27 Weird Laws That Need Amending
The law books, like many other areas of our life, tend to get a little outdated. Legal dust bunnies gather in the pages of long-forgotten laws. If lawmakers wanted to make a bundle in state fines, all they would have to do is arrest an unsuspecting civilian for one of the following obscure and weird laws. The state might be awarded the fine if the judge can stop laughing long enough to bring down the gavel.
Keep It Hygienic!
1. In Vermont, women must obtain permission from their husbands before wearing false teeth. Bite me, baby.
2. In Tennessee, you need to keep your eye on the law books. It is illegal to sell your eyeball.
3. In Arizona, it is illegal to allow your ass to sleep in the tub… your donkey, that is. The other is perfectly legal.
4. Did you have Italian for lunch? In Indiana, if you had garlic or onions to eat, you are prohibited from attending a public event or using public transportation for 4 hours.
5. In Rhode Island, storekeepers cannot sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same person on a Sunday.
6. In Pennsylvania, it is illegal for women to hide dirt under the rugs. (Because we all know that women spend a lot of time just hiding dirt under rugs).
Dress Codes
1. In North Carolina, a woman must be swathed in at least 16 yards of fabric when in public (Because we all know it is so frigid in North Carolina that the extra layers are needed).
2. In New York City, a woman can be fined $25 for wearing body-hugging clothing. Seems like the city should be making a mint off of that law.
3. Are your nylons giving you the slip? You can forget adjusting them in public in Texas. Doing so will earn you a 12-month stay in prison. That’s right, go directly to jail, do not pass go, and you still have unadjusted nylons to contend with.
4. Who can pass up a good shoe sale? You better if you want patent leather shoes in Ohio. According to one of their laws, it is illegal for women to wear those shiny shoes because it tempts men to look at women’s feet.
5. Speaking of beauty, if you are intending on changing your hairstyle in Michigan, then you must have your husband’s permission since your hair is considered his property.
6. Ladies in Florida may be giggling at Michigan’s laws, but if you live in Florida and fall asleep under the hair dryer, you could incur a heavy fine.
Animals
1. There are lots of fabulous things to see in Alaska. Be sure to grab a picture, but be careful. If you wake a sleeping bear to take his picture then you are breaking a law. Frankly, I think if you are close enough to wake up a bear, then you have bigger problems to deal with.
2. Frog jumping contests are popular in… California? Well, according to one of their laws, if your frog dies in a jumping contest then it is illegal for you to eat it. Sorry, no frog legs for supper tonight, honey.
3. In North Carolina, elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. That’s too bad, since there is such an abundance of elephants in North Carolina.
4. In Kentucky, you can’t dye your duckling blue and sell it unless more than six are for sale at the same time. Apparently, any other color, such as purple or chartreuse, is fine and you can sell your duckling as a single.
5. Speaking of ducks, it is illegal in Minnesota to cross state lines with a duck on your head. Now there’s a fashion statement.
6. Need to drive somewhere? Fine, just as long as you be careful of the laws. You cannot drive your camel on the highway in Nevada. Don’t do it. Use another mode of transportation to do grocery shopping.
7. And whatever you do, don’t ever drive in Missouri with your bear uncaged in the car (Drat, there go my Saturday plans).
Common Sense
1. In New Jersey, it is against the law for a man to knit during fishing season. We wouldn’t want an epidemic of dropped stitches during the scintillating activity of watching the fish not bite.
2. Speaking of hunting, be careful if you are in Oregon. It is illegal to hunt in the cemeteries there. That is good news for the undead, who now have a conservation area to feel safe in.
3. Are you musically inclined? Do you like to swim? Those two should not be mixed in West Virginia where it is illegal to whistle underwater. Underwater basket weaving, however, is approved.
4. If you like to take pictures, be careful in Wyoming. It is illegal to take pictures of rabbits from January to April. Perhaps the flashes damage their eyes and then they have to eat more carrots, which in turn causes a shortage for the supermarkets?
5. Learn proper pronunciation because it is illegal to mispronounce “Arkansas” in that state.
6. In Kansas, a law states that if two trains meet on the same track, neither can proceed until the other has passed. What?
7. In Georgia, it is illegal to keep an ice cream cone in your back pocket on Sundays. Apparently doing so on any other day is perfectly normal for them.
8. Sorry to the women in Florida, but it is illegal for you to parachute on a Sunday.
There are many more outdated, outmoded, and weird laws that should, like the national budget, be cleaned up and streamlined in order to make sense. The lesson here is always be advised of the laws of the land. That way, if you get arrested for interdigitating in public in Massachusetts, you’ll at least understand why the judge is laughing and throwing the case out of court.
