7 Weird and Funny Pregnancy Anecdotes
(Trigger Warning: This article discusses some mildly graphic aspects of pregnancy, such as unpleasant side effects. It also discusses reactions to forgetting an anti-depressant medication.)
You never fully understand some things in life until you experience them firsthand. Pregnancy is definitely one of those things. You can read about things you may experience, but when you finally have a story to tell about it, that’s when the real fun begins! So, here are a few things that I thought would amuse anyone in need of reassurance, or simply a good laugh at my expense:
- “Preggy Brain” at the Supermarket.
Okay, so I’m sure I’m not the only person this has happened to, but this was still embarrassing nonetheless. For anyone who doesn’t know, “Pregnancy Brain” is what they call it when a pregnant woman becomes incredibly forgetful. Even if you were forgetful before, with lousy short-term memory like me, this kind of haze in your brain will top it for sure!
So, I was at the grocery store with my husband on the 4th of July, getting a few last minute items for our BBQ. We had to get hot dog buns and some salad fixings; you know, just a few general things. Well, we were in the produce department and I picked out some cherry tomatoes for our salad and put them in the cart. Slowly and gently, I pushed the cart along a wall of pre-packaged salads. My husband was behind me, still trying to decide which package of Romaine lettuce to get, when I saw out of the corner of my eye an older man in his late 50s or so walking slightly behind me and to my left. I thought I caught him smiling a little and I thought, “that’s weird.” Just as those protective motherly instincts began to creep in, the man said politely, “excuse me, can I have my cart back?” I was mortified and said “oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” Then I turned to my husband and quickly asked, “where’d you put our cart?!” I felt so humiliated. I kind of felt like crying, but my husband was starting to giggle, so I felt even more embarrassed. “It’s not funny, it’s really not,” I said quietly, trying to decide whether or not to punch him or burst into tears. When I turned back, the guy with the cart had completely disappeared, but my hubby said the guy walked away smiling and chuckling to himself. Oh, in case you were wondering, I found our cart shortly thereafter.
2. “I’m Completely Happy With My Boob Size,” Said No Pregnant Woman Ever.
This one is definitely a double edged sword. One minute I’m enjoying the look of my new bust and how well I can fill out certain dresses and tops that I never could before, and the next I find myself hating these two giant mammary sacks. They’re heavy, if you slouch even for a millisecond they touch your baby bump, and your nipples get ridiculously sensitive at the slightest things (“No, go away” is usually what I tell my dog if she’s in the wrong snuggle spot). All in all, it’s really aggravating. There are times where I’ve actually wanted to wear a sports bra, which is super weird for me, as I normally feel suffocated in those things! Also, regular bras are more of a must now than when I was still a B cup. Before I got pregnant, I used to relish chucking my bra across the room like a 1960s feminism activist! Now, I find myself actively reaching for my bras, because I just can’t handle the feeling of any kind of fabric brushing against my bare skin. That’s called cruel irony my friend!
3. I’m Pregnant, I Don’t Have to Give a Shit.
I’ve stopped worrying quite as much about how I look when I go out in public. If I don’t have the perfect pedicure, oh well! The world can deal with my chipped polish while I enjoy my flip flops, because it’s freaking hot outside! Same thing goes for makeup. Usually I feel more energized and ready for the day when I have at least a little lipstick and mascara on, but these days it doesn’t feel nearly as necessary to wear it. I go makeup free around the house plenty, especially if it’s a lazy day, or I have nowhere to be. Even when I go out, sometimes I just say forget it! I’m too tired to care how everyone else sees me, because frankly they’re probably not looking anyway.
4. Piss-Poor Performance & Bowel Movement Bitterness
Now for the semi-gross, but all too common stuff: Frequent urge to pee and constipation. I will tell you, there is nothing more frustrating than the constant need to pee, getting out of your chair for the umpteenth time because it feels so urgent, and then only being able to squeeze out a few drops. On the upside though, taking a dump has now become an event to look forward to. Because it doesn’t happen all that often anymore, someone like me with IBS is actually kind of relieved. However, when that infrequent, yet oh-so vital dump does come along, it’s followed by a relieved smile and a celebratory mood.
