A Moment of Peace
It’s hard to describe how telling Landon all about my past makes me feel. I am so relieved to not be keeping anything from him anymore because, in the long run, it would’ve just caused problems between us. Not to mention, it feels like a giant weight is lifted off my shoulders not having to keep it locked inside anymore. He is so sweet and sympathetic to my need to talk and I can’t even say how happy it makes me to not feel the least bit of pity from him. Keeping this bottled up was killing me. My parents knowing the whole story is one thing, they lived most of it with me, but being able to tell it in my own time is very cathartic.
“How can you say that after what happened at dinner?” I ask him with a nervous laugh.
“True. Maybe they could have made a good case that you were a little off your rocker.” He answers very casually.
Shocked I spin in his arms to look at him and swat his arm. “Are you serious?” I ask completely taken aback, at first. Then I notice his smirk.
“Of course not, sweetheart.” He says as he frames my face in his hands. “Panic attacks don’t make you crazy. They make you human. After what you went through it’s amazing that is the only residual effect.”
Letting out a humorless laugh I close my eyes and say, “Amazing, huh?”
I feel him kiss me on the forehead then say, “Definitely. Like you said, your rational brain just took a second to catch up. When it did, you calmed yourself down and regained your composure.”
Opening my eyes, I look into his and smile before admitting, “I practiced that move. When I knew I had to see him in court I went to a homeopathic therapist to teach me how to slow my breathing and keep my emotions in check.”
Settling back in his seat he drew me into his arms again and started rubbing his hand up and down my back. It was such a soothing feeling. “I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for you.”
“My parents were there with me every day and thank God the trial didn’t last that long. But, yeah, seeing him day after day and having to face him down when I was on the stand was pretty terrible.” I say as my eyes drift shut.
“Well I’m glad it’s over and I’m even happier that you decided to come here to stay with your grandmother.”
Letting out a contented sigh I cover a yawn before answering, “Me too. Oh, excuse me. Maybe we should call it a night. I always get tired after an attack like that.”
“I can imagine. When all the adrenaline leaves your body it must wipe you out.” He says still rubbing my back. “If you don’t mind though, I’d like to sit here a little longer. I like holding you.”
Snuggling in and wrapping an arm around his waist, “I like it too. You make me feel so safe.” I murmur around another yawn.
* * * * *
Not long after she tells me I make her feel safe I know she’s fallen asleep. Like a goof, it makes me so happy that she feels this comfortable with me and I feel that squeezing in my chest again. I know, for a fact, even though we barely know each other that I could fall in love with this girl. She is unlike anyone I have ever met. Not only is she unbelievably sweet she is also tough as nails. That is a rare combination. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone pull themself back from the brink the way she did at dinner tonight.
Looking at my watch I see that it’s only about 9:30, I’m not ready to let her go yet so trying my best to not wake her, I shift around so I can stretch my legs out on the couch and she is sprawled across my chest. Not the most comfortable position in the world, but I could stay like this forever. I wouldn’t want her to get the wrong idea though, so I’ll just lay here for a little while longer.
About an hour later she stirs a little then snaps her head up to meet my eyes. “Oh my God! I fell asleep! Why didn’t you wake me up?”
She looks adorable mussed up from sleep and tries to inconspicuously wipe her mouth to see if she was drooling. She wasn’t. Trying to hide my smile, I tuck her hair behind her ear and say, “I could simply say I didn’t want to disturb you, but I’ll be honest and say I liked the feeling I got.”
Looking at me skeptically, she untangles from me and sits up. Sitting up myself, I scrub a hand over my face and hair. “What kind of feeling?” She asks.
“Before you fell asleep you said I made you feel safe. After what we talked about I just wanted to be there for you.”
The look she gives me makes me want to draw her back into my arms and kiss her. So that’s why I need to get up and go. Right now. “Thank you.” She says as she reaches over and rubs my forearm
“I should get going. I have to work tomorrow.” I say as I stand. “What are you doing next Saturday?”
Standing as well, she laughs and says, “You still want to see me again after the scene I made tonight?”
Hugging her to me I kiss the top of her head and say, “Of course I do. I have something I want to show you.”
“What is it?” She asks even as she relaxes completely in my arms. I really need to go before I ask her if I can just sleep over.
Rubbing her back one more time I take a step back and answer, “Sorry. It’s a surprise.”
