4 Things Young People Should Learn Before Moving Out
The dynamic of families changes all the time. I remember having newborns in the house and existing in survival mode. My days and nights consisted of feedings and diaper changes. When our twins were born, we had 3 children ages 2 and under. Sleep was scarce for the first three months. Meals were an afterthought. And clean clothes? Forget about it. My husband and I have had seven children. It is safe to say we have had a fair share of learning about parenting. It is also safe to say that we are still learning.
One of the first lessons we learned as parents was that nothing lasts forever. That colicky baby does eventually calm down. Babies do eventually learn to sleep through the night. Over time, sleep patterns become normal, eating times regulate, and life takes on a semblance of sanity. However, don’t ever think you have it all figured out. Just when one stage becomes comfortably, it changes to something else. Babies learn to crawl, then walk. Next thing you know the toddler is getting ready for school. The stages of life can come at a parent quickly. The trick is to try and be prepared for the change. Recognize it is coming and do your best to emotionally adjust before it can trip you up.
Over the last year, our family has changed in dynamics a great deal. One child has gotten married. Recently another moved out. A third is away at college. In hindsight, I can see gaps in what we taught our children because the day of their leaving the nest seemed far away. Some life lessons we covered; others we missed. With four more children yet to make their way solo out into the world, I can pass on some tidbits of wisdom.
One of the most common reasons for moving out is that the young person doesn’t want to abide by the rules of their parents. That could be a sign that it is time for the birdie to spread its wings. However, the decision should never be made in the heat of a moment or guided by emotions. It should be a well-thought-out plan, involving both the parents and the child. Young person, did you really think through all the ramifications of moving out on your own? If so, fabulous! If not, here are a few things for you to think about, and plan for.
1. Make a Budget
Guess what? When you move out you are 100% responsible for your own finances. That means everything. Is the fridge empty? It won’t fill itself. You will have to go to the grocery store and pay for the food you eat. You will soon find out how expensive it is to purchase organic food, vitamins, and house supplies. All those times you heard Mom and Dad saying “Don’t waste that! Eat it!” will begin to make sense. In order to prepare for the real world, start writing down everything that you eat, drink, or use in the house.
Don’t forget to add utilities in there. Internet service costs money. So does your cell phone. How about car insurance? You won’t be on Mom and Dad’s anymore. The same goes for health insurance. It all adds up. The key is to figure out how much you are making, and how much you project you will be spending.
Now let’s talk about the biggie: rent. The general rule of thumb is that you should be making around three times as much as what your rent costs. Are you getting sticker shock yet? That’s okay. We’ve all been there and survived (for the most part).
So, how can you start to prepare for this? The obvious answer is to start paying rent to your parents. They may not require the one-third of your paycheck but paying rent to your parents will help you be in the habit of planning ahead for a significant bill every month. Even with the omission of paying for utilities, paying rent to your parents will quickly teach you about the reality of money in the adult world. Disposable income? Forget about it.
2. Paperwork
No one likes this part. Well, some do, but I suspect that is the result of inhaling too many ink fumes. Before a young person moves out on their own, they should be able to fill out all insurance forms on their own. They should also be able to handle doing their own taxes or getting the proper paperwork to an accountant to have it done. If they don’t know how to do those things, then they should be willing to call 1–800 numbers provided to find out.
3. Maintenance
From the time our children are toddlers up until they move out, we tell them, “If you make a mess, clean it up.” That has worked better with some of the children than with others. I laugh because the ones who move out on their own and haven’t learned that principle are in for a big awakening. Guess what, honey? Mom is not coming over to do your laundry, cooking, or cleaning. That weird smell coming from the hamper? That is all you, baby. Do you have something in the back of your fridge that looks like a science project gone wrong? Have at it. Did your internet go out? Guess who gets to spend an hour on the phone trying to talk to someone who understands English? Not your Mom. Not your Dad.
Car maintenance is all yours too. Now you, young adult, must keep track of when your registration is up, inspection is due, and when to change the oil. You get to worry about the tires, gas, and fluids. You also get to detail clean, vacuum and wash your car. Free time? Forget about it.
4. Independence Takes Work
Nothing comes for free. When a young adult moves out on their own they soon realize that bills arrive in the mail with alarming frequency. They find out that home-cooked meals take a long time to prepare. They can’t just come down from their rooms where they had been watching YouTube with their earbuds to a great meal. You may not be able to go to your friend’s house because your shower is gross and needs a good cleaning, your laundry has taken over, and the dust bunnies have developed into creatures that would have rivaled the dinosaurs. Your weekend may turn into taking care of paperwork, paying bills, vacuuming the car, and cleaning the house.
One of the biggest lessons young people need to learn before moving out is that being an adult doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want. Do you really think independence is free from responsibility? Your parents have worked hard to be independent, and that is why they get to make the rules in their castle. Until you are ready to accept that being an adult is more than living your own life, don’t think about moving out. If you are not mature enough to decide to move out in a reasonable manner and plan ahead financially, then don’t take that step.
Forget about it.
