Ellie’s Story, Part 3!
For part one of Ellie’s Story: Click Here.
For part two of Ellie’s Story: Click Here.
You waited patiently for it, here’s part 3!
Part 3.
I stood there biting my nails in such a daze and bafflement with no response. I looked over at my sister, and she had the same reaction aside from another emotion, anger. She burst out with an alarming amount of rage, flailing her hands, and screaming, “What else is there Dad?!”
“Nothing else that I know about, I haven’t watched the videos myself. I promised her before we left the hotel that I would keep those videos safe if anything happened.”
I stood there watching him in disbelief, my arms went limp, and my heart sank to my stomach. I couldn’t believe all this was coming out. Why now? Why at this moment? He was acting off, picking his nails, staring at the ground, and pacing back and forth. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I’ve never seen Dad this way.
“Why all this now?’ I muttered under my breath.
Dad sighed and replied softly, “What…. What do you m…”
“WHY NOW DAD? Why is this all coming out?” I yelled in anger as my mind seemed to snap back to its original state.
“I don’t know! I knew this day was coming. I didn’t think it’d be so soon. I’m sorry I’ve kept this from you girls at all!”
I could physically see the disappointment in himself. Let alone the disgust he had carried for years. It almost seemed like a relief finally telling us, but something still felt off. The air felt thicker than before, and he seemed to be acting differently.
We started walking back to the house, I wanted to get some air, alone, so I trudged behind. I didn’t understand how he could leave her like that. I saw him different, like he was an accomplice. As if she were a burden, and he found a way to get rid of her. I was angry, sad, confused, and worst of all, left with no answers to any of my questions.
I walked into the house and straight to mom’s room where I saw Jesse and Dad already in there.
“We were waiting for you to come in and watch them,” Jesse spoke softly. She was careful not to come off anxious, but I could tell she was as anxious as I was. I could also tell she had been crying on the walk in, but tried to hide it through her smile. She looked just like Mom with her long hair and beautiful freckles.
“I don’t really feel up to it right now. Tomorrow? I have a lot to think about and say.” I tried being as fair as I could, but if they won’t care about my feelings, who will?
“Hey…El, I get it,” She pulled me into our room. “I’m upset too, but don’t you want to know?” She tried faking that smile again.
“I do Jess; I’m just in my head right now. I want to sleep, please?” I begged.
“Okay. Then I won’t watch until you do. I want to do this right; the way Mom would want.”
I nodded and walked into the bathroom. I felt so drained, not too drained for a shower.
The next morning, I woke up at 9:30 to soft, calming music. It felt nice; mom used to do this on Saturday’s.
“Mom…” I murmured into my pillow holding back tears.
I slowly get up and slip my slippers on, got up to stretch and threw myself back on my bed to scream into my pillow. Then eventually mustered up enough courage to walk to the kitchen and get some cereal. When I entered the kitchen, I was greeted by my smiling sister.
“Good Morning!”
“Um… Hi. Why are you so peachy this morning?”
“Because I can’t wait to watch the videos! Duh!” She said loud enough for Dad to hear.
I rolled my eyes and told her to give me ten minutes. She jumped up for joy and scampered into the room. I didn’t get the rush. I didn’t want to see Mom like that.
The time is now. I drag my feet into the room that’s been locked for what feels like forever. There stands Jesse, who’s overly excited, and Dad, who has his back away from the door in the box of VHS tapes. For some reason that annoys me, but I shrug it off.
I turn to Jesse and ask her which one she wanted to watch first. Waiting for her to choose so agonizing and nerve wrecking. I couldn’t help but to bite my nails, such a horrible habit I’ve had forever that even Mom hated. There were so many, from, “Happy Birthday’s” to music shows, first boyfriend talks, to random advice she had. One thing I will always remember is she was so smart. She held herself to such a high standard, it made us feel like royalty. Jesse picked out one that was labeled, “To my first born, Jesse.”
We popped it in, and the second we all saw her, we started tearing up. She was as beautiful as I remembered, the same mole on her right cheek just under her dimples. Her luscious hair falling so softly over her shoulders, and her smile just lights up the room. I couldn’t stop crying, the kind of tears that flow and don’t stop. I wanted to grab her through the television, hold her and tell her I wish I would’ve known. It was too much, listening to her talk. The way you could hear the kindness in her voice. Every time she said, “baby girl,” and even worse, every time she said, “I love you.” I ran out of the room two minutes into the videos. As I ran out, I grabbed a few tapes and took them with me. I sat on my bed and cried for about an hour with the tapes close to my chest.
I sat up and wiped my tears when there were none left to cry out, and started to see which tapes I had. One was a, “Happy 16th Birthday Ellie!” Another was labeled, “For my special love, Ellie.” Followed by one that said, “For Ellie,” which stopped me in my tracks. This one was so plain, the rest felt true and from the heart, but this one was so direct. I took out the tape from the box, and it made a different paper-like noise than the others. At first, I thought it was nothing, but then I looked into the box, and there was a paper taped to the inside. I got up and locked the door before checking it.
Inside the box, I gently took out the paper, and it read:
“My dearest Ellie, if you’re reading this, then that means something has happened to me, and your father has finally told you about my depression. I want you to watch this video alone. Your father hasn’t told you the whole story. Please, do NOT let him catch you watching this. I love you so dearly. Be VERY careful. I love you with all my heart.
-Mom
To be continued…
