it. If they solve the riddle or puzzle, they get to choose one of our secret stash of coffee beans.” Samantha couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re like a bunch of caffeine-depriving fairies.” The Coffee Gnome grinned. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. But we take our job very seriously. We’ve been doing this for hundreds of years. We’ve never let anyone get too addicted to coffee.” Samantha shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I’m talking to a coffee gnome.” The Coffee Gnome looked around the kitchen nervously. “Hey, you should probably go. If the boss finds out you saw us, she’ll be furious.” Samantha nodded and turned to leave, but then she had an idea. “Wait! Before I go, can I ask you something?” The Coffee Gnome looked up at her expectantly. Samantha continued, “Can I ask you for a favor?” The Coffee Gnome hesitated. “I don’t know. What kind of favor?” Samantha explained, “Well, I have this big presentation tomorrow, and I really need to stay up late tonight to work on it. But I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep before I’m done. Is there any way you could leave me a coffee bean with a puzzle on it?” The Coffee Gnome thought for a moment, then nodded. “Okay, I’ll do it. But you have to promise not to tell anyone you saw us.” Samantha nodded eagerly. “I promise. Thank you so much!” The Coffee Gnome scurried away, disappearing into a crack in the wall. Samantha waited a few minutes, then left the kitchen and returned to her desk.

As the night wore on, Samantha worked feverishly on her presentation. She was starting to get tired, but she kept pushing herself, knowing she had to finish. Finally, around midnight, she hit a wall. She was too tired to go on. Just as she was about to pack up and go home, she noticed a tiny piece of paper sitting on her desk. It was no bigger than a postage stamp and had a tiny riddle written on it. Samantha smiled. She knew exactly what this was. She pulled out a magnifying glass and studied the riddle. After a few minutes of pondering, she figured it out. The answer was “coffee bean.” Samantha looked around nervously, then reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny ziplock bag. Inside the bag was a single coffee bean. She had been carrying it with her all day, just in case she needed it. She grinned to herself as she brewed a cup of coffee, savoring the rich, delicious aroma. She couldn’t believe she had outsmarted the Coffee Gnomes. She finished her presentation in record time and went home, feeling victorious.

Samantha arrived at the office early the next day, feeling well-rested and energized. She went to the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee, and to her surprise, there was a fresh pot waiting for her. She poured herself a cup and looked around the kitchen, wondering if she would see any of the Coffee Gnomes. But everything was quiet. She smiled to herself, knowing that she had outsmarted them once again.

From that day onwards, Samantha hoped to catch another glimpse of the Coffee Gnomes every time she entered the kitchen; she would look around, trying to spot them in their hiding places, and she even started leaving little notes for them, hoping to get a response. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t catch them in the act like she did that evening. She started to wonder if the whole thing had been a figment of her imagination or if the Coffee Gnomes had simply moved on to another office.

Then, one day, Samantha arrived at the office to find a strange sight in the kitchen. There were coffee beans scattered all over the floor, and the coffee machine had been unplugged and dragged to the other side of the room. Samantha was stunned. She quickly picked up the coffee beans and tried to brew a pot of coffee, but the machine wouldn’t turn on. Just as she was about to give up, she heard a tiny voice behind her. “Hey, what are you doing with our coffee beans?” Samantha turned around to see a group of Coffee Gnomes standing on the counter, staring at her with wide eyes. They were back. “Um, I was just trying to make some coffee,” Samantha said nervously. The Coffee Gnomes shook their heads disapprovingly. “No, no, no. You can’t just go around taking our coffee beans like that. We have rules, you know.” Samantha was taken aback. “Rules? What rules?” The Coffee Gnomes explained that there was a strict protocol for distributing the coffee beans. Only certain people were allowed to receive them under certain circumstances. Samantha had violated that protocol by taking a coffee bean without permission. She felt embarrassed. She had never thought about the Coffee Gnomes’ rules before. She apologized profusely and promised never to take a coffee bean again without permission. The Coffee Gnomes forgave her and even gave her a few beans as a token of their forgiveness.

From that day, Samantha never did catch the coffee gnomes in the act again. Still, she knew they were always watching, ensuring everyone got enough caffeine to get through the day and not a drop extra.

And this is why there is never coffee in the kitchen offices when you think you need some of this beautiful tasting and most consumed psychoactive substance in the world.

Now you know! Good morning!