5. “Preggy Brain” Strikes Again! (In the Form of Forgotten Zoloft)
Yeah, so this one is definitely a lot less fun than most things that come with being pregnant. Mostly because it’s not directly related to the pregnancy itself, but it still makes you question your desire to become a mother. I went through an entire day last week, wondering whether or not I’d taken my Zoloft. I kept meaning to check, but I kept on forgetting. Anything small ended up distracting me or pulling me in a different direction. I felt like maybe I had taken my medication after all, because I didn’t seem to be doing too bad. Then as evening descended, I started getting in a foul mood, mostly about stuff I disagreed with on social media. I would rant on Facebook and I felt like lashing out at people whose stupidity and crappy decisions I had zero tolerance for. The night ended with me feeling progressively angry and worthless, both as a person and a potential mother. Eventually, I ended up crying as I wrote my feelings down in my journal. The next morning, when I looked at the journal entry I’d written the night before, there were some things I didn’t even fully remember writing. My brain reverts back to the distorted thinking of my depression when I miss a dose of my medication. So my husband made a daily checklist for me, so I won’t forget anymore. He knows I’ve been extra forgetful lately and more than that, he knows how much I suffer without my Zoloft. It makes me incredibly vulnerable and susceptible to the influence of others. My feelings get hurt easier, I get angry at things I normally would just brush off, and I feel insecure about everything. I already have insecurity issues, but I’m more liable to lash out when I’m not on my meds because the feelings are too intense to deal with. Needless to say, it’s never a good feeling when you start questioning your self-worth and thinking you no longer want a baby because you feel like you’re going to make an awful mother and screw everything up for the baby and your life. Thankfully, those feelings passed and I’m back to my mentally stable self.
7.) The Moth Murdering Mama
I am not a fan of bugs, especially when they’re in my house. Needless to say, I go crazy these days from overly protective mom instincts! Mosquitoes, fruit flies, regular flies, might as well all have “wanted” posters as wallpaper in my house.
So, when my husband headed out to the gas station to get me a midnight snack, I discovered a moth flitting through the house. Just as my hubby left, I smacked the moth to the ground with this electric tennis racquet used to kill flies. Once the moth hit the ground, I pushed the button and I saw the spark when I slapped him, but he was still alive, so I did it again and saw a second spark. Then I got a piece of toilet paper, picked him up by one of his wings, and flushed him down the toilet. Immediately after, I was flooded with guilt. I sat down to use the bathroom, and started sobbing loudly. My chihuahua stared at me from the living room with a look on her face that said, “I — I don’t know what to do here.” About five minutes later, my husband returned home with a soda for me and saw the sad look on my face. “What’s wrong?” he asked in a concerned, bummed tone of voice. “There was a moth and I killed him!” I said, starting to cry again. “I’m a horrible person, I electrocuted him twice and then drowned him. I’m a murderer!” I cried through my tears and sniffles. I buried my face into his shirt, hugged him tightly, and bawled my head off. “Aww, it’s okay,” he said comfortingly while patting my back. I laughed about this later and felt pretty silly for getting so upset, but I also decided to leave the daddy long leg spiders and moths alone in the future.
6. Carnivorous/Crazy Cravings
Note to self: Eat healthy during pregnancy. Yeah, okay do you know how many amendments I’ve had to make to that note? I love fruit and veggies, but I also love cheese and crackers, cookie dough ice cream, french fries, hamburgers, cherry coke, and PB&J sandwiches. Okay, that’s it. Not looking for permission, just thought I’d share my cravings. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to eat a hot dog with a side of chips, and maybe a pickle…screw it, I’m ordering pizza!
So, those are a few of my pregnancy experiences. What are some of yours? Feel free to share your stories in the comments!
